My husband completely loses it when I have my period

[Moosmum1]

Me and my husband have been together for nearly 10 years, and up until 4 years ago I never had a period due to my contraceptive pill. 2 children later, hubby has had the snip, and I am no longer on the pill. Sex has always been a touchy subject for us as he feels that if we are not regularly having sex (2-3 times a week) then we have issues with our relationship. I’ve tried to explain to him that the more he pushes sex as a priority, the less I want it, and he needs to take the pressure off and let us enjoy our sex life as and when, rather then nagging and constantly commenting on his want for it or when we last did it.

The problem really hits when I have my period. I don’t like having sex when I’m on, it’s just not for me. He doesn’t cope with it very well and is always clearly unhappy that I have come on, but every now and then he completely loses it. He will either completely stop talking to me, or go crazy at me shouting at me that we don’t have sex enough. I’ve hit my limit with it now, he is making me miserable. I really want to keep our family unit together, but I don’t even see how that is possible when I am so down all the time I actually dread coming home.

I dont really know what I’m asking, I suppose, is this normal male behaviour? Should I just suck it up? Any constructive advice welcome.

I don't think OP's coming back.

She doesn't want to leave him, she just wants him to stop being a sex pest, so it must have been very hard to read all the responses she had, telling her that he's a rapist.

@Transpeaked awful, sad, and gut wrenchingly common.

I dread to think what would have happened if her OH saw what she'd written here and the replies.

Being shown a mirror with a very clear image back at you, is often too hard to open your eyes to look at properly.

Real shame, but very common. OP

She doesn't want to leave him, she just wants him to stop being a sex pest, so it must have been very hard to read all the responses she had, telling her that he's a rapist

Yes it must be very hard. But the thing is, MN is full of abused women posting to say that they love their partner and don’t want to leave , they just want someone to tell them how to stop the abuse.

And sadly that’s impossible. No one on MN has a magic wand. It’s hard enough to change YOURSELF, even when you really want to and have professional help.

No one can change someone else. Abusers don’t change because you talk to them and explain how you feel. They don’t care how you feel , they thing they are entitled to act the way they do.

All the OP can do is put up with it or leave. It won’t get better it will get worse.

My ex wanted sex all the time. He used to get in a mood when I had my period and call me broken.

He pestered me constantly, even when we had three children under five. I was absolutely knackered and breastfeeding but he used to pester me and if I said no he would wank next to me, in bed. He was a bad tempered git, with no respect for me. He thought his own sex drive was all that mattered.

He became an ex when I couldn't stand it anymore. I regret breaking up my family but I just couldn't go on.

I agree with everything you said, @IM0GEN. It's such a shame that some women refuse to see the reality, when shown it, because they want to believe things will get better, and don't want to break up the family.

It's also a shame that there are still women who don't understand abuse, and give abused women bad advice, telling them to talk to their partner, have joint counselling, or offer ways they can try to deal with the behaviour, like the pp on this thread who suggested doing it in the shower.

How are you doing OP?

You’re not supposed to have counselling with an abusive partner and he is abusing you. Can you understand that what he’s doing is abuse?

He either has to agree to get help with this or it's over - it is abusive. It doesn't matter how many other redeaming traits he has - or even the fact he is the father of your DP - it is still bang out of order and wierd. I don't think I would want to feel pressured into having sex 2-3 times a week every week either.. I think you would be happier out of this in the long run.

I want to just cry all evening reading OPs updates.

I've said so many times people can't see the wood for the trees when in a situation like this, you need to be out of it to really see what is happening.

This man doesn't have any redeeming features, he is a foul controlling, coercive rapist....end of.

He is not a good husband and father, he is a rapist. How would you feel about your daughter being treated like that OP, would you be happy for her? Would you feel it's her duty to pretend to have sex when she is in pain?

This man believes that wives lie down and do it when they are told. They have no choice.

What if you were diagnosed with cancer, had a terrible accident, needed an operation? Would you still be forced to have sex with this man?

This thread was posted over a year ago. Hopefully the OP found the courage to leave her abusive husband.

I've never had sex on my period. My husband doesnt ever push me for sex. It only happens when we both want it. If I turn him down, hes okay with it. Your husband sounds entitled to accessing your body. That's abusive behaviour. I would leave him for that reason.

.

Who has sex on their period .
I'm so sorry op.
No idea what to suggest

Hi All

I know this is years down the line, but I'm sat here thinking about everything and remembered posting this thread all those many many moons ago! So thought i'd share an update!

I'll be honest, this was all hard to read back then... but even harder to read now! I can't believe that I let myself be treated in such a despicable way, and worse after that!

But I am happy to say that I did finally find the courage to leave!!! I'm out, I'm free, and I've met the most amazing man who treats me with nothing but love, kindness and adoration!

I know most of you who commented (if not all) probably won't even see this update, but I hope that you know how supported I felt in that moment, I just wasn't strong enough to hear it back then! Now I look back through these comments and i feel completely validated! So thank you for that xxxx

He sounds nice 👌

Just saw your update so happy you left that horrible man.

Oh thank you for coming back and with such a great update.

I'm so glad you're out of that relationship.

🎉😎🏆

Oh what a wonderful update!

I’m so pleased for you. Wishing you every possible happiness x

You lovely person updating!!! Could not be happier. You've made my day.

So lovely to read your update - wishing you nothing but the best x

Not normal and very disrespectful and unpleasant.

ETA: sorry didn’t rtft before posting. So happy to see your update.

Twice a week is far, far too frequent. It sounds as if he is not being realistic.

Always love an update!

Well done on leaving op. Glad you're living your best life.

I am reading another post where a man is trying to have sex with his wife while she’s asleep. That post amd this one are probably the worst 2 I have read in mumsnet. Not talking to you while you are on your period? W the actual F? A lot of women don’t like sex when they are bleeding, have stomach cramps and generally feeling like shit! No thanks, feel awful as it is having a period without putting up with being guilted and punished for not being able to have sex.

My partner and I were meant to have a week of half term sex with my younger DC being away and my older one at uni. We had amazing sex once then I had a medical emergency and an op within a few days ( not brought on by the sex lil) I was lamenting our “perfect” week had been ruined and he was not fussed and said it didn’t matter as we still spent the whole week together anyway . My partner can be inpatient at life stuff but when I am sick he becomes super caring and cautious with me, on turbo making sure I have no pain. We haven’t had sex for nearly 2 weeks. I have just received non sexual cuddles and kisses. And I feel so much better and I am actually wanting to restart our intimate life on Saturday when there are no dc around. But it’s something I haven’t had to worry about and that’s how it should be!