Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@HairyArsedMan I remember last year when I first started looking, they offered a free week of seeing everyone as you were swiping generally. I believe the algorithm is set to offer only to newbies but this was Bumble. I've never seen the same offer on Tinder.

30something decisions decisons. Can see why you’re concerned but is there a way you can get more facts as such before making it

Thanks hairy I had found it. Apparently I am ENFP - campaigner. This is such an accurate description. Who should I be dating then? X

Sorry for the unmumsnetty kiss at the end hairy

@HairyArsedMan I've paid before on tinder. Don't bother. I was mostly horrified that they thought they had a chance with me.

A tip though. If you set your distance really low at 3k or something then look at the distance of everyone in your stack, if they're further than your set distance then they've liked you. Sometimes the algorithm goes weird and they chuck nearly everyone who's liked you at you. I've swiftly gone from 99likes to 25 that way.

Apparently, my ideal partner would be a INTP or ISTP...

Just a weird one, would you date someone with a serioius health condition which meant potentially they would have limited years left. I have been enjoying a chat with someone and he has told me this and I believe him. We laugh a lot so I think I've kept him entertained and vice versa and both our ideas are very casual....but it just seems a bit bizarre....

Apparently I'm INFJ-A (advocate). Can't say I set any store by it whatsoever and don't particular recognise myself in the description!

Wow, things have moved fast!

I think I would date someone with a life limiting condition, as long as they weren't critically unwell at the time. I think that none of us know if we have underlying health issues, we don't know when our time is up! But I guess you need to be careful about dating him for the right reasons and not for any hint of sympathy/feeling like you should

I'm cooking for MrSporty at his tonight. I can't wait to see him. I'm cautiously allowing myself to like him, though I did make the absolutely fatal mistake at having a peek at his ex on social media which was a bad, bad move and has made me feel hugely inferior!

So, I have been keeping the conversation open with Mrs LongBlondeHair.

We have mutually decided that we aren't looking for the same thing, which is sort of a relief, but also a bit disappointing . She wants to stay friends, so I suppose that's something.

Mrs Yogi-not-a-bear tonight!

Hi all, I cam on here to ask about the personality test and can see some of you are talking about it already!
I have been on e one date with a guy, have said we'd both like to go on another date. He mentioned the personality test on our first date and how "so many people end up dating people with completely different personality types" (basically that it's a recipe for disaster).

He asked if i'd done the test and I hadn't, so I did and I came out as an INFJ and he is an ESFJ. He seems to attach a lot of importance to this bloody test so now I'm thinking this may be a deal breaker for him?!

As much as it seemed to describe me, I don't like to be boxed in or labelled so don't really pay much importance to it and told him I prefer to get to know someone for myself. Is this personality test such a massive thing and should I be expecting him to change his mind on a second date...?!

@Eesha No I wouldn't personally, but each to their own. I couldn't start a relationship knowing the inevitable outcome. Yes, something could happen to any of us unexpectedly, but I think that's a different scenario to walking into it willingly.

So MrBanker is into cuckolding. He says he's only done it once with his exw and really enjoyed it. Each to their own, it's not for me - it really blurs boundaries and I like things very clear cut. I'd made it very clear from the outset that I wasn't into 3somes - he says it's not a 3some - to me if there's more than 1 penis and 1 vagina in the room, that's a 3 some...

If I hadn't already done it myself with my exh years ago I may have been up for it, but it ended in disaster and unfortunately I think he would end up being a little bit like @30somethingandsingle MrS and I'd be pushed into something further down the line I'm not comfortable with because of time and emotion invested. FFS.

At least I still have my night with MrPlumber to look forward to tomorrow

Re the test, done it again, deliberately tweeking answers - i am def an extrovert (E)
Intuitive (N) assertive (-A)

If you search ‘our theory’ at the bottom of the personality page you see what all the letters mean and it does give some perspective

@shitwithsugaron this is what I'm wondering. We spoke on the phone and was quite awkward but texting continued to flow and he said should meet for a meal and chat at least. I'm just seeing it as a night out really.....

I'm a mediator too@HairyArsedMan though INFP-T not A. I found it pretty accurate - though what that amounts too I don't know, I know some people put it on their profiles but otherwise it seems a bit odd to go around asking! Frankly I'd forget what all the acronyms meant, they should just use the names. I've seen INFP translated as "idealist" elsewhere.

Question - do people think it is ghosting if you are talking to a bunch of people and then after a few messages just don't respond anymore? I wouldn't do it after texting for a few days though when it's just been one evening of messaging a new round of people it seems pretty time consuming to have to message and explain lack of interest to anyone you don't want to continue talking to? Is that bad though?

I think shitwithsugaron is spot on I think-personality testing is not something to live life by, its a curiosity along the way. People of 1 type can have full and rewarding relationships with any other type- I just find it a fascinating lens to sometimes look at the world through.

The FWB I seem to have got myself is an ENTP and he is a bit machiavellian, narcisstic, sociopathic and damaged all in one. God he is sexy. But for all those reasons he is FWB material not relationship type!

@leonasa I don't think it's ghosting til you've been on a date. People come and go. I've even had convos drift off on WhatsApp. Although I would normally say something on there. On the apps people drift. It's fine.

I've logged out of my tinder but I did actually message two matches I'd been chatting to a couple of weeks ago to say I was dating someone. Mainly because I like them and when I'm back on there I might fancy meeting them.

quickly stops vouching for Mr Banker

@leonasa If the conversation isn't flowing, I just tend to say so, apologise for my part in that and wish them luck. Re: personality tests, I wouldn't dream of labelling myself or anyone else with just four letters !

@Peanuthedz - tried your trick - then no-one appears. In fact I've zapped through everyone in a 20 mile radius it seems

IME if they bang on about niche kinks like cuckolding after one date then that’s really all they’re interested in, so pretty boring...

Just done it and I am ISFP-T. The description was scarily quite accurate.

@shitwithsugaron he has said he just wants to be happy for next few years and jokes about his illness, it's even on his profile. Think we will probably just have dinner and a kiss which should suit.

@JeSuisPrest it's a 3some, no matter what name it's given. Did you tell him your thoughts on it? How did he react? I'd potentially give him the benefit of the doubt if it was just something he mentioned, but it doesn't sound great that he has mentioned it so soon especially.