Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband completely loses it when I have my period

313 replies

Moosmum1 · 18/03/2019 22:54

Me and my husband have been together for nearly 10 years, and up until 4 years ago I never had a period due to my contraceptive pill. 2 children later, hubby has had the snip, and I am no longer on the pill. Sex has always been a touchy subject for us as he feels that if we are not regularly having sex (2-3 times a week) then we have issues with our relationship. I’ve tried to explain to him that the more he pushes sex as a priority, the less I want it, and he needs to take the pressure off and let us enjoy our sex life as and when, rather then nagging and constantly commenting on his want for it or when we last did it.

The problem really hits when I have my period. I don’t like having sex when I’m on, it’s just not for me. He doesn’t cope with it very well and is always clearly unhappy that I have come on, but every now and then he completely loses it. He will either completely stop talking to me, or go crazy at me shouting at me that we don’t have sex enough. I’ve hit my limit with it now, he is making me miserable. I really want to keep our family unit together, but I don’t even see how that is possible when I am so down all the time I actually dread coming home.

I dont really know what I’m asking, I suppose, is this normal male behaviour? Should I just suck it up? Any constructive advice welcome.

OP posts:
Moanymoaner123 · 18/03/2019 23:44

My ex was like this, the relief when we broke up was immediate, it is so lovely not to have to listen to the nagging and pestering and whinging. He can be a good parent if you break up, my ex is, just means you don't have to live with the harassment anymore. I actually have a high libido, but not when I'm being groped and pestered by a man child. I'm looking forward to resuming a sex life with someone who actually sees me as a person, not a hole to service his needs.

Tunnockswafer · 18/03/2019 23:45

In sickness and in health. Imagine what he would be like if you had an illness that made sex difficult or undesirable for you. He’d be off like a shot - or worse perhaps, stay and shoot at you.

Tunnockswafer · 18/03/2019 23:46

shout at you! I hope he wouldn’t actually shoot you.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2019 23:47

All these "amazing dads" that are actually complete cunts.

Original poster
Moosmum1 · 18/03/2019 23:48

Moanymoaner123, I used to have quite a healthy sex drive, I think children, and getting older, has dampened it a little!

OP posts:
tildaMa · 18/03/2019 23:50

Oh, and btw - he's not "picking up the slack at home". You're not his housekeeper.

SandyY2K · 18/03/2019 23:51

Tell him to go to counseling to work on himself, as you NEVER EVER want to hear him complain about your period again.

zen1 · 18/03/2019 23:52

You are right to no longer put up with this any more. What kind of arse shouts at their partner and in effect punishes her for having her period? I’d be dumping him, he’s not worth the hassle.

WisdomOfCrowds · 18/03/2019 23:54

I think pp asked a really good question about how he was when you were pregnant/ recently post-partum op. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you were coerced "pestered" into resuming sex again before you felt ready to. Seriously, there is no amount of "good in other ways" that makes up for this.

GabsAlot · 18/03/2019 23:55

good point what would happen if you were incapable of ever having sex again

id ask him this

MsDogLady · 18/03/2019 23:59

I would not be with a man who treated me like a sex doll that he should be able to use on demand.

Justaboy · 19/03/2019 00:00

Jeez! if hes getting sex two or three times a week isnt that enough for him?.

To forgo sex whilst your on a period dosent seem unreasonable. Yep i've had sex with some partners at that time on the month some women love it some don't seems he needs educuating with his demands.

Any chance of some counselling perhaps?.

CardinalCat · 19/03/2019 00:01

This is awful, selfish, abusive, controlling and needy behaviour from him. I'm frankly amazed that you still manage to engage in sexual activity with him once or twice a week- it sounds repulsive to have to perform to a quota with the knowledge that even that isn't good enough for him. Why do you think you put up with this terrible behaviour? You're not a wank sock any time of the month, and especially not at a point in the cycle where you clearly feel vulnerable/ not in the mood/ not that it matters what the reason is because it's YOUR BODY. Does he truly realise how commodotised this makes you feel?

thegreatbeyond · 19/03/2019 00:24

No, my husband doesn't complain if I have a period, or say no to sex for any reason. It would be weird and horrible.

HelloDarlin · 19/03/2019 00:41

Mine brings me tea & toast in bed, rubs my belly & takes care of all the housework, if I feel unwell with my period. He even goes out & gets cake & magazines. I’ll never take it for granted, hearing this...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/03/2019 01:01

He's a bully. Also a sexual bully, but primarily a bully.

You should NOT be made to feel ashamed of having your period, FFS - what an utter cunt he is for making you feel bad about it!!
And so SELFISH - he doesn't actually give a flying fuck about you or your wants or needs, does he, it's All About Him.

Are you sure you want to stay in this relationship? Sounds like you'd feel a lot better out of it.

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 19/03/2019 01:21

I’m so glad you have stood up for yourself OP! You know that he won’t change don’t you? He will ramp it up again and pressure you until you give in just to shut him up.

You deserve so much better! Your dh doesn’t love or respect you! He sees you as a commodity that he owns and is entitled to! His temper tantrums appear as soon as you show your autonomy and say no! I bet he isn’t used to being told no, is he?

My dh and I barely have sex, I have an indwelling catheter due to severe disablement and catch frequent uti’s, which have twice developed into sepsis. Does my dh complain? No, never! He is incredibly gentle, loving and understanding! He constantly tells me he loves me and when I am cramping, he will heat my hot water bottle, cook me iron rich foods and buy me my favourite chocolates! That’s how a good and loving man should behave!

Even before my illness, my dh NEVER pressured me for sex, that’s not to say it never happened on my period, but if it did, it was because I instigated- otherwise he took my having my period to mean no sex and never complained.

TheLoneWolfDies · 19/03/2019 01:33

He sounds like an abseloute prick!

ShowOfHands · 19/03/2019 01:45

Why are these abusive men always "amazing dads"? Especially when "amazing" seems to equal "normal". Is it a comparison to their otherwise shitty behaviour?

LazyLizzy · 19/03/2019 01:54

So it's not just about sex. It rarely is.

He flies off the handle over other stuff.

Why don't you write a list of the positives of being without him?
Be honest with yourself.
Sometimes it's an eye opener.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/03/2019 01:58

“Amazing dad” my sweet Aunt Fanny!

A wise person said that the most important thing a father can do for his children is love and respect their mother.

He certainly isn’t treating you with love or respect, is he?

pissedonatrain · 19/03/2019 02:02

What an abusive weirdo.
He really will survive a fews days without sex due to your period.

Shut down the shouting by walking out of the room. He thinks you will tolerate his shouting man child behaviour. Show him you won't.

Klopptimist · 19/03/2019 02:06

I used to have quite a healthy sex drive, I think children, and getting older, has dampened it a little!

Hang on a min, am I right in thinking you have 2 DC under 4 yo and you are still managing to have sex twice a week? And you think things have 'dampened'? Christ almighty Moo, this is a damn sight more than most other couples in this situation manage! Your DH doesn't know he's born does he? Oh love, you know you'd still have your family without him. Even if LTB meant giving up work to go on benefits, you wouldn't be sat on the sofa crying over a perfectly natural biological process would you Flowers

KennyCalmIt · 19/03/2019 02:13

Nothing would make me more dry than being with a man who loses his shit every time I got my period.
Maybe that’s why your sex drive is lower than it used to be

He’s an absolute pig. Imagine feeling like shit because you know your husband is gunna kick off simply because you’re on your period Confused

IC4nSeeYourPixels · 19/03/2019 02:56

So because he doesn't mind having sex while on period he thinks you shouldn't mind too and because you do mind and say no he shouts at you, ignores you and makes you miserable.

There's a word for men who try to coerce and manipulate consent by treating their wives like shit. You do realise that's what he's doing here, he's hoping you'll let him have sex with you, even though he knows you dont want to, just to avoid his anger or silent treatment.

Coerced consent isn't consent and amazing Dads don't bully their children's mother because she doesn't want sex.