Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

For a first date I think it's usual to meet half way.
I live in a little village with two pubs where everyone knows everyone, no way would I meet for a date in there!
MrFox lives about 25 miles away in a city, he did offer to come to me, and the fact he offered was enough- I choose to drive to the city as there is more choice of what to do away from my boring village out in the sticks, though it would be nice if I could have a proper drink without having to drive home... he has hinted at having a few too many together soon though... hopefully that comes with the offer to stay at his

Oh this thread... tumbleweed then can't keep up!

@Ant330 and @Sunshineandflipflops you both sound in a similar boat to me.

@Mythologies, welcome. There seem to be a few of us in SE London.

@HairyArsedMan what was your username faux pas? Don't tell me you used your MN moniker? 🤣 although that wouldn't put me off I'm the least, quite the opposite.

Oops. Sorry thread, back to hirsuteness. Mr Unsuitable is still away.... can you tell I have an itch?

Happy birthday @richdeniro

Re bad boys... oh love them. Mr U is most definitely a sex pirate. Sigh.

Oh. I’m not in the least attracted to what anyone would call ‘bad boys’. I never have been.

But even when you go for some weedy, academic type you sometimes even up with an abusive twunt. I’m looking at you ex.

MrSG is, in some ways, not my usual type. For a start: muscles. Lots of them. And an interest in sport. But he is still quiet and polite and a lot bit nerdy. So he’s just a more active and much fitter version really.

My (very annoying) mother keeps insisting that he reminds her of my ex from 2 decades ago. He is by far her favourite of my exes. I keep pointing out that just because they’re both short. Otherwise there’s no resemblance whatsoever. She seems to think it’s a compliment. I’m not sure MrSG would agree.

Mr U is most definitely a sex pirate. Sigh.

This is a brilliant description.

Thank you for the welcome @Peanuthedz

I'm having one of those days on POF.
First the one who rated women with kisses. I told him my rules were no tossers so he'd just ruled himself out.
Next one with only one photo and it shows 2 men. I said I preferred neither of them if I had to guess who had messaged.
Now one sticking up two fingers on his pic. He says he has good moral values. I told him his profile picture says otherwise.

I'm just enjoying having a little rant at some of the idiots on there.

MyOld sounds like my morning of POF, I had one that wrote “I didn’t think perfect existed until I found your profile” 😐😐, one guy that has no profile photo and hardly anything written in his profile and another that lives 500 miles away. I did exchange numbers with someone last night who lives quite near by, he’s not really my type looks wise but seems nice and maybe worth a date, oh and was asked out for coffee by someone that lives quite far away and he’s only 5”2 (too short for me). Not having much luck. Hopefully meeting Mr Normal over the weekend.

@Musti

Partly because he messages often enough that I don't feel the need and also because I get the feeling that guys prize something more they have to work for.

Personally, I just assume that if it isn't mutual, that I am flogging a dead horse with someone that isn't that bothered. Or worse, I am bothering someone is isn't interested but hasn't got the guts to say so.

@Lovemusic33 5"2! Wow. I feel for him. That is tiny.

I think the term sex pirate was coined by @leonasa. Fits Mr U perfectly. I'm ill and maudlin and sad that it can never go anywhere. And this is why I don't do FWB.

Yeah I can't be doing with game playing re messaging. If I'm in I'm in. If I'm messaging too much then they're probably out. And vice versa.

@Mythologies I can check your profile. I'm ill and bored. But I don't know if you're male ir female or which gender you'd like to cast an eye over it....?

And I'd like to hear how GSM is. For future reference.

I have used GSM in the past, it seems to link with other sites (started getting messages from other sites when I joined), never really found anyone in their other than a local police man who was in to dogging (don’t ask). I live in a rural area so I find most of the sites are pretty dead apart from POF and Tinder.

@Peanuthedz Sorry to hear that you are ill and bored. :(
Hope you feel better soon - despite my profile
I am a woman looking for a man - I am 58 (horrors) and my username is BrokeOut.
However, I think you need to be a subscriber to see profiles.
GSM (in my experience) is a total waste of time - but that could just be me.
That's 50 quid I will never see again :(

It was me that made the observation regarding bad boys. I have labelled myself in the past as "the nice guy everyone says they want, but actually the nice guy that nobody wants". I think @hairyarsedman will attest to this phenomenon (clearly a nice guy, clearly not getting as much interest as he'd like). I think I read a paper on it on Psychology Today (as you do), when I developing my emotional intelligence... I think I googled "Nice guys don't get the girl". A gf specifically broke up with me once, because I didn't make her "work" for anything, I just gave it willingly.

I don't know what to do when someone is kind to me. My STBX was pretty abusive really. He certainly wasn't kind to me ever. Mr U is affectionate and does nice things. It sort of unnerves me. I guess over 15 years of being treated like shit affects your perspective. I wouldn't be put off by someone being nice if I liked them. But when you're not 100% sure and someone is very thoughtful it can be a bit irksome.

I think what I'm saying is if kindness comes from the right person it is appreciated.

Although what do I know..

Although what do I know

If anyone of us knew the answers, we wouldn't be on this thread.

re bad boys I was always the boring safe one. My brother better looking, more charismatic, more out going and incapable of fidelity. And got all the girls! I remember one of his girlfriends lamenting why he couldnt be more like me when she found out he had shagged yet another woman. i think i replied because then he'd be me and you wouldnt be interested. Fast forward i am still safe and boring and bro is still charismatic and incapable of fidelity.

Hi everyone, you have all been busy. Welcome newbies and howdy to the oldies. (See what I did there...)

Happy birthday @richdeniro!

I’m struggling, I have my FWB+ as I’d termed him - but I’ve really fallen for him and need to switch it off as I know he doesn’t want a relationship, not in the same way I do. It’s rather one sided.

We’ve talked about it today and I’ve left the ball in his court - I’m away next week which gives us both a bit of thinking time. I think it’s self preservation kicking in as I’m realising I’m not really cut out for FWB I think; I’ve never had a relationship like that, thought I could do it but obviously not.

I’d deleted the apps and I think I’ll leave them deleted, I don’t feel emotionally resilient enough to start swiping again!

Sidge, sorry to hear it seems one sided.
I suspect FWB doesnt work for many more people than it does. there many reasons why someone wants you as a fwb and not all are down to them

happy birthday richdinero

Even nice men can be c*nts. My last ex was a seemingly nice guy, all guardian reading, ethical meat eating, outdoorsy. Did jobs round the house for me. Decorated my kids room one holiday, carpeted my stairs and decorated another holiday. But cheated on me for all of our 5 years together whilst blowing hot and cold.

Mr S is lovely, and has come round today to do a job for me (and got lucky in the process). Lets hope his niceness is more genuine...

I'd travel to my nearest city for a first date, but think I'd prefer a man who lived further away to travel to my city too. That's happened with dates so far. I have travelled to Mr S but once we'd DTD (he booked a hotel near me to start with).

@MrDrummer re bad boys; is that really true though I wonder? 🤔 personally I find typical 'bad boys' are the most boring of the lot!
In my friendship group I think most of us are with 'nice guys' I certainly don't think I could be arsed if I had to work for anyone's love and attention, I'd rather just get another puppy 😆
I do have one friend who falls for bad boy after bad boy though and keeps getting her heart broken. I haven't seen anything appealing about any of them 🤷🏼‍♀️ she seems to quite enjoy the drama though 🙄

Thanks Howling. I don’t doubt he’s fond of me, and he has always been honest about what he did (and didn’t) want. I should have known I’d get the feelz, I’ve only ever had significant relationships and not casual ones!