Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks auba14 he asked me if I was speaking to others and I had said no, as I just couldn't hold that many conversations at once. He said it was refreshing to hear that, as he was the same.

But my gut says he's talking to others. So I've wished him a lovely weekend, not caused a fuss and deleted his number.

I've not followed any rules, first person since my ex I felt a connection with. But it's all fabricated via text. I should know this.

The attention was nice and now it's gone

lifegoes We're not all like that, honest!

lifegoes You should be proud of yourself you've had the presence of mind to a) realise and b) take yourself out of the situation immediately.

I bet you that there are many more lovely men on the apps, get back on them when you're ready. But console yourself with the fact none of this was real, you hadn't met the guy and it was all messages - we can all be the person our egos want us to be via message but until you've met them and have that connection it's not real.

There will be someone out there for you, don't give yourself a hard time over it, we are all guilty of overinvesting! Plus if he's online all of the time he is definitely talking to someone...

I know @Man4allseasons 😘

Thank you for your lovely words @Auba14 I don't deserve to be an option. So I'll remove myself from it and find someone who wants me for me

lifegoes sorry to hear that you are feeling low. It is horrible when you build up expectations and it all falls flat. Sadly I think that OLD is often like this.

Well I just met Mr Builder for coffee and I am rather confused. He has a bit of a belly and normally I am very particular about men I date being lean and fit looking, but there is something about him that I find very attractive. He is a bit of a cheeky chappy and I really enjoyed spending time with him. He is totally not my type so I have no idea what is going on! We don't even have the same political views, which is normally a red flag for me. I think I will go on a proper date with him and see how it goes.

@lifegoes I cant recall - have you actually met up with this iron, or has it all been online so far?

@LilyRose88 Def have another date with MrBuilder, it sounds intriguing.

I've got a date arranged with MrBanker on Saturday night. Things have got a little bit flirty and I think the clean cut, suit wearing, nice home counties boy might have a bit of a naughty side ... have him washed and brought to my room 😳

Je Suis it is so weird that he is giving me fizzy knickers as he is totally not my usual type. When I first saw him I though 'oh shit' but I decided to sit down and have coffee with him and I really enjoyed his company. I did wonder whether he just reminded me a bit of the guy that dumped me after 3 months recently as he was a bathroom fitter and a bit rough around the edges. My ex was in really good shape though (although he was crap in bed! )

I am normally really fussy about a guy's body and would never normally consider a guy with a belly, but he has a certain charm …...

@LilyRose88 go for it, some of my happiest couple friends look a bit mismatched but are really happy.

Lilyrose88 I've had a similar experience recently, didn't initially find him that attractive, definitely not my usual type but the connection was immediate and once I kissed him I was hooked.Always good to keep an open mind, and give people a chance.

Also want to second the ‘stepping outside of physical type’ box sometimes. If I start to really like someone’s personality then the physical attraction will grow for me.

@JeSuisPrest all online, we got chatting ages ago and I drifted off. He then contacted me asking if i had ghosted anyone.

It's just the way his messages have been, whilst he's been away that caught me in I guess. Always showing me what he's doing, chatting all the time, him always contacting me. Telling me how he can't wait until he gets back, huge mistake going on holiday at this time. Etc it feels so right blah blah

He still texts every day telling me what he's doing, but something has changed for me. It doesn't feel the same with him.

He's now all "well time will tell, let's see what happens" etc

@lifegoes he hasn't met you, so naturally if he met someone in real life, they would take precedent. I think wait and see when he comes back, if you really want then meet him

@lifegoes If it were me, I'd sack him off and find yourself some new irons - and try and meet them quickly!!! Trust your gut instinct - none of it is real until you meet face to face and the over investment and romantic connotations we attach to these faceless men is ridiculous- I've been very guilty of doing it in my early days of OLD - it's exhausting and upsetting trying to second guess things, constantly checking your phone etc., then they just disappear.
Some men just seem to live the ego boost of chatting knowing they're controlling things. 🤷‍♀️ Have either of you suggested a meet up yet?

@JeSuisPrest Mr Banker sounds like me and therefore I feel obliged to vouch for him. If he said "it's a bugger to get off and then takes the plaster off with it, best to leave it I say, it's the only thing holding up my bedroom celing" and then followed that up with furious blushing, he's not a player

I've had loads of insightful feedback on my profile. Thank you to everyone ! I will collate and summarise for the thread's delight later.

My Mr Local on initial photo was so not my type and I was nervous to meet him as I was worried I wouldn't find him attractive but he gives me the tingles even talking about him I get them haha

@Eesha yeah I agree he's away so anyone he meets over there isn't going to last when he gets back

@JeSuisPrest Yes he has a few times. A few before he went away but I couldn't. Then he asked before he went away if I would be ok waiting until he's back and then we'd go out. He's still said it a few times but no date confirmed. He's away for another week yet.

But I've put myself back on the dating apps and I'm revenge swiping.

I agree, with the ego boost side of it. It feels now as that's what it was. I've noticed he's been on the dating app whilst over there as his location is now showing as that. There's my answer then 😂😂

Well if location has changed, just get swiping!

Yes he was hairy, yes he had a slightly wobbly tummy, yes I loved sniffing him and nuzzling the chest and tummy but please "Furry dad bod" sounds so unsexy and this man was bringing sexy back!!
Furry Dad Bod indeed. For me it summons up images of Danny De Vito though I do appreciate some may find him very sexy! 😉☺

Sorry Life goes it's all so fucking disappointing isn't it? Mind you time or meeting them has nothing to do with the slow fade, ghosting and disappearing act.
It can happen at any stage.

It's just infuriating @Azzizam if he hadn't made such a big deal about keeping in touch and waiting for him to get back. I wouldn't be bothered. Telling me that if had met someone he would tell me. Just makes me so angry I want to tell him but I just keep telling myself it's not worth it.

I'd rather walk away and have NC

Muh lifegoes that's really shite 😥. I find it difficult to talk to more than 1 iron at a time and then because of it find it way easier to get overinvested. I get it.

I'm still chatting to MrD but I'm still unsure (and cynical). No arrangement to meet as yet as he's got some personal stuff going on. Was supposed to speak on the phone last night but he forgot and then today but he's messaged to say he's in the hospital with a family member. Thinking maybe he just wants to be penpals 🤷. I'm still feeling a bit blah about OLD at the minute so I'm not overly fussed...

Lifegoes be prepared for the prime asshole to get back in touch though. Do not block!! Ignoring is such sweet revenge. 😈

Miracle I'm exactly the same, I just can't switch. I've tried before and I just end up focusing on one.

MrD sounds a bit off putting, if he can't make an effort there's just no point.

Azzizam I really hope he does get in touch but only so I can ignore him. He's had his chance, technically second. He's being "treated" to a night away apparently, whilst he's away. Yep I see treated as meaning one thing.

Life goes I'm waiting for the chance to ignore too. 😉

Azzizam 😂 how long you been waiting