Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I'm beginning to think it should be us putting NO DRAMA on our profiles. Followed by
Flakes
Ghosters
Serially confused
Sex pests
Gym freaks
Etc.

What a shock, flaky recurrent iron has flaked on my only child free night of the week. I need to stop giving him the option it's pissing me off.

Yes user, I was chatting to an iron a while ago and confessed that my ideal scenario would be three different guys. See one a week on week 1, next week 2 then week 3. Week 4 would be clear.
Naturally they would all look like bad boys but be reliable and consistent. Adore me and only me and also all of them would be brilliant lovers.
He seemed very surprised! 😏😅

Damn those flakes Waris so bloody annoying. I find so much time and energy wasted building up a "connection" then I'm twiddling my thumbs most weekends as it all turns into a flaky pile of mush.

@Azzizam we've seen each other on and off for a while. I keep saying no more because he's so flaky. Then we meet up again.

I'm chatting to a new iron MrFar. He was visiting locally when we matched but lives too far away to be a realistic option. He is exactly my type and funny. Always the way.

Waris yes I have one of those of my own. The mental turmoil it causes is unbelievable! Definitely at the end of the journey when you find yourself bored with it all and can't even be bothered to work out the reasons for Flake Syndrome!

Ok. Advice. You might remember, I chatted to Mr old iron About only seeing one another on Sunday morning. He agreed. Was round there last night and he's booked a table for us on Saturday. Out of curiosity I went online on my freinds account and saw he was recently active. A few times Since the chat and today. So. This stinks to me. I don't mind if someone decides they want open options but they have got to say it and give me the opportunity to say no or yes. It's wasting my time since I haven't been doing that. How do I handle this? I don't want to ask him to take down his profile...i don't see the point. Any grown adult understands that if you're not seeing other fish you don't need to go fishing. I feel I should end it but not sure what to say. Help!

Two choices. Tell him exactly how you feel on seeing he was still fishing and see what he says.
Or tell him you're really not feeling it and it's time for you to move on. Bye Mr Flake.

azzizam and shitwith well, I asked him directly when we were talking about contraception....do you want to keep this open/see other people or not? And he said he didn't and I said ok me either. I feel like that was pretty direct and obvious. I don't know id feel comfortable bringing up the fact that I went and checked if this was the case for a start. I mean....my gut was telling me something was not legit despite all his actions/words . So It feels like it's just a break it off scenario. I just don't know how to do it.

And that way you leave him with the uncertainty of why instead of you. I'm all about controlled revenge these days. I've been so understanding and kind and now I'm saying exactly what I feel. Not cool at all. Sorry you are dealing with this though.
Years ago this came up with an ex. Saw he'd been online while we were dating and went fucking insane at him. Follow your instinct.

supercali77 How do you know he wasn't on there spying to see if you'd been online recently?! This whole being online thing is a paranoid persons nightmare as if you just saw a profile with no last seen you'd be eagerly anticipating the date on Saturday.

I think you need to ask him about it, it could be some innocent answer, just because he was on there doesn't mean he's open to dating other women but at least give him a chance to explain before telling him where to go. If he's good enough to date exclusively, he's worth a few messages to check out his motives.

auba He's on tinder, and match. I'm not on match it's not where we met so I doubt he'd be going on to check me on there. So I've already exhausted the logical good reasons for it. I knew he was on there because my freind Was and told me. I agree azzizam. Uncertainty is frankly all someone deserves if you give them a really open goal for saying their intentions and then they just fudge it. shitwith I kinda agree but at the same time......this is useful as I know he can't be trusted. Even when I went out with someone for a while that I wasn't sure had a future in it....we talked about not seeing other people and that was that. I never checked online and hid my profile....so I don't see why anyone should be doing it when they're also suggesting holidays in the future. I hate being misled

So, continuing on from my wait . MrBE msg to say an old mate had turned up and he couldn't get rid of him. I said can I meet your mate? He then said 'He's not into 3somes, lol'. I replied 'I didn't mean that'. I then told him I'll take the dog for a walk and wander down. He said 'Come on over, another mate has turned up now'. So, I got there. He was on the jetty and his mate was sitting inside the cabin, basically blocking entry. MrBE had a fresh cup of coffee. He introduced me to his mate, asked how I was and then they basically carried on their conversation. The other 'old' mate wasn't there and when I asked he said 'oh he left'. He was in scruffy work clothes and didn't even offer me a cup of coffee.
So, basically he's a liar. There was no 'old mate'. He was obviously working on his boat and didn't want me there. He looked uncomfortable. Why? I don't know.
I don't get why he didn't just say, I've changed my mind instead of making up stuff. Why waste my time?! I was there about 20mins. I just walked off and said 'I'll leave you to it'.

@supercali77 I'd ask him to take down the profile if he's serious about not seeing other people.
Me and my bf had said we weren't seeing anyone else/ chatting with anyone else but until we had the official 'we are an actual thing' chat we both kept profiles up and both went on for an occasional nosey. Once we'd had a proper chat I asked if we could both remove profiles so we did it together. I think it was a case of he didn't want to delete his until he knew I'd done mine and vice versa situation.
I'd just ask him and then you'll have your answer one way or another

Urgh, I hate the whole "last online thing". I'm a chronic overthinker and always imagine the worst, but try and push it to the back of my mind/stick my head in the sand otherwise I'd go crazy. No one owes you anything until you both agree exclusivity, but it still doesn't sit well with me when I see irons online, but I'm online as well so 🤷‍♀️.

Things progressing nicely with MrBanker. He's driving an hour to meet me tomorrow night in my home town and has forewarned me that he is booking a hotel, but I shouldn't read anything into this, it's purely because he wants to have a couple of drinks and enjoy the evening. He wanted to tell me now and not tomorrow night in case I thought his intentions were less than honourable. Sweet. I want him even more now 😉

wishywashy That gives me pause for thought. Hmmm. I'll have a think about it. It doesn't sit so well with me. Maybe because I'm not it feels unbalanced.

He might also have been online to close off any open conversations with other potential irons, I guess. The alternative would be ghosting really.

Good comeback @shitwithsugaron. I'm really hoping he comes back with a 'yes' and it turns out he's got a carrot fetish.

There is no way it's possible to fancy a man who tells you he's looking for cuggles @putastrawunderbaby. Eurgh.

I found the small talk chat difficult. I don't think I was generally great at it. It's hard to think of what to say to a stranger when you're trying to work out if you would potentially like them and if it's worth meeting. Also, so many men seem to expect you to make all the effort. Personally, I saw that as a dreadful sign that I'd just always be making all the effort in everything though. I was probably right about that.

Except with MrSG. He was really easy to chat to and it never felt like an effort at all. Well, beyond the initial awkwardness. It was the same when we first met (but with more hormones involved - and 'sniffing', of course).

Are people getting many matches on Bumble at the mo?

My setting are 30miles

44-55yrs old

I'm 46

I'm getting zipadeedoodah 😳

And I swipe right quite a bit 🤨

You definitely deserve better than MrBE @TooOldForThis67. What an arsehole.

Mr Banker sounds lovely @JeSuisPrest. Let's hope his intentions are not that honourable.

Crustceans - He sent a msg just now saying 'Am I in the dog house?x'
I replied, 'No, it's a non starter'. I think he's a really shit communicator, not necessarily a player but it's just not good enough!