37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

This is the easiest time to leave. Honestly it is. It will get much, much worse.

My x was like this op. First really really scary outburst of rage when i was pregnant. It does happen again. It will happen again. Trying to do the right thing as a mothr with that type of man becomes harder and harder.
That type of man trains you to never inconvenience them or challenge them through their rage and yr fear.
They know they're unreasonable so they crank their rage up to scare you.

Ps it is the easiest time to leave. It will be hardr after baby born.

I wish id left before.

I dont think its ever acceptable to threaten to do that. I couldnt stay, i'm afraid.

OP, if he's gone quiet now and you're staying put - as I suspect has happened - just get up and out tomorrow morning and start work on finding somewhere else to live. Have you any family or friends who would help? Say as little to him as possible. He won't accept he's wrong, you've said that yourself. Just concentrate on getting out. He will not be a good dad if this is how he's capable of behaving.

Your actions weren't childish, why are you apologising for a small action? I would never accept DP saying those things...... he is scarily abusive and you need to run......

@itwaseverthus you're not old and out of touch. DP is 24 and doesn't touch it, my brother is 21 and other brother is 15 and they don't either - maybe fifa once a month but they see the damage

Can you move to your parents house? This is very worrying behaviour

... in a few short weeks he's going to be disturbed a lot by a crying baby, will he react the same way?!

Brexit I'm sorry, that's just how they seem to operate. I was fooled in a similar manner. Don't make my mistake, please, get him out or leave, ASAP, and for the love of dog, DO NOT put his name of that birth certificate.
Run. Tell him you miscarried if you have to.

Sorry this has happened to yet another woman.

What are you going to do?

Pregnancy is the most common time for domestic abuse to start.

This is not normal. It's domestic abuse. He is abusive. You are bringing a baby into a home with an abusive man.

As a single parent, you would be entitled to benefit support, and it would be as a working person, because maternity leave is treated as employment for benefit calculation purposes.

Please call Women's Aid - now, tonight. You're heavily pregnant and he's threatening violence now, and this is after his escalating behaviour towards you. I'm sorry, but babies cry a lot. They're hugely demanding. Think of those headlines where volatile men lose it and their babies die, or are injured.

You also need to speak to your GP and the midwife about this, and to do so first thing tomorrow. It has to be recorded, because if you later need legal help to protect your child from him, you can only get it with evidence of domestic abuse. Please ensure that's recorded.

Please call women's aid. Please. Your little girl needs you to keep her safe.

I'm so incredibly sorry you are coping with this. You should be being cared for and supported - you deserve to be. It's hideous that you are having to protect yourself and your baby before she's even born.

www.entitledto.co.uk

You can calculate how much help you'd be entitled to using that link. There are also charities that work like food banks, but for the things people need for babies and children. Sadly the one near us often asks for eg cot beds for women leaving abusive situations. It has to be your choice, what you do now, but don't think help and support isn't available, if you decide you want to leave. It is.

You need to leave before the baby comes. It will be so much harder after you've given birth.

I know that right now you think you have to stay but you don't! You really, truly, don't. You are never trapped in a home with an abuser. There is always a way out.

As PPs have said contact women's aid. They will be able to help.

Please, please don't stay with this man just because you're off on Mat leave. It will be easier to get out of there and raise the baby alone that it will be to live with him. He will not be a good partner or father. His behaviour will get worse. Look after yourself and your baby OP xx

Op i hope your silence means you've managed to get some sleep.

I'm so sorry, this must be utterly heartbreaking.

It's not the end of the world though. You have this wonderful new little world that is about to begin for you and it will be just fine without him if he's going to make threats like 'smash your face in'. In fact, given you've said other things about him being unpleasant I think you might find life surprisingly better all round. Speak to your midwife, they'll help you access some support.

Telling you to bore off and not taking responsibility for wrongdoing is neither loving or considerate behaviour op!!

Like others have said he sees you and this child as an intrusion and inconvinience on his life. Father material??? Not at all.

I do hope you take the advice not to put his name on the birth certificate because there is no way on god's earth I would trust my DC to be alone with someone that volatile, aggressive and irresponsible.

Please don't expect that when you give birth he will turn into some doe eyed doting father..... if anything stress will increase, and at best you will solely be responsible for parenting with him doing fuck all, or at worst on the recieving end of actual physical violence.

You've been shown a number of red flags now; it's time to take of the blinkers.

Lovely, they have advice and information from the NHS here:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/domestic-abuse-pregnant/

And Tommys, the charity for pregnancy and newborns, have info and advice here:

www.tommys.org/tommys-midwives-blog/domestic-abuse-and-pregnancy

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but knowledge is power. Finding out your options, and what help may be available, will empower you.

I hope you got some sleep, and are feeling at least a little less awful now.

The 'turning off the WiFi was pretty bad' comment is horseshit.
You're the innocent one here, OP.
Hope you're ok

He sounds abusive and violence and wanted to scare you to make you comply and put you in your place.

How long have you been with him and how long have you lived together.

He's shown you who he is and that if he scares you like that, you will comply.

He'll keep doing it and soon you'll be a fearful shell of the person, you once where and you DD will grow up thinking she has to cater to scary or violent men.

Better if he leaves, you’d be better if in your own

Dread to think what hell be like when a baby arrives home 😥

OP I hope you can get somewhere safe in the morning. This guy is only going to get worse. There is no excuse or reason to justify this behaviour. Please don't be with him once the baby arrives.

@LunafortJest fuck off with your victim blaming bullshit.

Who the fuck are you to have a go at the OP like that.

It's very common for domestic abuse to start/escalate in pregnancy even when the baby is planned. Implying that she somehow trapped him into this pregnancy is offensive when the OP has already said the baby was planned.

It's none of your fucking business whether they're married or whether they plan to marry. You don't need to be married to be in a committed relationship and have children.

People change and it can happen very quickly. Someone close to me was in a very happy relationship but he changed completely during pregnancy and became very cruel and nasty. Never physically apart from punching walls but verbally and financially very abusive and controlling. No-one saw it coming, least of all my loved one.

Think very carefully before launching your idiotic opinions at vulnerable and upset people again. Jesus, hasn't she had a bad enough night already?

"You made me do it" is the last resort of the guilty and stupid. We are all responsible for our own actions. He could have chosen to respect the fact that you're carrying his child and not told you to eff off. He could have chosen to have an adult discussion with you instead of sulking like a six year old. But he didn't. He chose to be rude, threatening, aggressive and abusive. NEVER think that you have caused behaviour like this. It is NOT your fault. Get away from him now before it gets worse. You deserve so much better and so does your little girl.