37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

Wow I’m so sorry x

do you think he would actually do that ?
If so , you really need to leave. Your really vulnerable right now.

Turning WiFi off was pretty bad imo but that doesn’t make his response okay.
How’s ur relationship normally.

hugs !

Do you think he really will hit you or is he exaggerating because he's pumped up with the aggression of the game?
I don't want to minimise the hideous nature of his attack on you and if you genuinely think you're at risk, you should call the police.

In the morning when he's calmed down, you need to have a talk about why he reacted like that and how it made you feel. His reaction will tell you whether to kick him out or not.

I hope you've calmed enough to sleep tonight.

Fucking hell. That's a huge red flag. Also a gaming addiction maybe? Who loses their shit like that with their partner?

Are you OK? Has he ever spoken to you like that before?

Plan to leave before the baby is born.

Ok, you are posting this late at night... you really need to think this through when you have your child will this men support you? Get some help now this does not seem like a good supportive relationship. Yes he can be angry for turning of wifi but to not aknowlege he is at fault to wake you up is really sad.

Sometimes people don't show their true colours when you're always towing the line.

When you don't tow the line, that's when you catch a glimpse.

No wonder you're terrified. It’s so scary being threatened by a partner and so vulnerable when pregnant

These games bring out the worst in people and when they're 'in the moment' they get carried away and become inconsiderate, rude, and sometimes violent bastards.

I've had gaming exes punch holes in walls, break controllers, throw things and scream and swear. I would know that the worst thing to do would be antagonise them by turning off the Wi-Fi, but why should I have to put up with screaming in the middle of the night and tantrums?

They're exes, and I'm wary of dating gamers now. Other mners may think this is bad advice, but I would lay low until the morning, not add any fuel to the fire, And get out first thing tomorrow until you decide what to do. Violence and threats towards you, you should leave him.

Im so sorry pet. You know you did. Nothing wrong here. Don’t you? Please believe me that you didn’t. You are not in any way to blame for what he did.

You know you need to leave him now don’t you? This was your warning. He told you what he will do to you if you piss him off again. Believe him, he means that.

You can call the police right now and have him arrested for what he has just done. It is domestic violence and the police do now take this seriously. You don’t have to leave the house, he does, and they will make him leave. Call them and tell them everything.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of turning the WiFi off, his reaction is not normal and not OK. Not in the slightest.

If that were me he would be out of the door tomorrow morning. He thinks his game is more important than you.

Like I said I do admit what I did was childish but I did get really cross because even though I was fuming to have been woken up I just said "please can you be a bit more quiet"

It's not as if I kicked off - although even then I don't think I'd have deserved that reaction.

To be honest, right now yes I do believe that if I'd gotten up and turned it off again or even responded he possibly would have done something. I pray that he wouldn't have hit me but he definitely would have done something to the house in my opinion.

I'd like to say that I could sleep now and discuss it calmly in the morning but I already know that tomorrow he will just start shouting at me again if I bring it up. Lately you can't have a calm conversation with him, he doesn't get angry he will just cut me off if I bring up money, or items for baby or even the baby bag. I packed it the other day and asked if he'd like to see the clothes I'd chosen and he told me to "bore off" which to be honest really upset me but I thought maybe I was being silly.

I am literally sat here disgusted, I haven't moved an inch since he walked out. It's not right that I'm having a baby with someone I am too scared to respond to in an argument is it? I mean, it wasn't even an argument I didn't actually say one thing the entire time.

I'm sorry I'm rambling I'm just in shock and don't know what to do. I want to go to sleep but I am scared to lie down as it'll creek the floorboards and he will think I'm up and going to turn it off again.

Turning WiFi off was pretty bad imo

Bollocks. Ignore this ^^shit OP

When the baby is born, will he still be playing online games into the early hours, screaming & waking the baby? Will he be helping with the baby at all? Gaming addiction isn't really compatible with being a decent parent to a new baby. Are you now scared of him, do you feel safe?

Think about these issues, & others posted by other posters. You need to get help, quickly, with this situation.

X-post. He sounds dreadful. Do you have any other support you can turn to in RL?

Being too scared to move is an indicator of how bad this relationship is.

There is no excuse for what he's done.
He started of being inconsiderate then aggressive.
Turning the WiFi off was no big thing when you are trying to sleep and he's waking you up. Is he 12?
And that's good enough reason for him to threaten you with violence?
If you think you are at risk tonight call the police. If not definitely talk to someone in real life as soon as it's safe to do so and look to split up because that is not acceptable behaviour and I wouldn't bring a child into that sort of environment.

Just for playing into the early hours and waking you up, you should LTB.

With those threats, definitely LTB at the earliest opportunity. Preferably tomorrow if you really can't leave now (which may in fact be dangerous).
Keep your phone close and half dial 999 just in case.

None of this is good. You've just said if you talk about this tomorrow he will shout.

He told you to bore off with showing him baby clothes? This is not a loving partner, or supportive dad to be.

Do you have any friends or family in real life who can help you? This man needs to go.

You can do this without him. In fact. It'll be a million times easier without him.

You're scared of making a creak in case he hears you. I know how that feels. Fucking terrifying. He is in the wrong. Not you.

When your baby is born then what's the betting that he continues to put his all-important gaming ahead of you and the child?

When you are trying to settle baby he will be screeching at his game. If and when baby won't settle then you can't trust him not to turn violent.

Take him at his word here. He will do what he says and he is showing you loud and clear who he really is. He won't improve with the arrival of a baby.

Turning the WiFi off was absolutely deserved as he's obviously a childish little scrote! How dare he threaten you. I'm so sorry you have been treated like this and you must be horrified. I think it's really important that you tell someone close to you what has happened. Don't be embarrassed or afraid, it's exactly what he wanted you to feel by behaving like that. Protect yourself and make sure others are aware of his shocking and sudden verbal abuse and violence (punching the door is NOT acceptable). How is he going to deal with a tiny child who is about to test both your limits to the max if he can't even handle a request to let you rest? I'd be inclined to quietly pack a bag, get a taxi and go stay with family/friends to show him how much he just scared you. Is that possible? You can then look into how to move forward tomorrow once you've rested somewhere that you feel safe.
He needs to know his behaviour is very, very far from normal.

Who gives a shit if you turned the WiFi off? He's not a child, he's a grown man.

This is 100% his fault. I hope you know this OP.

Please be safe x

I've just realised we've got cans of beer in the house so he will have been sat down there drinking and playing his violent games which is probably why he's acted like this.

He's 30 years old and about to become a father to a planned baby. This isn't normal. I have no issue with gaming, but I honestly can't be with someone who threatens to hit me. We're having a daughter and the thought of her growing up thinking that's acceptable makes me sick.

Obviously I don't know if it'll ever happen again but right now I feel hatred towards him. Even telling me to "f off" when I asked him to be quiet is out of order.

I start work before him (on ML now) and I am PAINFULLY quiet every morning to ensure I don't wake him up ever, and I think asking for quiet at 12oclock when heavily pregnant isn't being unreasonable? It's not even like I said silence or turn it off, just a request to be more considerate.

I really cannot believe that's just happened. He's just been upstairs to the toilet and didn't come in so he might have calmed down but I'm not risking seeing him tonight whilst he's drinking.

Is the place you live in yours, his or joint?
Do you have family or friends who might take you in until you get sorted?

Abuse often starts or increases during pregnancy. What he's done, and the way he behaves toward you, is unacceptable. You need to make plans to leave. It'd be better to go before the baby is born.

Ok - what he's saying is that the online game he's playing is more important than you or your unborn child.

Think about that.

I know people (at work - IT, go figure...) really into online gaming and their lives can consumed by it. Online group raids late at night/early in the morning. Coming into the office shattered after 6 hours online since the early hours.

If someone had "pulled the plug" midway through an online key group activity I can absolutely imagine them losing their shit (teams/groups can spend weeks planning this stuff - I kid you not).

To be clear I do not condone his behaviour at all.

Rather it's a sign that he's not remotely "getting" what his responsibilities are as a partner and future father.

My advice would be to make a stand before the baby is born.

Tomorrow morning pack him two bags. One has his clothes, the other his gaming equipment.

He can choose to leave and take both.

Or he can choose to stay but surrender his gaming equipment for 3 months to prioritise you and the baby.

Whatever he picks then you have your answer.

Text the police (999). Tell them you’re terrified of your partner, you’re heavily pregnant and he’s threatening to smash your face in. Tell them you’re upstairs and he’s just gone downstairs. They will either keep him in or bail him elsewhere.

Then tomorrow get your life AWAY from him sorted out. You CANNOT stay with him.

You should not stay with this man. He has frightened you tonight - nobody should be with someone who frightens them.

You are about to have a baby - what if the baby annoys him?

It's a very sad fact that many domestic abusers will only show their true colours to their partner when they are pregnant, or married to them. Ie. committed or tied to them. He showed you his true colours tonight.