Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Morning All
Good luck tonight 30something
Ant - Isn't it great to have that lovely fuzzy feeling! Just go with the flow and enjoy.
Marlb - We finished in Nov and have been sporadically in touch via WhatsApp. He re-started OLD a few weeks ago and has been round a few times for advice. All it's done is rekindle my feelings for him and his for me. I'm seeing MrGardener and it's going really well but last night kinda made me question it. I need to forget MrWow.

@TooOldForThis67 why did he say it didn't work out for you both, did you agree?

Just catching up on the thread! No news on my side as I'm still being ignored when I message on Bumble, and no first messages on Tinder. Pissing me off no end 😂.

I did want to comment on the 'nice guys' thing. My ex of 11 years was definitely an arsehole and not a nice guy so I avoid anyone that has the 'bad boy' vibe. However, Mr Baker was incredibly nice and actually said, when I ended things, that 'nice guys always finish last'. My lack of interest was nothing to do with him being a nice guy! In fact, that's why I continued for 6 weeks 🙈. I like funny, intelligent, not too agreeable, will tell me to pipe down if I'm being a dick, knows what he wants, has his own opinions AND nice. Nice shouldn't be a quality we choose. It should be standard. Rant over 😂.

sugar it's winding me up so much. I mean what's the point. From now on, I think my first message on Bumble will be 'not sure why I'm sending this, as you're not going to reply...' but I'm trying not to be bitter 😂.

I never had any luck on bumble, no responses to messages, I gave up in the end.

Ant that sounds so promising, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Shitwith why do guys not message back - it is so annoying. Maybe they are just on there for an ego boost rather than to get an actual real life date!

Mr Outdoors has been in regular text contact since our rather eventful date on Tuesday night. He is very keen which is sweet, but weirdly his enthusiasm has made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I know myself well enough to realise that this is one of my bad patterns of behaviour so I have recognised it and put it to one side. I am going to invite him round at the weekend, probably on Sunday afternoon, and just order a take away as I am still hopping around from my embarrassing foot injury and can't leave the house. I don't fancy cooking anything either as I am hobbling around hanging on to furniture to get round the house. I don't want to suggest Saturday night as he lives an hour's drive away and I don't want him to stay the night!

I have decided not to go back on POF or Tinder for a while, and just see how it goes with Mr Outdoors.

I've got rid of Bumble for the same reasons.

Barely any replied to first messages so i resented spending the time and brain power thinking of something interesting to say.

I also considered putting something in my bio about replying to messages but those I have seen from men saying similar just look bitter and that's not the look I'm going for!

The guy I am dating at the moment did say on his Tinder profile that the rules of engagement are if you swipe second you message, if he swipes second he messages. I swiped second so messaged and he replied - simple and I knew where I stood!

30somethingandsingle Best of luck for tonight - sounds like things may be heating up a little...

Ant Enjoy it - doesn't matter if it's only 3 dates, if you're both feeling a spark it might lead onto something great.

TooOld I think you need to cut contact or it's like a scab you keep picking at.

Peanuthedz That sounds like a complicated situation for sure.

WarIs Do not do yourself down! Confidence is key. I really recommend anyone who's feeling a bit down on themselves looks wise to watch "I Feel Pretty" on Netflix, it's such a feel good film. Confidence is such an attractive quality in both sexes.

MrPlumber is still being lovely but telling me I should give MrStone a chance as he's definitely not up for a relationship at the moment and doesn't want me to miss out on something good which he says I deserve but he can't give me.

MrStone starting getting a bit frisky last night whilst messaging. I indulged for a while as I usually do, then got my big girl pants on (knowing he might just say OK, let's stop messaging altogether) and told him I don't need another FB, I want someone to date, go out with, cook meals together, watch Netflix, snuggle up on the sofa, eat fish and chips on the seafront with and generally make me feel as though I've got a place in their life, so if that's all he's after he needs to jog on as I've got that department covered already. There was radio silence for a while then he came back asking if we could arrange a second date as he'd like to get to know me better. We'll see what happens there. He is hot though and MrPlumber is going away for a fortnight this weekend. Feck.

On the advice of a couple of the guys on here who looked at my profile, I'm going to try setting up a Match account as I'm only on POF at the moment. For some reason I'm really wary about Tinder, perhaps because you have to have your profile visable all the time, whereas on POF I have it hidden and I do the picking .

I’d definitely advise NOT putting anything negative in your profile about messaging. That’s a left swipe for me straight away.

I think that men tend (generalisation) to swipe right on a lot of profiles and then make a decision if that leads to a message/match. Whereas women tend to swipe right on those they want to hear from. I’m a very picky swiper.

I don’t do clever messages on Bumble. I think they will know whether or not they want to hear from me once they see I’ve messaged so I tend to do boring ‘hi, how’s your week been’ ‘is it only Monday’ ‘almost the weekend’ type messages and we can develop a conversation from there if there is mutual interest.

Does everyone else hate the 'you're beautiful' messages or is it just me? They're so meaningless and you know they say the same thing to everyone. Or even worse, 'you're too pretty to be using Tinder'. I think I'm turning into a bitter person 😂😂.

I'm a picky swiper as well but from what I've heard lots of guys swipe right most of the time then cherry pick from their matches. I imagine it's a bit of a false ego boost for some as well.

Thanks Jesuis you're right. So, you've laid your cards on the table and MrStone has responded, that's good! Do you need more irons?

I'm afraid I swipe a lot of people and then regret it or I'm talking to someone i like so no longer have the time or inclination to talk to them. I don't mind if people don't message back. They don't know me and they may have the same reasons as me. Also, I sometimes don't reply if they have a really naff first message or first few messages. Unless it's bumble I rarely send the first message either.

@ItsAMiracle2015 yes! The 'You're beautiful' comments make me cringe and instantly put me off.

@JeSuisPrest well done for being brave! I hope it works out for you. Though maybe you might need to try and get MrPlumber out of your head so that you don't compare..

TooOld It's a really tough thing to do, I feel for you but the old addage about getting under the next one helps you get over the last one works for me . Out of sight, out of mind. What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over. Time's a healer. Any more trite sayings for the broken hearted?

30something I think MrStone is a bit of a Jack the Lad after a bit of fun trying to be on his best behaviour to get laid. I know what you mean about MrPlumber, he's taking up too much head and heartspace for a FB

I'm down to 3 irons now - MrPlumber, MrStone and MrBridge (who is a complete sweetie and more of a penpal - he never makes any sexual comments and I'm not really sure what he wants, although when I told him I'd been for a run last night and passed his village he said he would have put the kettle on if he'd known, but he seems really shy which I don't really find an attractive character trait, but I am curious enough about him to carry on chatting with a view to a possible meetup).

I'm not really bothered about getting any more on the go at the moment - I'm going away for a few days, then it's the Easter holidays so I'm all a bit out of sync regarding work/childcare.

That said, you know I'll be itching to swipe again by the weekend, especially with MrPlumber being away

Thanks @Musti I hadn't really considered people swiping right a lot. I guess I only really swipe right on the ones I actually want to talk to. Surely you would just unmatch though, if you'd changed your mind or regretted swiping right? I think I might come off Bumble and stick with Tinder but I like the height being on Bumble 😂. Or maybe just swipe right to everyone 🤷😑😂.

@JeSuisPrest don't write MrBridge off yet. He might be a slow burner. My MrFox was very polite and gentlemanly but he took my test bait with both hands, ha!

I am not sure whether I should suggest date 4 while on date 3 with him tonight. Quite honestly I want to dtd with him before I invest any more in him, I can't really invite myself round to his so he needs to suggest it really.

POF this morning:
Him - Morning xxx
Me - Morning
Him - U R Gorgus xxx

Why???? This is all I'm getting at the moment. I have a childfree week coming up and zero irons never mind any hint of a date.

ItsAMiracle2015 it's well known that men are generally less picky and will swipe right on about 80%. Women are more picky and will only swipe right about 20% of the time.

Why men don't message or unmatch the ones they're not interested in is a mystery. I think some just like to show off the number of matches they have.

I've tried swiping right on everyone (drunken evening with friends) - it can be quite funny to see you has matched with you. But I wouldn't recommend it for finding a suitable date.

@itsamiracle2015 I'm not that choosy when swiping but a lot more choosy when messaging. Also, when I swipe after a few drinks and then read properly the next day. Also, it depends if they have a good message.

MyOld reply with "Gorgus? Do you mean the mining engineer who accompanied Alexander the Great, mining for gold and silver. Nope that's not me, bye"
I don't know this stuff btw, Wikipedia ;)

Ant330 great reply. I would use it but I suspect the reply I get will be even more illiterate.
I chose the delete button instead.

You're probably right, I just wouldn't be able to stop myself taking the p*ss.