Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband completely loses it when I have my period

313 replies

Moosmum1 · 18/03/2019 22:54

Me and my husband have been together for nearly 10 years, and up until 4 years ago I never had a period due to my contraceptive pill. 2 children later, hubby has had the snip, and I am no longer on the pill. Sex has always been a touchy subject for us as he feels that if we are not regularly having sex (2-3 times a week) then we have issues with our relationship. I’ve tried to explain to him that the more he pushes sex as a priority, the less I want it, and he needs to take the pressure off and let us enjoy our sex life as and when, rather then nagging and constantly commenting on his want for it or when we last did it.

The problem really hits when I have my period. I don’t like having sex when I’m on, it’s just not for me. He doesn’t cope with it very well and is always clearly unhappy that I have come on, but every now and then he completely loses it. He will either completely stop talking to me, or go crazy at me shouting at me that we don’t have sex enough. I’ve hit my limit with it now, he is making me miserable. I really want to keep our family unit together, but I don’t even see how that is possible when I am so down all the time I actually dread coming home.

I dont really know what I’m asking, I suppose, is this normal male behaviour? Should I just suck it up? Any constructive advice welcome.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 18/03/2019 23:20

This happens every time. Yes but he’s great at x y and z. That’s irrelevant though. He’s harassing you for sex. He’s awful.

MommytoA · 18/03/2019 23:22

I would not put up with this every month. Periods are bad enough but to have your DH shout and fall out with you because he can't have sex with you is ridiculous! I wouldn't want to have sex at all with the way he is towards you

SkinnyPete · 18/03/2019 23:24

Rightly or wrongly, your DH is feeling very insecure/unloved with the intimacy in your relationship.

Stuff like this is always a catch 22. He's acting like a needy shit, and what's there left to be attracted to? If the fairly significant gap in your libidos remains though, it's gonna be tough for you both. Make no mistake, he's currently much more unhappy about it - hence behaving like a dick.

GabsAlot · 18/03/2019 23:24

hes a wanker-if my dh asked i used to say not for now im on-and hed say fine

thats a normal response

Harumphharagh · 18/03/2019 23:25

What did he say when you said that to him?

Singlenotsingle · 18/03/2019 23:25

Selfish and sex obsessed. He'd get my knee where he doesn't want it.

TheHobbitMum · 18/03/2019 23:26

That is horrendous OP and certainly not normal behaviour! This is abusive and I'd be getting my ducks in a row to LTB. No wonder you dread going home, I think we all would under the same circumstances

If your relationship doesn't last its all on him.and his unreasonable demands, not you Flowers

pinkboa · 18/03/2019 23:27

I'd give him laxatives every month around the time of my period... he'd be too busy shitting himself to complain about sex!
We'd both be out of commission!

What an arse!

LarryGreysonsDoor · 18/03/2019 23:28

Not normal at all.
Does he think you have your period just to spite him?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 18/03/2019 23:30

SkinnyPete. Boo hoo my heart bleeds for him Hmm It's not mis matched libidos it's the fact that he's a bully that's affecting the OPs libido.

TooManyGlasses · 18/03/2019 23:31

Would he be open to marriage guidance on this? If you still love him and most other things are ok? Or is the issue too far gone?

Does he realise how insane he’s being? If he’s illogical and bad-tempered and controlling in this respect, is he similar when other issues come up, eg money, decisions regarding the children? Or have you (possibly subconsciously) learned to tiptoe round him when it comes to those things? He may not be, just trying to help you clarify things.

Good luck op, my husband has a bit of a temper but at least there are generally understandable reasons behind his grumpy outbursts. What your husband is doing doesn’t make any sense from any angle.

expat101 · 18/03/2019 23:31

By chance, he isn't one of those blokes who gets turned on by the sight of blood coming from their partner after sex is he? That just isn't normal!

musicposy · 18/03/2019 23:32

He does realise that any woman he ever chooses to be with will have a period, yes?
He's behaving like an arse.

Original poster
Moosmum1 · 18/03/2019 23:34

Harumphharagh he said he’s sorry, the same as he always says, that he was wrong. I told him that’s not enough anymore but he says he’ll change... I know he won’t. I want him to get it sorted, for us to be truly happy, but I wouldn’t even know where to start!

Even though we clearly have a difference in our libido, we can keep to a fairly regular once or twice a week without issue, but as soon as that drops for whatever reason the pressure starts, and then the period is enevitable and he flies off the handle. Sometimes I genuinely think he believes I can switch it on or off.

OP posts:
RhubarbTea · 18/03/2019 23:34

It's not normal, and it's also abusive. I think you're right to consider leaving him, I wouldn't put up with this. He sounds horrendous.

tildaMa · 18/03/2019 23:35

No, that's twattish behaviour. You're not obliged to provide him with a private sex on demand service just because you're married.

How did he cope with you being pregnant/postpartum?
Does he think shouting at you will make your period stop and count as foreplay?

notapizzaeater · 18/03/2019 23:36

He doesn't need to change as every month he just spouts the same apologies again and you accept it. You need to really take action and get it sorted

Ferrovairio · 18/03/2019 23:37

C’mon, don’t have a go at the op for listing his redeeming features! She was asked by pp if he had any.

Op, have you had a conversation about masturbation with him?

Unless he is already wanking a lot which could be fuelling his sex drive, it might be helpful to give him permission to have the odd wank. Some people think that just because you are in a relationship you can’t sort yourself out.
Which is very unhelpful in a context of mismatched libidos.

Original poster
Moosmum1 · 18/03/2019 23:38

He doesn’t have any weird turn ons with blood, I think I’m actually the first woman he has been with that has not liked (or allowed) sex during my period and that has something to do with it (he is older than me, and has had a number of sexual partners, so that surprises me, but it is what it is)

He does fly off the handle about silly little things unrelated to sex, he has a short temper, but isn’t aggressive, just shouts about it really

OP posts:
Haworthia · 18/03/2019 23:38

Time and time again I see threads on MN from women who’s partners sulk and get angry when they can’t stick their penis in them for whatever reason. It’s so depressing. Your story is worse than usual OP. He’s actually abusing you because he can’t use your body whenever he wants.

squeekums · 18/03/2019 23:38

Not normal to react like that

I hate sex while on my period, hell, hate being touched while on it but dp accepts it. He not a fan of sex at that time either
Echo what others are saying on abuse

Kaboodler · 18/03/2019 23:39

What a weirdo! Angry that your menstruation is interfering with his sex life.

Original poster
Moosmum1 · 18/03/2019 23:40

Ferrovairio he knows I have no issues with him masturbating, we actually have a very open sex life and can easily talk about anything when it comes to wants and needs etc, he would never think that he couldn’t or needed my permission to, it just doesn’t satisfy his needs the way sex does

OP posts:
Duster12 · 18/03/2019 23:41

He sounds like a buffoon. Just dump him 😂

Tunnockswafer · 18/03/2019 23:43

I’m pretty sure counselling is not advised with an abusive partner. He could have counselling on his own if he chooses to. It sounds unbearable to be honest.