37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

It's scary and confusing but texting the police is the right thing to do in this situation. If you are doubting yourself or worrying you're overreacting, you're not, those thoughts show you're being controlled. Contacting the police to intervene is the safe thing to do for you and your baby. You've got this.

Call 999. You are heavily pregnant and being threatened by an angry violent man in your home.

@DeRigueurMortis: there is no distinction between gamer rage and domestic violence if it's spilling past the confines of the game. A threat of violence is a threat of violence, irrespective of what the perpetrator was doing beforehand.

Case point:
compete.kotaku.com/pro-gamer-loses-contract-after-he-livestreams-domestic-1819890611

He's 30 years old and about to become a father to a planned baby. This isn't normal.

No it's not normal.

But it's not unusual for DV to start during pregnancy, planned or not, regardless of age. Take it seriously and listen to your instinct

Take him at his word here. He will do what he says and he is showing you loud and clear who he really is. He won't improve with the arrival of a baby.

This ^^

Also bear in mind when a woman is pregnant it's often a time when abuse starts. He may not have physically assaulted you yet as his words and actions are enough for you to fear him. Big red flags that shouldn't be ignored.

Please tell family and friends and believe his threats.

There's solo gaming and then there's casual group gaming where you group up with strangers for a short mission. These are mostly okay. But pre-organized group playing encourages very unhealthy play styles.

You become very invested in proving yourself to the other players. This requires spending long, often unpredictable hours, during group play nights. Sleep is for the weak right? (I've heard that amongst hard-core gamers). Sooner or later he'd inevitably burn out and get sick of it.

But I don't think you can wait for him to get sick of it. There's one thing to get angry, its another thing to threaten to beat you. I don't know, you probably should leave him.

I can't hear anything from downstairs so I am wondering if he's gone to sleep, I'm feeling calmer and have stopped shaking.

I know for a fact I won't be getting an apology tomorrow and I know that actually he will start telling me how controlling I am and completely ignore what he's said. He never admits he's wrong and he's very quick to forget the mean things he's said.

He's quite cruel with his words when we argue, a few months ago he said he hoped something bad happened to me because we'd argued (whilst I was pregnant) - the next day, and to this day, he says that it's my fault he said it because I made him so angry. And to be honest, I think until tonight I kind of accepted that as an excuse, which I now feel ridiculous for.

So that's what it'll be tomorrow, "you made me say that".

He's made me extremely angry tonight but do you see me punching walls or threatening him? Absolutely not.

What frightens me above all, even more than getting hit, is that this man is the man I chose to have a life and a family with. And I had every confidence in it. How did I not see this? I understand abusive behaviour can start in pregnancy but my goodness me. How can he have been so calm, loving and considerate and now I'm getting told to fuck off for asking to be able to sleep in the house I call home?

...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, OP. If you have a problem finding where to live, you could try Women's Aid and see if there is a place in a refuge. They are apparently quite good. Or can you go back to your parents' house? When I was a single mum I rented a house and then looked for house-mates.

It is much, much easier, safer and more enjoyable to be a single mum than to be with a partner like that.

Space i appreciate what you are saying and I think everyone's motives here are the same - to support the OP and ensure her safety.

I absolutely agree that if she feels unsafe she should call the Police.

All I'm bringing to the table here is that I've seen people utterly consumed by online games that have resulted in behaviour that they themselves end up being shocked and totally ashamed by.

It's not an excuse.

It's not acceptable.

Call Women's Aid and the police. You need to get shot of him.

I guess that this is your first baby. Babies are very needy 24/7. They can test any relationship to it's limits. What will this arsehole do when baby won't settle down to let him get on with his gaming?

Sorry, but it doesn't sound as though he will be safe to have anywhere near a baby. I think you can see this now.

Don't accept alcohol as an excuse for his vile behaviour. He knows full well what he's doing and threatening to do.

OP - cross posted.

Given your last post he sounds not at all like a "gamer" addict whose "lost their shit" as I first thought from your initial posts.

He sounds like a very nasty person all round.

Call Women's Aid.

Take care of yourself OP, and please seek aid. And consider not putting him on the birth certificate to protect your daughter from this bastard.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You do not deserve to be treated this way at all. I agree with op that you should silent msg the police. This will get worse and you will soon have a baby added to the mix - how is he going to react to being disturbed by crying? Do you want to be walking on eggshells?

Also looking forward, you want this on record. For your child’s sake. My situation with my ex was different, but I wish I could go back in time and left him when I was pregnant. I think I was in shock, scared, embarrassed and just in disbelief that the person I loved could treat me so badly. But if I had left then, my babies and I would not have spent the first 2 years of their lives walking on eggshells. They wouldn’t have been exposed to a constant tension in the air. I wouldn’t feel sad that I didn’t get to just enjoy that time with them.

You shouldn’t be in fear of your partner.

Well you've had your sign of what's to come. Now is the perfect time to leave before the stress of your baby is here.

Do NOT let this become your child's normal. Because that's what will happen. And next time it could be you he punches, it the baby. Not the damn wall.

This person, who's immersed himself in a game online, needs a wake up call. He's threatened you to the point where you are too scared to get up to turn the light off. Do you have someone who you could text to come and help ? Someone who might actually shame him into seeing exactly what he's done ? If you don't have a friend or family member that you could call on - then I would say you need to call the police . This can't be swept under the carpet or it simply will get worse .

OP, abusers are often perfectly capable of appearing to be calm, loving and considerate. If they weren't then they would never be able to hook anyone in.

I have seen this from an arsehole in the wider family. That person is an abusive alcoholic. Charm and sobriety itself at the start of any relationship, but the mask inevitably slips eventually. He was and probably still is also a gamer. He has lost his marriage, his house and has had no contact with his daughter for at least a decade now.

Oh, and after your daughter is born, I'd make sure he was never allowed to be with her alone, and always supervised visitation. Something tells me that won't be a problem though because I don't feel he would even want to visit her or have anything to do with her. However, in case he does, make sure he is never, ever alone with her. I'm not even kidding. You don't know what he's capable of. You need to protect your daughter from him.

Hey, I’m glad you’ve stopped shaking and you’re starting to feel calmer.
It’s huge to leave someone and go it alone. It must be tempting to just hope this is a one off and he’ll behave in future. I think from the comments you’ve said he’s made and what’s happening tonight he’s stopped thinking of you in a loving way. It sounds like he resents the baby already. I’m sorry to say I don’t think you have a future with him. For your good and your babies you do need to leave him.

The practical aspects of leaving I’m sure seem overwhelming. I often wonder how many people stay in dangerous situations because they can’t afford an alternative (I’m sure it’s loads). If you can make it through the night call women’s aid tomorrow, try to come up with some sort of plan. Most of all keep yourself safe. It’s safer to leave when he’s not there and not to let him know you’re going. Women are most vulnerable when pregnant or leaving a partner.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

Please call the police and tell them about your bf’s abuse- then call Woman’s Aid and ask to be referred to a refuge! If you are too afraid at the moment, wait until he leaves the house, you could contact your midwife and ask for support.

There will be places in a refuge or emergency housing, there will be grants available to support you, as well as benefits that you can be supported through claiming. You can do this, you can escape! Whatever happens DO NOT put his name on the birth certificate! Please do inform the police, you need proof that he is dangerous and not safe to have around your tiny baby!

Oh, and another thing, don't put him on her birth certificate. You can still apply for child maintenance and he of course can go through the courts and get a DNA test and be put on the birth cert. but I'm sure that would be too much trouble for him.

If he miraculously turns out to be a decent father, you can encourage the relationship but as long as he is not on the birth cert you have more cards in your hand to keep your child safe.

call the police and get the hell away from this fuckwit asap. From what you say this is not the first time he has shown this behaviour. Even if you can't see it its clear when you it back.

'Gamers' are such losers. Wasting their lives clicking away at a game, I would never even date one, let alone live with. The addiction leaves no room for a fulfilling relationship and family life.

However, putting that aside, he sounds like a revolting man. Without knowing him one can't tell how much of his behaviour is a result of his addiction.

If I were in your shoes, I would involve the police. Get him removed from the house whilst you make your plans. You simply cannot continue to live with such a vile person. Luckily you are only in a tenancy, and not married, so you can untangle yourself from him relatively simply.
Do you have parents, family, friends who could give you real life support? Under no circumstances put his name on your child's birth certificate. Use every legal option open to you to minimise his access to your child.
Start again. You can do it. The venom with which he spoke to you is not a basis for any relationship, let alone one involving co parenting an innocent child.

Stay safe.