37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

When people tell you who they are, listen. If you don't have anyone who can get you now call the police, they will ensure you are safe. They will not think that you're overreacting or that this is nothing.

I remember reading once that a lot of domestic abuse starts in pregnancy so please, please see the red flag and prioritise your safety. If he's gone this far, he knows he can act this way or worse in the future.

Thinking of you OP, I am so, so sorry he's acting in this despicable way. You did nothing to warrant his reaction.

I'd also be tempted to make plans to leave tbh - and if you're scared tonight you need to call the police.

What is your situation? Do you own/rent/are you on the tenancy?

Do NOT confront him, tonight or tomorrow. That’s ridiculous advice.

OP - if you can't do anything tonight - please tell your midwife at your next appointment.

They are well-trained in dealing with this - because it is so common for women to suffer domestic during pregnancy. Your midwife will know how to help you. Please be honest with her.

Lots of abuse does start in pregnancy. Or if they were abusive before, it gets worse in pregnancy. From experience, this is true.

Tomorrow morning pack him two bags. One has his clothes, the other his gaming equipment. He can choose to leave and take both.

Do NOT do this. You will be at risk, as well as your baby.
It's safer for you to leave, preferably when he's not around.

Please, people, read posts on domestic violence properly before giving dangerous advice.

I realise i am old and grown men gaming makes me queasy so I am out of touch but fuck me, that is not a man you have married my dear. A man is ready to protect his wife and child, not threaten them to Fuck Off! Why is a gaming addiction being used as an excuse for utterly vile, threatening behaviour?

Here's a yardstick. If your dad wouldn't do it (and assuming you had a lovely dad), don't fucking take it. Get some high standards whatever your past. This creep aint it.

💐

LTB. But you know that, right?

Huge red flags if he's said something like that. You've got to think of yourself and your unborn baby.

I would leave it for now but speak to him tomorrow. Please keep safe in the meantime

Are there any family members or friends you could speak to?

Sorry but there would be no circumstances under which I would be allowing this man in my home again never mind giving him the option to surrender his games for 3 months or staying at my mums to show him how frightened I was!

Fuck that shit!

You do not want to be sending him messages. You want to be sending him to the far side of fuck.

He wouldn’t be near me or my child for as long as I could keep it that way. He would be gone tomorrow, police would be involved, restraining orders the lot. He would lay eyes on my child at the far side of a court order.

We rent and share the tenancy, I don't really have anywhere to go and on maternity pay I wouldn't be able to afford my own place.

I know it's easy to say right now because I'm so angry but I really don't want to stay with him, I can't stop thinking about how angry he was just then. It was horrible.

And again, I know he might never do this again but what if he did get just as angry with baby, I'd never forgive myself after seeing this.

I haven't even got up to turn the light off because I'm scared if he hears me moving he will come up to check what I'm doing. There's a chance I'm being over the top but it's not worth the risk.

I know I need to try to go to sleep and see what happens tomorrow but I don't feel remotely tired now.

Thank you all for your replies by the way, I didn't know what I was expecting or even why I posted but reading the replies is helping me to calm down x

Don’t confront him until you have a friend or family member with you, if that is not possible, a police officer. The news is full of women who have been badly beaten by their partners. I would call the police and get out now.

If you're that scared you need to call the police. Seriously OP.

OP, if you don't feel you can make a noise, here is how you can text the police:

metro.co.uk/2017/05/26/how-to-silently-alert-police-or-an-ambulance-in-an-emergency-6664488/

Darling phone the police, tell them you're terrified and your partner has threatened to smash your face in. If he is carted away maybe that will be the wake up call for him that he needs help with this addiction.

You can not live like this and certainly can not bring a daughter into this environment. A line has been crossed and if he gets away with it, his behaviour can only get worse.

Please phone the police.

In fact anyone who even dared to tell me to fuck off would be barred from my house for life. Same for bore off! The utter contempt he has for you oozes from those two comments.

You should NEVER be scared in your own home.
Think about it.

It should be a place of safety.

Women's Aid could help you navigate the issues of accommodation and protecting yourself from this man.

I wouldn't be speaking to him about it- I'd be getting out of there as soon as you can manage. I'm no spring chicken, but this has horrified me. You simply CANNOT raise a child with this man. Please keep yourself and your baby safe.

And what will happen if the baby disturbs him when he is drinking and playing his violent games?

You must leave for the sake your child if not yourself.

I didnt, and its a decision I will regret for the rest of my life. Because he did do it again, and again and again. And it got worse.

Social Services have signed me and my children off as not at risk, but it took having the police remove him from the house and my youngest is having counselling because she witnessed the worst of his behaviour.

I'm so sorry, but you need to call the police, to protect yourself and your baby.

Please contact the police.

You are afraid to lie down in your own bed at 37 weeks pregnant incase it makes a noise.

Remember that when you feel like forgiving him and moving on as if it never happened. If there is only one thing you remember about this night, let it be that. Because that tells you exactly who he is.

Lwegi I have read lots of information on DV.

Everything the OP has posted points to "gamer rage" rather than your "standard"
domestic abuser.

However, I do concede wrt my advice, I should have said to offer his bags within a space of safety ie with someone trusted present.

Oh you poor thing. Please get him out as soon as possible - even if it means calling the police right now. Its completely wrong for you to feel terrorised in your home. A sharp action like this may wake him up as to his behaviour, but in any case its important that you are safe and that your future is not shaking with fear in your bedroom, afraid to make a sound.

How will you keep a baby quiet if this excuse of a man doesn't want noise "distracting" him from what he really wants in his life, which sadly does not seem to be you or your baby.

The time to take action is now. Huge sympathies for the situation you find yourself in. Please keep posting, you'll get plenty of support.

The more you post about him the more I actually now think that you should call the police. You are fearful in your own home at the moment. You shouldn't be.

He is a scumbag.