My husband completely loses it when I have my period

[Moosmum1]

Me and my husband have been together for nearly 10 years, and up until 4 years ago I never had a period due to my contraceptive pill. 2 children later, hubby has had the snip, and I am no longer on the pill. Sex has always been a touchy subject for us as he feels that if we are not regularly having sex (2-3 times a week) then we have issues with our relationship. I’ve tried to explain to him that the more he pushes sex as a priority, the less I want it, and he needs to take the pressure off and let us enjoy our sex life as and when, rather then nagging and constantly commenting on his want for it or when we last did it.

The problem really hits when I have my period. I don’t like having sex when I’m on, it’s just not for me. He doesn’t cope with it very well and is always clearly unhappy that I have come on, but every now and then he completely loses it. He will either completely stop talking to me, or go crazy at me shouting at me that we don’t have sex enough. I’ve hit my limit with it now, he is making me miserable. I really want to keep our family unit together, but I don’t even see how that is possible when I am so down all the time I actually dread coming home.

I dont really know what I’m asking, I suppose, is this normal male behaviour? Should I just suck it up? Any constructive advice welcome.

He is literally treating you like a hole?! That's really bad. Get some couple counselling so that his behaviour can be highlighted and dealt with and maybe you can save your marriage.

You say you used to have a healthy sex drive, HE is destroying that for you.

reported bubba1234 if op doesn't want sex while on her period this is giving in to a bully and a form of assault with grudging consent.

He needs counselling. If he is unwilling to do that you really do need to leave. Do you want your children to think the way he treats you is acceptable? What if one of your children acted like that everytime a partner had her period?

There's always some saddo handmaid rape apologist, isn't there?

The question really shouldn't be 'how can we facilitate a man's right to sex at all time?'. Women are actually allowed to also have an opinion on whether they want sex. Revolutionary I know

There are men in the world who don't enjoy sex with unenthusiastic partners. I have one at home.

These replies must be a really tough read OP, and I hope you're OK.

It's fairly rare that all MNers unite and share the same opinion.

I'm shocked you ever want to have sex when you're essentially pressured into it to keep the peace. He doesn't sound like an amazing husband and father, in truth he sounds like a very self absorbed sex pest who think he owns your vagina and the right to use it when he likes. And you can talk/shout/plead until you are blue in the face. But you will never change him. Is this what you want the rest of your life to be?

If you went to a solicitor and told them you get shouted at for refusing sex during your period every month they would tell you it’s unreasonable behaviour ie.grounds for divorce.

Why have you put up with this for so long when he’s promised to change and hasn’t? You deserve so much better.

Poor you. Not normal. Mine lasts 10-12 days and H has never even moaned under his breath.

What on earth would he do if you had a longer term condition that meant you were not up for sex?

If he is forcing you, then even if you are married you could get him arrested for rape!

This horrible man-child really isn't worth hanging on to, is he? Please don't make excuses for him. Tell him you'd prefer to have a relationship with a grown man, not a sex-obsessed adolescent. Pack his bags. Now.

He sounds nasty and selfish. I can't stand people who should and have bad tempers. Aren't you nervous that your kids will grow up getting shouted at by him?

www.lawtonslaw.co.uk/resources/what-are-the-legal-penalties-for-marital-rape/

I think I’m actually the first woman he has been with that has not liked (or allowed) sex during my period and that has something to do with it (he is older than me, and has had a number of sexual partners, so that surprises me, but it is what it is)

Plenty of women don't care for whilst on. He was single when you met him for a reason. Your instinct, that you no longer want to be married to him, is correct. Your life will be infinitely better without this rapey bully in your life. See a solicitor. Unreasonable behaviour, he's abusive.

The sex you have 2-3 times a week, do you enjoy it? And I mean actually enjoy as in gain pleasure from the first suggestions of it? Or is it a duty that you might gain physical pleasure from once you 'get into it'?

The men on these threads, were they are sulking about, coercing or demanding sex persistently when they know their parents don't want sex are always 'amazing dads'. They very often seem to 'work hard'. What does that mean? They acknowledge their children and have a job? Whoop de woo. That's the utter basics of being a father. It's just about in the ok dad territory. So if you are calling him amazing for this then your overcompensating, probably to justify to yourself why you're with him.

It's really not normal behaviour OP. Honestly that's so many men out there who know this without being told, there is no need to remain with a man who doesn't. No matter how much of your life you've invested into him there's plenty left of your life to enjoy without this abuse.

You can try and work it out with him, but if you're at the point of seeking advice on MN I suspect you're at the point were you feeling nothing is changing.

Your husband is a sex pest. I'm surprised you'd ever want to have sex with him again. Nothing more off putting than someone pesting for sex and whingeing when they don't get it. What a vile man.

Adding my tuppence worth to the Chorus: No it's not normal.
The period is a red herring really -
You have every right to say NO to sex whenever you wish.
Otherwise ALL sex is not fully consensual.

It sounds as though he is aggressive in other ways too.
He needs to take responsibility for this by change via counselling.
Only you know whether the rest of his 'good points' are enough to wait whilst he sees if he can achieve this? Having also been brainwashed into accepting that a man who (reluctantly) 'helps' with his own kids / his own living environment is a 'good dad' I do wonder if there isn't a lot more wrong here. It's a long road, but worth taking.xxx

Would you be able to have sex in the shower at that time with the water running maybe.
It may feel a bit cleaner then
I've a terrible image of a poor stricken OP, reluctantly having sex with this volatile man, blood round her ankles. FGS! Please don't tell me this is remotely nice. It sounds dreadful!

"Would you be able to have sex in the shower at that time with the water running maybe. It may feel a bit cleaner then."

Do you really thing a bit of water will wash away the harm done by 'giving in' to coercive abuse, @Bubba1234.

Is that what you really think? OP does not want to have sex during her period.

Really @Bubba1234 ? You think OP should find a way of managing the abuse?

Why do so many women justify staying with an utter twat with 'he's an amazing Dad' - part of being an 'amazing dad' is treating the kids mother with respect and love and setting the precedent for the kids future relationships. Your DH is a dickhead at best, bordering abusive at worst

Jesus, just when you thought you'd read it all on here. What an odd ball.

This is no where near normal behaviour, it's bullying, abusive, selfish, immature, entitled, and just odd.

Take the emotion out of it. He's apologised, he's promised to change, but he's done that before. Sit him down and explain to him that you will no longer tolerate this behaviour. This is your body and you have rights and autonomy over it, and you will no longer be bullied and abused. And that if he tries it again, you will leave.

These sorts of threads make me so sad because they are so common. OP I have nothing helpful to add beyond the almost unanimous responses here. This really isn’t right and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.

Oh and hell has a special place for the few of you trying to justify and suggest helpful ways of placating an abusive man. Seriously, f you.

That's disgusting (your husband not your period). He doesn't give a shit about whether you want to have sex or not, whether you are comfortable during your period or I'm sure many other things. He is just pissed that his access to ejaculating has been limited. What an absolute tool. I'm not combative, and especially not with my husband, but if he treated me like a wank sock I would give him two choices; buck up your ideas or we're over. This is not ok.

This is awful, and it must be so hard for you to read these comments OP but all of these ladies are right, this is abuse.
I have had a number of gynae surgeries in the past 5 years, and am about to have another since having DD 14 months ago caused me more problems. Yep that’s right, 14 months with no sex, not 14 days, not 3-4 days, OVER A YEAR.
Does DH shout at me? Never. Not even once. We tried several times with different things that GPs recommended and if I said it hurt we stopped, and he has never asked or pestered to try again. He loves and supports me when I am in pain or am sad about it - that’s what DHs do!
Your husband is not normal. I’m sorry that you have to go through this but LTB before he stops asking and shouting and just takes what he wants.