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Original poster

Probably the wrong place to post. My fiancé admitted that he had a lap dance last month. I’m gutted.

481 replies

currantbeings · 13/03/2019 11:12

I don’t know whether this is the right place to post.

Myself and OH have been together for 8 years. I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with DD2.

He went on his friend’s stag do last month, they went to Prague. I’m not naive, I know they weren’t going to look at the architecture and had gotten my head around the fact that they’d be going to strip clubs etc.

I didn’t want to be ‘that’ girlfriend who comes across as jealous and possessive but I told him that I completely and utterly draw the line at private lap dances. Having a naked woman grind herself across his privates with her boobs in his face is crossing a line in my eyes. It tells me that he has the desire to cheat.

It wasn’t like the Spanish Inquisition when he got back. I was happy to see him and asked him if he’d had a good time. I got short and snappy one or two word replies. He never really elaborated much.

He was driving last night and a text came through on his phone from the groom. I asked him if he wanted me to read it and he slammed all on and shouted ‘no!’

I caught a glimpse of the messages and one from OH read ‘I was so hard after that dance, I had to find a toilet to relieve myself.’

I was very upset initially. He tried to deny it and then said that his friend had paid for it for him and he felt as though he had to go through with it, oh must’ve been such a chore having a beautiful, slim, young girl bouncing on your boner!! Fully nude too apparently!

I feel so vulnerable, down and depressed about it all. I know in the scheme of things it’s probably not that bad but I made my feelings clear before he went. I’ve been on a lot of hen parties and never had the urge to have some stranger rub himself against me.

I feel like I’ve lost all respect for OH’s friends too. I don’t want to go to their fucking wedding next month and to be honest I want to call our wedding off. That’s how upset I am about it all!

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 13/03/2019 20:13

He had to relieve himself in a public toilet....hmm classyConfused

As for trying to touch her bits.. Just...Fucking...Wow 😵

What a repulsive specimen 🤢

Ozziewozzie · 13/03/2019 20:13

Op, please be wary. If he's told you he tried touching her, the chances are, he's offering part truth to hide further facts. It's a classic, 'I'm actually being upfront and honest for brownie points.' When in actual fact he's neglecting to disclose further, possibly more sinister truths.

How would he feel if one of his daughters was the lap dancer?Then the guy went off for a wank after trying to touch her lady parts?
It's really sad that he has done this to you. It's also sad for his children. For the sake of one night, he's lost so much.
Op, I know you feel floored right now, but you are going to be ok. You'll be better than ok. Your baby could be a little girl. You're already setting your child an excellent example. X

Aragog · 13/03/2019 20:13

strip clubs are often the only place they can all get in, loads of clubs & bars won't allow entry to big groups of men.

So they do what many many other people, male and female, who don't go to strip clubs.

Split up, go in in pairs or smaller groups, don't go around screaming and shouting and being hairy. Seems to work well for many other people. There's always ways round those rules without having to go to a strip club.

AssassinatedBeauty · 13/03/2019 20:14

Of course men can leave these clubs and go back to their accommodation. They're not being held against their will.

It's not about "keeping him on a tight lead". Men aren't poorly trained dogs. They are adult humans and should be able to understand the boundaries in a relationship and respect them. And of course, for me and others on this thread, they should be able to understand what the issue is with strip clubs and the like.

Moralitym1n1 · 13/03/2019 20:16

Op this is so shit esp given you're pregnant, sorry.

Wonder if part of if was he thought you're 'trapped' now and he can get away with it.

McHelenz · 13/03/2019 20:17

@mrjolly I mean isn't doable that there isn't an old man pub near by for him to run off to.

Moralitym1n1 · 13/03/2019 20:18

@Aragog

Exactly.

There's always an excuse, "only place you can get a drink after *am" is another bullshit favourite.

Popskipiekin · 13/03/2019 20:18

Ok. I was about to wade in and comment to attempt to diffuse this and offer a different perspective but that last bit about trying to touch the dancer “down below” 🤢 awful. And why is it coming out in dribs and drabs? You very likely aren’t getting remotely the full story. I’m so sorry OP. I think you’re being exceptionally strong and strong-minded. Keep at it. He doesn’t deserve you so keep it that way. Your daughters will thank you. Flowers

McHelenz · 13/03/2019 20:20

I understand that people dont like them. But I just dont like that because some of us dont mind it (in my case, on the very minimal occasions its been an issue), It becomes an assumption that we are allowing ourselves to be walked all over.

I have agreed though in this situation, with what the OP's husband has done, he is completely out of order.

slipperywhensparticus · 13/03/2019 20:23

It was a boundary you set it he crossed it that raises some serious questions about the relationship in my eyes

would he like it if you did this with another man?

poppingoff · 13/03/2019 20:24

And if she'd let him touch her, what next? He has not one ounce of self restraint, the pathetic loser.

Hersheys · 13/03/2019 20:26

You have every right to be mad, especially as you specific said you wouldn't be happy even before he went but to say 'it's the end' I think is hormones speaking. As a pp said, on things such as stag do's there's a lot of peer pressure. I would be best pleased if my DH had a lap dance but it's not the end of the world

coral13 · 13/03/2019 20:27

@Drogosnextwife
No of course not... Why would an ex stripper know what goes on behind the scenes...

Moralitym1n1 · 13/03/2019 20:27

Of course if it was turned around, and op's partner was reading she Andheri mate's conversation about being was so wet after that up close and personal 'dance' with the male stripper and how she thought she'd have to run into the ladies for a wank or back to the hotel for a session with her vibrator (or whatever) and, when challenged she said "I could've been doing a lot worse, like touching his cock" ... Their partners would be totally ok with it.

What do ever women think we should let men away with ...

The pregnancy excuse was despicable as well, imagine if he was I'll/injured/suffering ed and she said "well you haven't been laying the pipe so I was frustrated, of course I wanted to see his swinging dong" ...

Pearlsandgems · 13/03/2019 20:28

I wouldn't stand for any of that either. Even before the touching part. I am lucky that my guy is really not into things like that. That's not to rub in. If I ever found out he had done what your husband to be had done, I would also kick him to the curb. I couldn't tolerate it. Especially not pregnant. Thinking of you op. You are worth so much more than this. Flowers

elizalovelace · 13/03/2019 20:30

What a sleaze he is. Be a good role model for your DDs do not except this behaviour from a partner. No woman should have to have to put up with this from their man. Be strong for your girls and get rid of that poor excuse of a man.

Lantern92 · 13/03/2019 20:30

I'd be gone OP after your latest update... Good luck

Moralitym1n1 · 13/03/2019 20:30

@Hersheys

We that's you and your standards.

Would you be best pleased if you saw hi discussing how hard it made him and his close he was to having to masturbate in a (enclosed) public place because of it?

AssassinatedBeauty · 13/03/2019 20:30

The "peer pressure" is not a helpful excuse, it adds to the failings if that's the case. Going along with something you know is wrong because your mates are encouraging you makes it worse, not better!

Sarcelle · 13/03/2019 20:30

You have every right to be upset. He is a vile pig. Not all men behave like this but yours did. So many levels of wrong.

TrySinging · 13/03/2019 20:31

*I also know that from communicating, that he fucking hates these clubs, and usually will wander off to an old man pub for a pint. But sometimes, that isn't doable.

Some of the replies to people who dont see this terrible are shit. Not all men are fucking pigs.*

If he 'fucking hated them', he wouldn't go. I fucking hate football, so I don't go to games. It's easy! And no, not all men are pigs, but the ones who pay for lap dances sure as shit are.

StealthPolarBear · 13/03/2019 20:31

This just gets worse op. The nerve of his, agreeing to your boundaries and then doing what the hell he wanted anyway.

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 20:31

@coral13

Ah I understand now, you worked in every strip club in Europe, the UK and any other country yes?
I doubt that, and just because you worked in one as a stripper does not mean you know exactly how the places are run, or anything else that the bosses of the clubs are involved with.
Obviously you are the voice for strippers and sex workers everywhere though...

Moralitym1n1 · 13/03/2019 20:31

*how close

Of would that not be something to end s relationship over either?

What about him telling you get tried to touch her intimately but she unfortunately wouldn't let him; would that not be a deal breaker either?

Hersheys · 13/03/2019 20:33

And I certainly wouldn't be shit stirring and telling the bride!!