37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

Please leave. He's threatened to hurt you and regrets having your baby.

Please leave now before he does physically hurt you.

@feelingsinister How about you calm down before lashing out at people and making an idiot of yourself? "Implying that she somehow trapped him into this pregnancy" I never said any such thing, nor did I remotely even imply any such thing. smh

@brexitisamare I hope you have managed to get some sleep. Think carefully about what you want to happen today. If you want him out of the house, don't do this alone. Have someone there with you or call the police.

As others have said, believe that he has shown you the type of person he really is and that you don't want this for you and your daughter.

It made me so sad to read that he told you to 'bore off' when you were excited and showing him your hospital bag. You deserve people in your life who will share that excitement with you.

Please get away or get him out today. You can plan for the future when you are safe and away from him. Take one day at a time and accept all the help you can get.
Midwife, children's centre, family and friends.

Keep posting if it helps.

Forget "who turned the WiFi off". What if there had been a power cut or if it had just turned itself off? Would he have stormed in screaming at you, assuming it was you?

It sounds like he's routinely bored/mean/rude at you.

Please listen to people here and get out while you still can.

Please leave him. Any threats of violence and he needs to go, he could not hit you, unborn child or your other child. He needs to go NOW!

What would happen if the internet dropped out due to a fault on the line while gaming.

While I do like gaming it’s a f... game at the end of the day. I can take it or leave it and limit my time to about 20 minutes a week.

And for that he said it’s acting more like a child than a grown man.

It might be worth if you don’t call the police or LTB reading this in a few days to remember just how bad it was.

Yes it’s scary to get rid but will be so much more peaceful and calm without him around.

@brexitisamare hope you are okay this morning? How are you feeling? Did you get any sleep?

Horrible situation and he sounds like a dick, just to put it out there - there isn’t even a baby yet in the mix. Fast forward four weeks, he’s on his Xbox screaming at the of his voice, baby is crying, you’ve had next to no sleep, neither has he..... you are both stressed... what happens then???

Huge huge red flags for me, and I’d want to at least speak to someone else re it and have some breathing space. Have you got family around? Can you go to stay with one of them for a few days?

This is abuse.

He doesnt want a child and he doesnt love you.

I'm sorry but its true, if he did he wouldnt have reacted like that, beer or no beer.

He is vile. The baby will be screaming crying all night and you will need help. How is he going to cope then?

Have you got any friends or family anywhere near or has he that he could move out

I'd recommend the National Domestic Violence hotline run by Women's Aid, 0808 2000 247. It's 24 hours a day and can hook you up with local refuges.

Well done for realising that this isn't right. You deserve to be around people who are excited about your baby, and you deserve to feel safe.

@LunafortJest still very calm. As I said, your words are there and they were absolutely victim blaming.

It's fine if you don't see that, carry on and I'll continue to call out this sort of behaviour.

@LunafortJest woahhhh
How is any of what you wrote in that first post helpful?! Jesus Christ, do you realise that abusers very rarely show their true colours until they’ve got you trapped either by pregnancy or marriage?
OP has said they both wanted the baby and he didn’t behave like this beforehand, she certainly didn’t choose to have a baby with a violent asshole because he wasn’t behaving like that before the pregnancy!

Also I’m not sure how being married or engaged is meant to have protected the OP in this situation? Because obviously married or engaged women never suffer domestic abuse 🙄

I’m literally aghast.

The only sensible thing you wrote was about the supervised contact for their DD.

@LunafortJest

You absolutely victim blamed. SHAME ON YOU.

OP, you've done nothing wrong, nothing. How are you this morning? My ex used to frighten me like this - once told me, when I turned to go into the kitchen after we were having a very minor argument, that "if you'd been a man I would've punched you in the face right then", all because I "turned my back on him" which is "disrespectful". I was so frightened of him after that, the relationship never recovered.

OP hope your night wasn't too bad.

He should actually know exactly what is in your maternity bag if he's your birth partner. It's recommended by all birthing courses as either he, a midwife or a nurse may have to dress the newborn as you may not be able to. If you are stuck unable to move, in a different room or unconscious how is he going to do it or direct a healthcare professional to the clothes?

My partner dressed our baby as I needed stitches so wasn't allowed to move. Other women I know have had other complications were the father has been told to look after the newborn while medical staff deal with the mother.

Please listen to the others about abusive partners not changing and getting worse. My current partner has an abusive ex and the red flags were there when they were together but he didn't see it. It got to the point she threatened the health of their child before he did anything.

@Edbear42 Yes, the DV hotline is great advice. They can as you said offer refuge information.

Hi OP, this happened to me at 35 weeks. For me its an enormous red flag as he did go on to abuse me. Get out now whilst you have the chance.

@LunafortJest I don't think you can realise quite how hideous your posts make you look. But when everyone reading your words draws the same conclusions, screaming that the world has issues and you're totally normal deceives only yourself, I'm afraid. I'm sorry for your issues, but it might be best if you restricted yourself to threads about child-free weddings, party invitations, and difficult mothers in law, in future. You can do no actual harm there.

OP, how are you doing today? Thinking of you.

Hi op I feel so scared reading this about you. I hope you have managed to sleep.

I agree that leaving before your baby is born would be easier.

You are too scared to turn the light off as he might wonder what your doing?

What if you need to use the bathroom? At that stage I was needing too every half hour!

What if you went into labour and he acted like this because you interrupted his game?

Please get away from him. You and your dd will be so much happier not living In fear of his unpredictable outbursts.

OP please get a bag packed and leave. Have you got parents or relatives you can go to? Even if it means going far away - get away from this man.

Word of advice; don't put him on the birth certificate.

Hope you managed some sleep op

Thinking of you too OP.

Please leave, OP. You and your baby are not safe with this awful prick.

How will he cope when the baby arrives? He can't sit around screaming at games. I had a difficult birth and my partner had to dress and look after the baby in the first hours; would he be capable of doing that? Would he be able to look after a baby who doesn't want to sleep or could cry all hours with colic? If the answer is no, then leave now, to parents or whoever, before everything is a million times harder with a tiny vulnerable baby.