Probably the wrong place to post. My fiancé admitted that he had a lap dance last month. I’m gutted.

[currantbeings]

I don’t know whether this is the right place to post.

Myself and OH have been together for 8 years. I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with DD2.

He went on his friend’s stag do last month, they went to Prague. I’m not naive, I know they weren’t going to look at the architecture and had gotten my head around the fact that they’d be going to strip clubs etc.

I didn’t want to be ‘that’ girlfriend who comes across as jealous and possessive but I told him that I completely and utterly draw the line at private lap dances. Having a naked woman grind herself across his privates with her boobs in his face is crossing a line in my eyes. It tells me that he has the desire to cheat.

It wasn’t like the Spanish Inquisition when he got back. I was happy to see him and asked him if he’d had a good time. I got short and snappy one or two word replies. He never really elaborated much.

He was driving last night and a text came through on his phone from the groom. I asked him if he wanted me to read it and he slammed all on and shouted ‘no!’

I caught a glimpse of the messages and one from OH read ‘I was so hard after that dance, I had to find a toilet to relieve myself.’

I was very upset initially. He tried to deny it and then said that his friend had paid for it for him and he felt as though he had to go through with it, oh must’ve been such a chore having a beautiful, slim, young girl bouncing on your boner!! Fully nude too apparently!

I feel so vulnerable, down and depressed about it all. I know in the scheme of things it’s probably not that bad but I made my feelings clear before he went. I’ve been on a lot of hen parties and never had the urge to have some stranger rub himself against me.

I feel like I’ve lost all respect for OH’s friends too. I don’t want to go to their fucking wedding next month and to be honest I want to call our wedding off. That’s how upset I am about it all!

Shit stirring ffs🤦‍♀️

What if the bride asked?

Drogosnextwife

Exactly - these threads always bring up the 'well I was in/worked in a strip club in blah blah and they definitely weren't allowed to touch so . "

Means nothing.

I've seen punter reviews of strip clubs in Liverpool recommending the 'lesbian' double dance (not even private, just in a booth on the main floor) because the girls "definitely got a few licks on target" during it (referring to simulated cunnylingus whike fully nude) but don't worry nothing untoward ever happens inside UK strip clubs, nor any swapping of numbers for stuff outside.

As for Eastern Europe BV and some brits abroad holiday destinations ...

My husband did this exact thing to me ! He paid for two dances and somehow it was my fault because I had said I had been to a lap dancing club ! He said he didn’t want to have the dances ! I still hate him for it now

And I certainly wouldn't be shit stirring and telling the bride!!

Holy fking shit ...

@Drogosnextwife yeah Drog shit stirring is exactly what she'd be doing. Have some self respect

I am a man though my name is not Arnold. I totally resent this attitude that some women have that if a man goes away on his own or his mates for a stag do or indeed any do, there is a possibility that he will engage in dubious practices such as enjoying lapdancers,associating with other women or hiring prostitutes. You cannot police someone elses movements all the time. A man can get a lap dance/prostitutes/talk to women at any time and he doesnt have to go to prague to do it. And so can women by the way.

OP, my exH and I used to frequent strip clubs together or with friends. Nothing to do with why he is an ex.

You nailed it. It's about what boundaries and your H have-every couple's different.

He crossed yours. Now, you have to decide if you are going to move on with him or move on without him.

@Arnoldthecat not sure what your point is?

Won't the other bride ask why the OP isn't going any more and why they are no longer together? Should the OP have to lie, if asked?

I wouldn't go out of my way to tell the other bride, unless she was an actual friend of mine - and then it would be because I care for them and wouldn't want to be hiding things from them.
If asked by the other bride to be however I wouldn't lie about it. I wouldn't be saying what her fiancé was doing, only what mine had done and that was why my relationship had broken up.

@Drogosnextwife yeah Drog shit stirring is exactly what she'd be doing. Have some self respect

Perhaps the poor bride would like to have the chance of having some self respect, instead of people hiding what her disgusting pervert of a future husband has done behind her back. You should have some decency.

What I think about lap dancing isn't the point.

The OP made her views clear before the trip, he was fully aware that having the 'dance' would upset his partner.

What happens in other relationships is irrelevant.

As other have said I wouldn't go out of my way to tell the bride but I sure as hell wouldn't lie if asked.

Wow, can't believe he admitted to trying to touch her! What a dick!

Have you thrown him out yet?

OP, I'm so sorry that this has happened. I too consider private lap dances as cheating, and am dead against strip clubs as a source of entertainment. Blokes do try to pressure other blokes in to it but that doesn't mean you give in to that pressure. Tbh they are a total deal breaker for me.

After your last update I really feel awful for you and just hope you are ok.

I lived with two strippers several years ago and they were happy, not coerced, enjoyed the job and made good money. Their bodies, their choice. They were in control at the club, not the guys.

However, you have your boundaries OP and your partner knew, so you have a right to be upset.

Arnold the cat thanks for your opinion unfortunately it's her that counts her boundaries not yours

I've been in these clubs myself and don't be fooled in to thinking it's close to cheating, there's strict regulations on touching girls etc, they're just girls out there trying to make a living. It's also very much a boys will be boys and getting caught up in the moment etc, yes they're grown men and can say no but men & women behave differently in these situations and I know my husband has been on stag dos where some of the "lads lads" will pay for the "quite/whipped" one in the group to get a dance.

Maybe in the clubs you were in, but it's either naive or hugely misleading to represent that as fact.

I know of a few clubs in the UK which allow touching and don't stick to regulations, let alone abroad. You cannot speak for everywhere.

Maybe this was a very classy place that would have chucked him out if he'd tried, but from the update it sounds like it was not; as a bouncer would have meant she didn't need to stop him touching her. It is irrelevant though, unless an OP names an exact club, it's unhelpful to suggest touching isn't possible.

Perhaps the poor bride would like to have the chance of having some self respect, instead of people hiding what her disgusting pervert of a future husband has done behind her back. You should have some decency.

Hand clap.

Some people have a strange interpretation of self-respect.

I haven’t told the bride about any of what I’ve found out FWIW.

He’s just told me he tried to touch her ‘down there’ but she wouldn’t let him

Wow... no words.

@pallisers

As I said, I think OP has every right to be upset because her partner lied to her. My response was more to the general outrage over the lap dance as an immediate dealbreaker, while in the past weeks I've seen so many threads from pregnant women whose husbands are behaving like children and not pulling their weight around the house - and then people come with suggestions for couple's counselling or think it's natural that a man cannot understand she's struggling... while for me, that would be far, far worse than a lapdance. That to me is letting a man walk all over you and inexcusable in any situation. Having a lapdance - well, that all depends on individual boundaries.

Lying is never good, though, and he knowingly crossed OP's boundaries, so I completely understand why she's upset.

@JFDIJFDIJFDI

Not quite sure girls in the Czech Republic have exactly the same financial, social etc. opportunities and privileges.

But never mind, they're only dirt poor foreigners and our men have a right to entertain themselves with them on stag dos and lads holidays.

I don't see any harm in telling the bride what happened with OPs douchebag partner

I imagine the bride has her own suspicions regarding her htb and may welcome any information

I’d want to know if I was her.

So sorry OP. I'd feel the same in your shoes. Total deal breaker for me and my DH would be gone if he had done the same. He's been to clubs, with his mates when he was younger and openly admits it but has never had private dances he says he doesn't really get the point of it all.

How fucking dare he try to blame you, what a fucking cheap and nasty low blow from him - then again he had some naked lady gyrating on his cock, who he tried to touch then had to go wank himself in a toilet, so what else can be expected really. He is vile!

I also would tell the bride if she asks again - maybe it won't be a deal breaker to her and if not no harm done but maybe it is. I'd like someone to tell me in her shoes 100%
I'd let her know that I wouldn't be attending and if she asks then let her know. It's not your dirty little secret OP - you've done nothing wrong here.
Hope you're okay