Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I wouldn’t expect a man to completely disappear when they have their kids but would expect them to message less. When the kids are in bed I think they should be ok to message if they like you

Morning all. Just caught up from the weekend..

I'm supposed to be meeting Mrs LongBlondeHair tonight, but during our "where and when" chats, (I'm traveling @150 miles round trip to see her in her village!) she initially led me to believe there may be more than just a date (things like "let's find somewhere private after the meal" etc), but then when I suggested tongue in cheek that we get a take-away, she said that she "doesn't do dating at her house", and that "her daughter is staying over"!!! Really not sure what's going on! I suggested we have a chat to discuss later...

Have a date with Mrs Yogi (still not a bear! ) on Wednesday. Thinking we might need a "intentions" chat sooner rather than later..

Well done all those that have had a date / dtd this weekend. Go you!

From a male perspective, it's liberating to "see" so many sexually aware women! I just need to find a couple

Man it sounds to me like Mrs Long's heart would love to get down and DTD with you but her head is saying 'hold up' a bit. That's pretty understandable in my book but it's you who is doing the 150 mile round trip so obviously it would be nice to have some clarity. Hopefully a chat will clear things up without pouring cold water on the possibilities.

Cassettes I actually think she wants to put off DTD until some undetermined point in the future.

I suspect she has been hurt badly before, so is being (understandably) cautious. It's such a shame, because I'm pretty sure the physical attraction for us both is / was huge

We definitely need to discuss the situation, and I really hope it won't ruin things...

@Man4allseasons I must admit I am getting quite fatalistic about being worried about discussing things and it consequently ruining things. If it gets ruined, then it wasn't right in the first place. Having gone through counselling to understand various relationship anxieties I have/had, one thing that came out of it is that I have ignored flags that suggest someone is unsuitable, and I think me having to do 150 mile roundtrips without the other person having to make the effort would be one of them.

mmm well said MrDrummer

All thanks for your input. In fairness, it was my suggestion that I go to her. I'm not worried about the travel, as I travel a lot for business, so travelling for a date isn't the issue. After all, If things go / went well, I could travel back in the morning .

It's the confused messages I have an issue with.

150 mile round trip sounds like a lot off effort for a date. Perhaps that’s just me being cynical and very picky

Sorry x posts there

@Man4allseasons perhaps she felt like she'd essentially promised sex, through what she had said, and is rolling back so she's not committed to doing it when she hasn't met you yet?

I'm sure a good chat will sort it out and if it doesn't then as MrDrummer said it's not right. But she may just need to feel like it's not set in stone when it's still possible you might not have chemistry in person.

@Man4allseasons I am not really thinking of whether you mind or not, I am justing thinking from an investment point of view. If you are doing all the running, then your investment is higher than hers and I think a mismatched investment is disaster waiting to happen. Just my opinion. I am no expert!

Leonasa That's my read on the situation.

Mr Drummer, I agree, but I volunteered, and I'm a man of my word, so it's down to me.

@Man4allseasons Understood and I am not suggesting that you back-out. :)

Maybe you said this already and I missed it, but if DTD didn't happen, would you be (a) disappointed (b) consider it a wasted journey? Or is it just the uncertainty that is the problem? You could take the option off the table in your own mind... then none of the above would come into play.

MrDrummer
I like this woman, and would be happy if it's just a meal. I think it was the change from DTD being (in my view) on the table to no possibility at all that frustrates...

I'm resigned to DTD happening, and just having a nice meal in some nice company.

Dilemma over, she has just cancelled tonight

She says she is having eye issues (which she has mentioned, and showed me before, so I believe her. We will be talking tonight though..

Another evening alone...

Hey All,

Is this a friendzoning from a date:

^I really enjoyed tonight too... I don’t know if I felt any sexual chemistry/a spark between us, but felt we got on well...
I don’t want to lead you on in anyway, as much as I would love to see them play, I don’t want to give the impression my feelings may change, so completely understand in your rather take someone else x^

Going out again on Saturday to watch a football game but I'm guessing nothing will come of it now. I know I wasn't on top form on the date itself - very nervous, had a bit of a cold, wasn't in the greatest of locations seating wise and just didn't feel myself.

rich it does sound like it to me

Man that sucks

rich sounds like you have been placed in the friend zone I’m afraid. Might be salvageable if there’s a date #2 although watching football screams let’s just be friends tbh

I need the people of the thread to calm me the fuck down!! Am ridiculously excited about Mr Hot as Bloody Fuck this evening. And I'm also feeling unworthy and like I'm not 'enough'. Gah!!! He's just texted the room number - it's definitely game on ...

I did think as much, I guess I won't go into it with any expectation and just enjoy it for what it is - it's Palace v Huddersfield. We arranged the game whilst on the date itself as she's local and has never been to a game before, by chance I have a spare ticket as my mate who I usually go with can't make it this Saturday. She sent me the text afterwards when she got home.

She has been messaging me a fair bit since Friday night but just general 'how has your day been' and telling me what she's been up to type stuff.

I don't think I could be just friends so will see how Saturday goes and then tell her that if nothing changes her mind.

@richdeniro

If you are going as friends, then make sure she pays for her ticket if she wasn't already!

@Man4allseasons Sorry to hear that. Perhaps consider it a reset... i.e. if you re-arrange, then assume everything that was said about the cancelled date is null and void.

bats deep cleansing breaths...