Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Oh Sidge it's horrible to be in that situation. Despite the fact that I can do casual FWB arrangements, when I fall, I fall hard. That's partly why I choose such unsuitable men as FWBs. No danger of falling for them!

I'm off Fab for now, and just using POF. The dull Mr Grey is dull-ly fading away. Mr W sends two messages a day. Started to chat to a local guy today - who knows whether anything will come of it ...!

POF just gets funnier. Spotted an average looking bloke aged 49.
Only one head and shoulders selfie. Very little in his profile but seems ok.
So I try and send him a message.

But I can't because he only accepts messages from women aged 29 to 42. Someone is a bit deluded! And probably wondering why he's having no luck

Its a mystery why he’d be having no luck. All those 29 year olds should be beating his door down. 😂

I wonder if there’s something in the fact that some women are drawn to ‘bad boys’, while some ‘nice guys’ are drawn to the women who go for bad boys. It’s a recipe for frustration a round.

Personally, I’m not the kind of woman ‘bad boys’ are ever interested in. Or large amounts of men really (at any point in my life). I think I’m just a niche/acquired taste. 😆

^ that guy MyOld refers to isn't me by the way

@MrDrummer I think being nice/decent/respectful is a core part of me, but it's just a baseline level of humanity. I wouldn't expect any interest due to that. I'd hope my interests, drive and personality came across in my profile, along with my life situation, and that this chimed with the reader to some interest (and vice versa).

Speaking of birthdays (best wishes Rich) I'm 49 soon. Should I just adjust my online age to 51 as everyone will expect me to be lying at that point ?

@HairyArsedMan a baseline level of humanity that doesn't seem to be shared by some of the dates of the ladies of this parish.

I am not saying the badboy attraction thing is universal. If it's one thing I have learnt from this thread is that one thing that can be very attractive to one person can be a complete turn off for abother. Even the nice guys can screw up and hurt people (mea culpa).

@Crustaceans (and others). Finding it sooo hard to keep up this thread! Stupidly busy with work. I keep on setting to write and then realising I can't offer support because everyone's situations are changing quite quickly (no judgement btw, I get it). Sorry for not being supportive.

I'm drawn to emotionally unavailable men (hardcore skiers (my work involves.. erm.. landscape terrain yet I'm phobic of heights), men who live 100 miles away, men who have their kids full time (OR are married), men who are on the. AS spectrum (not a problem for some, there are amazing qualities with people on the spectrum but it clashes with my personality - please no one flame me for this!!), and generally for me making the wrong decisions.

I've realised that choosing men in these categories was because of my own insecurity. I'd chosen men that I can keep at arm's length. I don't know if that makes sense, but I am working on the things I don't like about myself and then perhaps I may be able to date? Though my friends seem to think I'm great as I am..

It's really good to see everyone reassessing what their values are wrt to OLD.

I'm with those who get to the 3rd date and can't multi date anymore. My head can't cope!

MyOld I had the same happen to me last week with someone i their 40’s, I didn’t fit his criteria so couldn’t send a message (I’m 37).

Today’s silly messages continue with a message from a 26 year old telling me how fit I look for a 37 year old.

I don't know whether it is 'bad boys' as such but more unsuitable men.
As has been said, 'good guys' can screw up too.. I should know, I married one of them- someone with a good job, settled life and knew what he wanted, he was kind and caring but never 'drew me in' he was a slow burner and I was married to him for 10 years. Unfortunately he did indeed screw up, by screwing other women.
My choice of men since him has probably been opposite to him- mostly fwb's. It's only now that I realise that maybe those choices were probably a way of keeping men at arms length because they aren't really what I want. Self preservation I guess.

I don't know who on here sometimes sends this message to guys with no picture. "Are you a silhouette in real life or just butt ugly?"
Well I thought it amusing and used it on Saturday on POF using fugly instead of butt ugly with a cheeky wink.
I got back "What a fucking rude cow you are" and was blocked instantly. I was laughing my head off.

Azzizam love it 🤣

I have date next week with Mr Not my type, we are meeting at a local pub. Does anyone else worry that the local pub owners might wonder why you go in with various men? 🤣🤣, I’m rural so there’s only a couple pubs/cafes near by, I think I have taken 5 different men into my local, people must wonder?

@Lovemusic33 yes, that is why I don't go there with dates any more 😂

Azzizam I usually ask 'married, ugly or both?'.
I've never been blocked or had a rude comment. Usually just ignored.

Lovemusic33 I have a couple of pubs that I use for dates. And some regular coffee shops. No one seems to have noticed.
But then I hardly have any dates so it's not like I'm in there twice a week with a different man

love I'm sure they enjoy Wondering!! Lol

it tickles me taking them to the same first date venue each time. I'm comfortable there, why not

Can't keep up with the thread!
Azzizam - could be someone working who is in the public profile, teachers etc and doesn't want everyone seeing him? Was funny tho!
Rich - Hope you had a good birthday.

@Peanuthedz yes although I can't take original credit for the term it is a good un!

Ha @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking sounds like you've had a day of it though I do like your style! I need to call out the tossers more often I think 😂 and god the 49 year old takes the prize there, I've across a few that put their age limit lower than their age but seven years is quite something 🤣

Happy birthday @richdeniro!

I've just been out on my date with Mr Tall, there was no chemistry at all, I really wasn't feeling it, he did try and cuddle me a few times too which was a bit weird after an hour at 6pm, so I was straight up with him and just said I wasn't feeling the chemistry but it was nice to meet him. He appreciated the honesty so am glad I just came out with it (usually I do leave that for text I'm not going to lie...)

Yes I have 2 date spots- 1 day 1 night. I often wonder what the staff think 😂

Well I always go for the weirdos or those with one too many issues.
Lol

leonasa - Wow, that's really creepy! I had a bloke put his hand up the back of my top once. What makes them think it's ok! Grrr.

I'm not really into bad boys per se but then I'm pretty sensible so I like those who are kooky or a bit odd and don't have the routine that I have. I often think id like Jon Hamm but actually would like someone like Noel Fielding!

My friend loves the bad boys and there is constantly drama following her around.

I met my Fab guy on Saturday at a cafe close to me. I go there a lot - on my own, with friends, with my adult children, and with about 6 dates 😂 I like it there and the waitresses do give me a look, yes, when a different bloke turns up each time !

@Azzizam I’ve used that lots of times! I’ve asked if they’re a silhouette in real life, married, ugly or in protective custody 😆

Never had anyone respond like that, he’s the rude one! I usually get a lol or something like TooOld said, they’re being coy. I won’t meet without a photo though.

Sidge yes I remember you saying and I thought it would be received with humour especially with the wink but there you go!
Probably a potato in a football shirt.

batshit that's so funny. 😂