Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@TooOldForThis67 I'd be pissed. But then I hate lies.

@supercali77 have you told him you've taken your profile down?
I tried to not let the whole 'last online' thing bother me. I knew I was only going on there to be nosey once I'd started seeing him but I guess I'd have felt a bit of a mug if I'd just gone and deleted my profile while he was still on there.
I like to approach things head on so I said something along the lines of 'if we are exclusive do you feel ok deleting our profiles now? Completely understand if you'd rather keep your options open but I'll need to do the same. I just want to make sure we're on the same page'
His immediate reply was 'no please let's get rid of them' and so we did it together. I think it was a big relief for both of us but it just needed one of us to say it first and it appears I have bigger balls than him

I don't think he's a player either. He's just not in any way suitable to start a relationship with. The dog house message just makes it worse.

If the small talk hasn't moved on to become an interesting conversation within a reasonable timeframe I don't bother meeting or continuing to message. I don't do good small talk IRL either.

@TooOldForThis67 bin.

I've done this when I can't find a decent iron, you go back to someone it didn't work out with as you forget the reason why it ended. And then quickly remember!

And re last online. I couldn't deal with that at all. Mr Unsuitable is going away next week and I'm going to struggle not to check his distance. But if I was going away I would totally have a swipe just to see what the local population is like with no intention of meeting. In fact I always do when I go away... it's interesting.

On apps and 'exclusivity'... With MrSG, he just said (fairly early on) that he'd like to think of me as his girlfriend and that he was going to delete tinder because he didn't feel he needed it any longer. I agreed and we both went for the delete.

I guess that was an 'exclusivity' chat of sorts. Or not really - more a 'yes this is properly A Thing' chat. I don't think there was any danger of multi-dating from either of us anyway. There definitely wasn't after we'd actually met.

I would imagine that seeing someone had been on a dating app after an exclusivity chat would be very difficult. It's really a mixed messages thing (and that stuff makes you feel like you're crazy).

You guys are making me over think about the last online thing! 🙈. Didn't even realise the distance thing on Tinder until now 😂.

@Peanuthedz what do you class as a reasonable amount of time? Glad it's not just me that struggles with the small talk.

Oh shit sorry @ItsAMiracle2015 ! I think I picked that up from on here. We're supposed to support each other not make each other paranoid!

My profile is hidden and I have no active chats but I do open the app to look at his photos and stuff. I'm not deleting it altogether after 3 weeks. I may be overinvested and we may have agreed we're not sleeping with others but I'm not that daft.

@Peanuthedz I went away for a few days just after meeting MrSG for the first time. I didn't want to check tinder in the city I was in (although the friend I was visiting) had been showing me how odd the goods were there anyway, because she was trying to OLD too. Maybe I'd have been more curious if she hadn't shown me (it was a city full of the fashionably polyamorous and vegan it appears, whereas mine was all gym selfies and tattoos.)

Just catching up briefly...

@shitwithsugaron your carrot comeback made laugh out loud - brilliant

I do open the app to look at his photos and stuff

I took screenshots of MrSG's photos so I didn't have to go on tinder to see them. How silly is that?

@ItsAMiracle2015 I'd say if we're still on, "how's your day?" and "how old are your children?" after about 20 messages then I'm out. If we're not laughing or discussing something interesting. I guess I mean after a live chat of a decent span, say an hour or so.

The distance thing on tinder is a real headfuck. When I was down at my mum's I checked tinder out of sheer boredom....if I'd been seeing anyone they'd have thought I was cruising.

wishywashy no I haven't told him I've taken the profile down. I kind of assumed by saying I wasn't interested in seeing others he'd know this? Maybe I needed to be more specific.

@Crustaceans I can't take screen shots as my kids might see them! I have done in the past and they're all, ewww who's THAT? Clearly beardy middle aged men don't appeal to them 😁

And yes it's that nosiness exactly. It's interesting seeing the different types of people. ESP in different countries. And what the equivalent of men with fish are in Spain or NYC.

That's really helpful thank you. It would appear I should be out of maybe 9 'chats' I'm in 😂. I think you can be exclusive and still be online. I mean there can be various reasons to be online. Doesn't mean he's meeting anyone else or shagging anyone else 🤷. But then maybe I'm naive...

Yeah I noticed that I was chatting to a guy last night who lives 7 miles from me. Just seen it says 16 miles now which means he's seen my last message and not replied. Haha. Great 👍🙈😂

Eurgh I hate the distance thing on tinder. I work in miles not km. easier if it would just say what town you were in or something.

Such a dilemma since Mr Hol is being left for now, I went back on OLD, an seen an old "friend" we swiped and got talking, I met him yesterday for a quick drink. Last time we went out it was ok (2 years ago) but after a date he just ghosted me.

Well now he's all over me, texting and wants to take me out tonight and stay at his. (He lives a bit away) but so many red flags I see with him now already. He loves himself, talking last night about going away. Telling me I should be chasing him, how I've got loads of people chasing me (all tongue n cheek) but I don't like it. I don't want to have sex with him tonight. But I'm feeling pressured to go as he's texting and other than the tongue n cheek things being sweet.

I just don't know what to say about not going? Tbh I don't want to push him away completely. He could come in handy at a later date. But for now, I'm not wanting to go

Ideas?

@lifegoes not sure I can help on that one was your whole post screamed 'run away' to me 🤷.

peanut I put my screenshots in a secure folder on my phone so the kids don't stumble across across anything 😉

Can you see online status on tinder or bumble? I thought it was just the location.

I have to agree, it's a headfuck seeing they have moved around. Apparently bumble and tinder now only update the location if the actual app has been opened.

Miracle 😂😂😂 I feel I need to run away. But I just don't know what to say to him, without being an utter dick to him.

Peanut if you have an iPhone you can select the pictures, go to export them and then click on hide. It moves them to a hidden folder

He could come in handy at a later date.

What for? It sounds like running away is the best thing to do here.