Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

meh I've just done the test and I'm an Entrepreneur (which I am IRL, strangely enough). Where can I find out what that means re dating?

richdeniro in my experience, it isn't the lack of spark/chemistry that's putting me off my dates.
It's that I can see we have very little compatibility. I probably should've weeded them out at the messaging stage but for various reasons didn't.

So for me, it's not about chemistry, it's about being at ease with someone. Having a laugh with them and being able to have a decent conversation. But if we're struggling to find things to talk about then there's never going to be a second date.

@richdeniro I am in my 30's

The spark thing has always been the same for me, something that's grown over time rather than been instant. The one person that I thought I felt an instant spark with turned out to be a pathological prick so I reverted back to my slow growers when I started OLD!

And while I was probably a little more promiscuous in my youth I've always preferred being in control and making the first move when it comes to anything physical. Not so much once I'm in a relationship with someone, I'm happy for my bf to say/ do pretty much anything to me now, but certainly in the figuring out stage!

@MyOld My problem seems to be that the ones I am hugely compatible with are the ones that want the chemistry and spark. It's spotting that we're compatible that makes me withdraw into myself, get nervous and find myself blowing it because I fail to show that I am attracted to them and a decent catch. I did wonder if it was an age thing as being in my late 30s I want someone who is at a similar stage of life as me I guess.

Lol sorry @wishy, I didn't mean it to come across like that in terms of age. Expanding on the above comment I guess I mean that someone who is looking to settle down, go on holidays, eventually have a family, etc. I hope you know what I mean.

I’m ENTP / A. Debator. I’d say its reasonably accurate. Certainly the only companies I’ve been successful in those those where i can call the MD/Chairman a spade if its required without them getting stroppy about it.

Though interestingly last time i did it i was intj. I wonder if our responses change over time

INFJ here, I agree with everything apart from one thing which is being private. I have a horrendous habit of oversharing!

Have date with MrChef tomorrow in a local park with swanky cafe. I'm excited and nervous as we connect as we are both ex-soldiers. He is very good looking and seems to be in the same page as me.

I,too, am amazed just how quick you guys do it. I'm quite new to OLD and can't seem to get past the chatting stage. Met MrChef on POF and he messaged me first.

Oooh I'm so bloody excited that I'm in the bath de-fuzzing (not so we can DTD it's to make me feel better about myself)

I think when I like them I often go people-pleaser too but in a way that makes me try and entertain them/ show them how interesting and funny I am. Wonder if it just comes across too try hard, now also I am wondering if i perhaps get a bit caught up in that and don't ask enough questions...

Off to do the Myers-Briggs - will report back!

rich I have no idea whether this is relevant, but I ended it with Mr Sailor because I had no idea at all if he was actually attracted to me. We matched on Tinder on Thursday, met for coffee on Saturday afternoon. Then had 2 dates each a week apart. He didn't seem nervous, we chatted easily. I kissed him on the cheek at the end of date one, and again on date two. Left it up to him on date 3 and he didn't touch me at all. I felt like he wasn't physically attracted to me at all, so that's one of the reasons I ended it. So a cheek kiss at least means there's some contact and attraction. That may be just me though ...

Mediator - INFP-T. Scarily accurate!

Just spotted Mr SA on POF and it’s kind of got to me, I only read his headline bit as didn’t want to click on his profile, it starts with “I know what I want..” made me feel angry as he clearly doesn’t know what he wants from one day to the next. Anyway, I need to man up, I had a lucky escape, he was a selfish twat who had no concerns about me at all, just cares about his dick.

I’m really tempted to come off the apps (or POF anyway), just seems to be full of all the kind of blokes that are single for good reason. Maybe I should try bumble again or maybe I should just get out more?

leonasa I got the same. Apart from the introvert bit, it doesn't match me at all

just seems to be full of all the kind of blokes that are single for good reason.

That's definitely what I'm thinking right now @Lovemusic33!

Meant to bold that first bit.. ☺️

Placemarking, no new news here

Rich 😳😳😳😳😳😳

Sod rule no.10, we just need to go and be amazing together, stat 🙂🙂🙂

Love that lots of us are Myers Briggs typed already! Howling I've tested so many times over the years, since age 18, and have always been ENFP, and it has always rung true as a bell for me. I think it's pretty static unless you were right in the middle of the score ranges before. I'm dating an ENTP at the moment, you lot are frighteningly clever and I am thoroughly enjoying the mental/verbal sparring and ideasfests that we have. It's so exciting but fuck me you ENTPs are exhausting to keep up with intellectually. I love it :)

I also agree regarding POF being full of creeps and weirdos.
Or people that say they aren't looking for ONS or flings..
Yet I find if someone mentions that on their profile they have obv been thinking about it!
So no I don't believe them.

Oh @Lovemusic33, I do feel for you. I'm dreading the day I see MrAbs profile on POF. Even though we both know they turned out to selfish twats and we deserved better than what they were prepared to give, it still hurts a bit to see them moving on. 💐

@30somethingandsingle did you cancel your date with MrFox yet and an update on MrGuns asap please... I hope the nickname is in relation to his muscles and not an arsenal of air rifles. Or does he have a weapon of mass destruction? 🙈😂

ENFP here too. Though sometimes I swing to ENTP.

rich tbh I reckon most of us will go a bit people pleasey infront of someone we know ticks a lot of boxes. It's a forced situation at the best of times. Will I get the job of 2nd date type of thing! Have you ever tried mindfulness meditation? It can help with looking at our emotions/actions from a curious observer perspective....might give you a little distance and allow you to be more your usual self?

So, I'm now exclusive with my now former fwb and it's going well. I've sorted contraception (for menopause reasons not just contraception I've had a coil) he would like to stop using condoms (has never liked them). I know the advice is to insist he gets screened first but in reality would you insist?

This isn't something I've ever had to navigate before. I trust he's not aware of any issues/symptoms.

@JeSuisPrest his nickname is in relation to both his big muscles and his job

He's just left, sex was good... until I called him the wrong bloody name! Legs akimbo in full swing and he stopped and asked who the fuck Is he... kinda killed the moment but we had a good laugh about it and then got back to it

My first telephone interview went well, I have a date with MissOz tomorrow night. She's funny, very chatty, and looks fit in her photos, so lets see...
Still looking forward to Friday with MissBathLegs more though definitely over invested in her.

And no, I've not cancelled with mr Fox yet, he's a nice guy and I've been putting it off wondering whether I should give it a go or not.