Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Marlboroandmalbec34 that was brilliant 😂. Yes a bit tricky though - to be honest I would probably tell a little white lie and say you thought you were ready but not. I mean what are you going to say, sorry but you are just too short?? 😂

@Lovemusic33 well done you, and great message. Stay strong, you deserve more.

I've got date 2 with Mr Italian tonight - I'm excited!

@CocoKoko123 I love the way people leave this thread... it's such an inspiration for those of us who've been lurking for over a year. Ie me 🤣 Please only pop back to offer pearls of wisdom and encouragement aka @wishywashy6

Well it’s over, he came back with a message saying he can’t commit to a relationship and that he had explained that from the start (he hadn’t), he says he wants to carry on as we are. I’m not even going to reply to his message, it’s not worth it. I will have a day feeling sorry for myself and then get myself back out there.

leonasa that’s what I was thinking. I know we say honesty is the best policy but not if it would make him feel bad! I am only 9 months out of a long marriage and have 2 tiny children so I think saying I am not ready might be better

@Lovemusic33 well at least you know now where you stand. In all honesty, you really sound like you could do much better than someone who messes with your head so much.

@Peanuthedz was that sarcasm? 🤔 I couldn't tell! 😂
Either way, really happy for you @CocoKoko123 hope it continues!

love well done for sending the message. As upsetting as it is now, it's best for you in the long run

Sniffing... lol 

@Lovemusic33 at least you know now as hard as it is

Sorry @Lovemusic33 but you are 100 percent better off and it is his loss, what a twat. 

@CocoKoko123 great update - happy for you!

leonasa that’s what I was thinking. I know we say honesty is the best policy but not if it would make him feel bad! I am only 9 months out of a long marriage and have 2 tiny children so I think saying I am not ready might be better

livemusic you can do better!!!

Great update coco

Thank you everyone, I will be ok, been here so many times before.

Just went back in POF (unhidden my profile), same old faces, already had messages from old potential irons including Mr Tattoo who is quite fit but probably a complete ass hole as he has been on POF on and off for 3 years 🤣, already had my first “wow your fit” message. I will try and secure a date with someone to take my mind off Mr SA.

Haven't been able to read everything. This thread moves too fast!
But just wanted to say to Love you've done the right thing. Look after yourself. Maybe have a break from dating for a bit.

And Marlboroandmalbec34 shame he was too short. But at least it gave us the classic line about him sniffing you.

MrDrummer I'm around your age range if you want me to look at your profile.

Will catch up with everyone else later

marlboro defo little white lie vote here. It'll do him no good to say too short because not much he can do about it.

love good decision and glad you're back on the apps. Kinda galling that he tried to angle it like hed been saying no relationship all along if he hadn't. Bell end. Sure makes you think though, clarity upfront isn't romantic but it saves a lot of wasted time!

Tonight I'm out with girls for dinner and tomorrow date with mr old iron. I do like him a lot and he says the same....the o my thing that stops me throwing my feelings behind it more is he's 40 something and never had ltr or lived with anyone. He's already said he never wants to. I don't either but thats because I've done it on and off my whole adult life....whats everyone's thoughts on this? Like, in my head theres a suspicion he may be a commitment phobe of some sort but I certainly don't want to write this off.

Morning All

Batshit - Sorry to hear about the ghosting.
Marlb - I thought, great, a fellow sniffer, I'm not weird after all, pmsl!!
Agree, use the 'not over ex but had a great time' - lettting him down gently but boosting his ego.
Koko - Great news!!
leonasa - Good luck for tonight! Update awaited.
Shitwith - I thought you'd made contact with him already via OLD?
Love - It's what we expected he'd say. I'm so sorry tho. Best thing to get back at it to get over him.

So, MrBE msg and asked what I wanted to do Fri. I said we need to talk. He replied yes and then what he'd like to do to me in bed. So, I simply sent a very long msg with everything I wanted to say to him.
Basically I'm not prepared to be exclusive unless he's earned it or deserves it. Lol. Feeling a bit mercenary after MrWow. Who, by the way, contacted me and suggested going out Sat!!! Think I'll sit on that one before I reply. I've still got his socks but have resisted a sniff!

supercali - Depends what you want? Do you want something long term? He may have just not met 'the one'. If you're happy not wanting to live together etc then you may just be his ideal girl!

MrBE replied - I agree. So, blood out of a stone I asked what do you agree on, lol. He said he still wants to take me and my son on holiday in Aug, he doesn't just want sex, he wants days out, picnics, boat trips etc etc. So I said great, see you Friday!

tooold good turn out on that text....so I take it that's a no for mr wow on Sat then? Yep i like monogomy and commitment but like...a lot of us it seems?...i am done living with someone and compromising all the time. You might be right he just hasn't found someone who thinks the same way.

peanut I promise I will only comment on thread with constructive advice - can’t say I have any pearls of wisdom-I have been through some horrendous experiences with men and my heart has taken a battering over the years. The only thing I would say is that it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack - there are just so many flakey,emotionally immature,idiots out there-finding a decent partner is difficult, let alone a partner who is right for you. What other posters have helped me with is not overlooking red flags because the sex is good,or you like their family or whatever other reason that has made me hang around the wrong men in the past. Know what you want - set standards,assert your boundaries and don’t settle for any less.
Sorry love about Mr SA’s response but to echo others he clearly wasn’t giving you what you needed and at least you know where you stand. I have always been one to say get over one iron by getting under another one but that’s probably not the best advice!
shit hopefully you’ll bump in to iron at shop.
too glad to hear Mr BE is saying good things - just remember actions speak louder than words and, if it were me, I would wait a while until he has proven himself more before involving your child in the relationship.
leonasa good luck for date with Mr Italian tonight
super maybe he’s just not met the right person yet and that could be you so I would give him a chance.
Good luck to all others - couldn’t keep up with it all as thread moves so fast x

@CocoKoko123 That's such a lovely update, keeping everything crossed for you.

@Lovemusic33 I'm glad you got an answer finally, even if it's not what you wanted to hear. I agree with the moving on quickly. Moping about, lamenting and generally brooding on the situation never works for me - I spiral into a Facebook/Instagram/Strava stalking moron, when I know they're not even giving me a second though.

I've been sacked off by MrEngineer this morning after one coffee date and a couple of phone calls - he's not in the right place for a relationship and apologised for messing me about. Fair enough, although we all know that's code for "I've got another iron I'm more interested in" .

So not to be put off, and taking my own advice, I've rekindled a chat with a guy I'd call MrBanker, who lives about 1hr 20 minutes away, but frequently works in my city - bugger it, at this stage all I want is a nice dinner out and a cheeky snog/sniff.

@richdeniro (or any other blokes on the thread) - If you're about, would you mind having a look at my profile/pics - I really feel like I could do with some objective male advice - any of the male friends I ask do the usual "You're lovely, there's nothing wrong with you, the guys you meet are just idiots". They may just be being kind...

Sorry to hear how it panned out love but you can do better than him and will

JeSuis I'm around. feel free to pm me. Not sure I'll be able to help, but will do what I can...

My last favourite bloke was really hairy. Like fucking a gorilla but I used to absolutely love sniffing him and would spend ages sniffing and nuzzling his chest and delightful slightly flabby tummy.
Still yearn for that body which was "just right".

I'm feeling such a heavy energy around all this OLD/Apps/malarkey. Wish I could just leave it all alone but hooked sadly. It really is a trial so much of the time.