My husband completely loses it when I have my period

[Moosmum1]

Me and my husband have been together for nearly 10 years, and up until 4 years ago I never had a period due to my contraceptive pill. 2 children later, hubby has had the snip, and I am no longer on the pill. Sex has always been a touchy subject for us as he feels that if we are not regularly having sex (2-3 times a week) then we have issues with our relationship. I’ve tried to explain to him that the more he pushes sex as a priority, the less I want it, and he needs to take the pressure off and let us enjoy our sex life as and when, rather then nagging and constantly commenting on his want for it or when we last did it.

The problem really hits when I have my period. I don’t like having sex when I’m on, it’s just not for me. He doesn’t cope with it very well and is always clearly unhappy that I have come on, but every now and then he completely loses it. He will either completely stop talking to me, or go crazy at me shouting at me that we don’t have sex enough. I’ve hit my limit with it now, he is making me miserable. I really want to keep our family unit together, but I don’t even see how that is possible when I am so down all the time I actually dread coming home.

I dont really know what I’m asking, I suppose, is this normal male behaviour? Should I just suck it up? Any constructive advice welcome.

Get out. He has been like this for ages in other ways not just since you started menstruating. Your life would be so much easier and calmer without him around you. He's not going to improve with age is he? His behaviour is borderline illegal and coercive and as PPs have said, my foof would slam shut forever in the face of what you are enduring.

He is a rapey misogynistic bully.

This. To even consider it might be normal male behaviour is an insult to the many men who just would find his behaviour incomprehensible. It's coercive at best. He doesn't have a right to your body. And the shouty aggression means he is very far from being a good father. I know, I grew up with a father like that.

He's not an amazing father. Your children will start to notice him shouting at you and sulking and disrespecting you.

Honestly I couldn't love a man who shouted at me for being on my period. It's so horribly abusive.

He is not an amazing father. Amazing fathers do not abuse (and what you describe is abuse) and generally disrespect the mother of their children.

I wouldn't put up with this and nor should you. You can do much better than this selfish entitled abusive twat. You deserve better.

And your children deserve better than to grow up in an abusive household where their father treats their mother so appallingly.

@AnyFucker 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

You're not important to him. You're a hole. Sorry to be so frank but decent partners fill up the hot water bottle and go buy the revels.

You're obviously not 'in the place' to consider this as a dealbreaker yet, but start joining the dots and we are all here to support you.

Fucking hell! He’s vile, LTB.

He isn’t upset because you have got your period as such, more that you are withholding sex from him.

What does he do if you tell him you are feeling ill/tired/not in the mood?

I can't believe you have managed to last so long...!!! I agree with all the others, I couldn't put up with this at all and he isn't normal

You should ask him if he became unwell long-term ( obviously periods are not an illness ) How would he feel if you ranted and raved if he got one of his migraines , IBS , or whatever and did not want to have sex that night ?

He's a disgusting pig. How do you even let him touch you without cringing?

He screams at you for having a period. Let's say that again... he screams at you for having a period.

I have no words. But I all this "he's great at xyz " is absolutely bullshit. You don't get away with abuse just because you're good at cooking, or you play with your kids or you clean the house. Normal household activities are not an example of how someone is great. They are expected. Playing with your kids is not an example of being great. It is expected.

Being understanding of your period and respecting your wish not to have sex is expected. Being great would be coming to you with a hot water bottle and your favourite drink whilst your feeling a bit sore. But what does he do? Oh yeah, he shouts at you!!! For having a period??? And he's abusive when he doesn't get enough sex...

Wake up.

What are you getting out of this relationship, what is in this still for you re this individual?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

Women in poor relationships like yours Moo often write the good dad comment when they themselves can think of nothing positive to write about their man. Your relationship bar is also far too low if all you can write about him to mitigate him is that he is a good dad and picks up the slack at home. Its really the barest of bare minimal requirements for a relationship.

He is NOT a good dad to his children if he treats you as their mother with such outright contempt and disdain. Its certainly not normal male behaviour.

How awful for you OP. You are completely normal for not wanting sex whilst on your period. That's your choice and nobody else's and he should respect that. He sounds abusive to me. It's quite coercive behaviour and not normal at all.

If he screams at you when you're having a period do not forget either that sound travels and the kids are likely hearing every word he utters.

I have endometriosis. My periods have been extremely painful and heavy leaving me more often than not curled up on the floor in agony due to this. My DH has always treated me respectfully when I was on a period and comforted me in both deed and words, not shouted at me like your man does. Your husband's actions are about power and control, this man wants absolute over your body as well.

Do you ever say no to him sexually.sounds to me like you agree to sex to shut him up weather you want it or not...this is not normal behaviour from either of you..it is your body you do not have to have sex just because your not on your period and he wants it....you only agree to sex if you actually want it..he hasnt got any rights to your body...ltb

What’s going to happen when your going through the menopause? My mum and grandmother bled for months at a time.
Honestly, this is not normal.
How many times do you have sex just to shut him up?

Sexual coercion is a form of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is a crime. Your husband is a criminal. Wonder who'd service his nasty cock in jail? Fuck that. I'd never have sex with that rapey twat again because I'd be divorced from him. There's no good 'family unit' when one party is an abuser. No counselling will change him so don't bother, it's not good to go to counselling with an abuser. That's exactly what he is.

What AnyFucker said. Every time I read 'amazing dad' 'great dad' 'brilliant dad', he's always a cunt.

My partner brings me chocolate home if I'm on mine. You deserve better than this

This is abuse your not a sex toy and emotionally forcing someone is rape.

You poor thing OP. Please listen to what everyone is telling you on this thread. I can only sympathise, as my Ex was also like this about sex: pester, pester, pester, bully, bully and then nasty.

I really feel for you, op. I think deep down you've known this isn't right but putting it into words and having everyone pounce has made it real.

I can only echo what everyone else has said. This isn't love, this is entitlement. I think you should consider counselling for yourself pronto.

Sorry op but I think you are in denial, good points don’t make up for the pressure to perform you are under. The monitoring how long between sex is a huge red flag. The period thing is the cherry but quite honestly sex has become all about him, you no doubt are being pressured into sex to keep the peace, this isn’t ok and isn’t something that happens in healthy loving relationships. I’d LTB just for that. Please get out before you end up scarred by this man, you might not realise but this will be subtly changing how you feel about sex and will chip away at your desire. This is how people end up with massive problems feeling nauseous and unable to enjoy sex at all. Don’t ruin yourself for him, he isn’t worth it, no one is.