The thought of starting a new relationship (rather than fwb) makes me feel...ugh, I'm not sure I can face getting to know someone well enough to be truly comfortable with/combine lives.
I think this is a pretty conclusive sign that you are not ‘ready’ for another relationship. Although, I think, ready is never the right word in this context.
You can be over your ex but not in a place where you want to have a relationship. That is often completely reasonable. I think a lot of the women on this thread have at some point said that they don’t feel they want to combine lives and live with a man again. Given the complexity of doing do, I think they’re probably being very sensible.
And I think a lot of women are looking for a different kind of thing. They don’t want a husband/non-married-husband-equivalent (which many of us have experienced as an additional child that you cannot discipline) but they’d like to date someone in the time that they don’t have their children. They’re not looking for a stepfather. That also seems totally sensible.
It’s hard though because that probably doesn’t fit with what a lot of men are looking for. Or, even where it does, the mismatch in time with the kids (a standard EOW and day in the week arrangement gives very different non-kids time to men and women) can be difficult.
I do think that there are ongoing changes to how people post-failed relationships are looking at dating and relationships. Especially those with children and/or a bit older. But it’s all quite ambiguous at the moment because the standard options of the past look less appealing but there are no simple off-the-shelf alternatives.