Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

ccgirr once its run its course I'll see what's suitable for public disclosure

I wondered if I could have a bit of advice/some perspective please.

You'll probably not remember me, but I was on the dating thread about two-ish threads ago. I'd been on PoF and all the others, but happened to meet someone who I really clicked with, who I called Mr Teacher. We met just over five weeks ago, and things went from 0-60 in a really short space of time. We got on amazingly, sex was incredible, and I really thought I had met someone special. We talked and/or messaged every day, saw each other when we could (we both have kids) and things were looking really positive.

However, we spent the weekend together this weekend (Saturday night, all day Sunday and Sunday night), and since then things have gone a bit quiet on his side, and I can't work out why. We had a lovely evening on Saturday, just chilling and watching TV (and lots of sex), had a great day out on Sunday, and then he spent the night at mine on Sunday, with lovely morning sex before work on Monday morning.

However, he has been very quiet with messages since, and I'm not sure what to do or think. Is this a normal thing? I kind of feel like I'm being ignored a bit, although there was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong over the weekend.

Just for clarity, this is after weeks of really frequent contact at predictable times of the day.

Feeling a bit shit about it, to be honest.

sheep perhaps he’s been busy with work or kids or something? Have you spoken to him at all? Have you attempted to contact him?

Hi thesheep I remember your posts.

I don't think anyone can really tell you what's going on in his head other than him! Is he busy at work? Or maybe he just thinks as you've had such a lot of time together over the weekend that you need a little space?? It's really difficult to say as only you know what's 'normal' for you.
I've been with my bf for 8 months and nothing has changed from our regular level of contact from the outset really. If I felt he was being quiet with me I'd have no issues asking him if everything was ok, do you feel can you ask him?

Yeah, I might do. He's actually just this minute messaged me, and it seems more 'normal' for us conversation than it did yesterday. I had wondered if we'd gone a bit too quickly. We went from a couple of dates to staying over and weekends together. I wonder if it's all a bit too much too soon or something.

He might just have wanted a bit of space. I do that sometimes. Glad he’s back and seeming more normal x

thesheep hey! I remember you. Well....my iron and I have had lulls. I suspect it's all part of....seeing someone new. In the beginning it's all exciting and texting all the time and then it's a bit more like....how they would normally text. When mine went a bit quiet I pulled back a bit.....i dunno if that was useful or not but it's still running. Are you guys exclusive? He's not still dating others or on apps? Honestly online datings a flipping minefield

I went with the message and told him that I need to set some clear boundaries/limits at least in the short term, and that they are NOT negotiable in any way unless I bring it up. If that's not ok then fine but it ends here.

He's read but not responded yet!

We talked about being exclusive early on and decided that we didn't want to date anyone else. I'm almost positive that he isn't, and I did have a peek at PoF earlier (the only app he's used as far as I know) and he's not been on for more than 30 days.

He's sent a few messages just now, but the tone of them isn't quite the same as they were before. I think I'm going to just get on with my evening/next few days and see what happens. I think I just feel disappointed, because we were getting on so well, and I could see a future with him.

I wouldn't worry too much @TheSheepHaveEyes, if it's gone quite fast he may just need a little bit of time to digest. A lot of dating gurus suggest that it's quite normal for a man to pull back a little bit at this stage for that reason, kind of to let things sink in. As SuperCali said, if anything best to probably just pull back ever so slightly or at least don't lean in in panic, and things will more than likely regain their equilibrium.

Hi again TheSheep glad things seem to be working out for you. It sounds like a blip rather than a big change. I'm rubbish at texting and often don't reply or keep in touch well

At the risk of filling the thread with Mr S postings... he responded to my message and has agreed the boundaries, so we are ok for now. I am very conscious that it is very early in dating to be feeling pressured/anxious and generally not great! But he does make me feel good and never uneasy when I am with him so I will go forward carefully.

@TheSheepHaveEyes I would step back a little, he may well just be processing everything and I wouldn't be concerned at this point.

Hi, may I join? I was directed here by a female friend, whom was regular from a while back... she said I may be able to get some honest feedback on my PoF profile. Please and thank-you, in advance :D

Warning! If you are on POF and use the meet me function... I clicked on a pic that looked too good to be true... and got an immediate match and then I was locked out of my account. I knew it was dodgy from the off but stupidly still clicked like.
I have asked irons I was talking to, and my account is gone.
The profile follows a typical hackers/scammers nomenclature of a first name followed by four numbers eg David4080.
I don't know if it's put malware in my laptop- if anyone does know about this, I'd be really grateful.
I've lost all my irons

@shitwithsugaron Thank-you. I am 48 and looking 5 or so years either way of my own.

Well, I asked if something was wrong, and he thought I was being a bit funny with him, so just shows how easy it is to misunderstand meaning over messages. He's invited me over to stay at his on Sunday night, so I feel a bit better :)

Awww that’s good sheep

The other thing that concerns me is that my 18 year old DD still lives with me. My DD's mum took her own life 4 years ago, which has left my DD with many mental health issues(Two OD's in the last 6 months). Without much of a support network, it means I am potentially a bit flaky (although I have never had to cancel a date because of it). It's something that has cropped up in conversion, on every first date and I am sure it is scaring ladies off. Any thoughts on whether I should keep this to myself, or be upfront about it.

mrdrummer I’m mid 40s and happy to have a look.

My DD has MH issues too. I sometimes mention she’s a bit tricky on a first date but dont go into any detail.