Leaving dh - anyone else in this boat and want to support each other?

[Misty9]

I'm splitting up with my husband of 8 years, we've got 2 dc under 8. It's all very amicable and we will co parent moving forwards, but I thought it might be nice to share the journey with anyone doing similar?

I'm feeling so odd at the moment as I keep looking around the house and seeing things which will be gone/change (we're selling it eventually). I feel like I'm in a chaotic place - which I could stop, but it wouldn't be the right decision. If that makes any sense?!

Dh is autistic and his main reaction is annoyance that he has failed at something as he likes to be good at everything!

Anyone want to give each other virtual support?

@ZenaThor it takes courage to leave a marriage so well done for your bravery. It's also a big deal to reach out for support if you don't normally but this will prove invaluable to you over the coming weeks as Misty is right, it gets tough!

@Misty9 I took myself off to Barcelona a few weeks ago and it was a mixed experience for me too. Seeing lots of couples or families together enjoying themselves can be hard and made me quite sad at first. Second day in was much better so I hope you start to take something positive from it. Well done for going!

I've had a difficult couple of weeks since we told our children. My 17 year old is struggling to make sense of it and keeps crying or having bouts of anger. I know this is normal but it's very difficult as I feel I've caused all this, being the one asking for the separation. I move out in two weeks time and have had to start buying furniture and stuff from my flat. This has inevitably led to tensions with DH as we organise finances and we had an almighty row on Friday evening which brought up all the feelings of powerlessness and control that I've struggled with in this marriage. We ended up apologising to each other but it's weirdly helped me move on as I was feeling conflicted and had times of thinking I should give him another chance. I am finally at a place now where I know that leaving this marriage is the right thing for me to do. Just got to get through the next two weeks!

How are you all doing?

I sent my divorce petition off to my solicitor on Friday. I haven’t told H yet.

But I’m sure I’m doing the right thing even if it’s a bit up and down in my head! X

I feel broken and I don't know how to put myself back together again. No one else can do it and I can't expect them to anyway. I just want to hibernate for 6 months and hope it would feel better by then.

Misty that sounds rough and I fully expect that good days will be well balanced with days feeling like you do- chin up and chat here as much as you need to

It’s such early days I feel a little like I’m out of my body or something -like I’m distant from it all iykwim. DS1 is struggling big time and he is breaking my heart begging us to give it another chance and asking whats going to happen at Christmas etc
It’s so hard for him but I just know I’m making the right decision - he’s only 11 so it’s impossible for him to understand fully. So I’m taking all 3 children out for tea and to just have a nice afternoon together where can talk or forget about it -whatever they want.
We are another week nearer to the happiness we wanted by making this decision - that’s my mantra from now on 😫

Hi all hope you are all ok. Jamkan29 I absolutely get where you're coming from, my dh has been trying to be Mr Perfect since I told him, almost a stepford wife! It's hard but I'm trying to keep focused, he was in tears last night and I hate hurting him but I do feel I'm doing the right thing. Can't every see him actually leaving the house though :( sending love to you all, it's so difficult x

Oh @Misty9 I'm sorry to hear you feel broken :( Tbh I kinda feel the same today. I want to say I admire you greatly. You have great strength but I know how hard it is to stay sane in this situation we all find ourselves in. How the hell do we know if what we are doing is right?

Cconfirmation of divorce came through yesterday.

text exchange

Me: I'm very sad tonight and probably drinking more beer than I should
Him: Oh oh. In other news, I'd like to go with my friends to a beerfest on saturday

He claims to still love me. And denies until the cows come home that he might be autistic.

Hi everyone, I'm moving out in 9 days and also am really struggling. DH has now seemingly got a whole new life of his own with new friends and hobbies already and I should feel glad shouldn't I? Instead I'm thinking, three weeks ago he was broken and would have done anything to save the marriage and now he's moved on already. The kids seem to be gravitating towards him and I feel like I've been eradicated already. Sick of the "am I doing the right thing?" going round in my head. And the crying, fed up of the crying. I've got so much to do.....

Oh @Jamkan29 I can really empathise. It's so hard being the one who moves out and the kids will naturally gravitate to what they feel familiar with. I know exactly what you mean about feeling eradicated but rest assured that they do need you - you're their mum and that wouldn't ever change. What are the plans for sharing care straight away? and yes, the crying gets exhausting.

How is everyone doing? I'm thinking of those who are in the horrible stage of about to leave or leaving

Things here have definitely turned a corner and I've felt positive all week now I had a tough solo trip away which brought me to the brink- but I survived and it helped me to process some stuff I think. I had to see H at the kids sports day yesterday which felt weird, but it's definitely getting easier all round. Ds is his usual challenging self and regularly drives me to the edge, but that's not going to change; I have had more capacity to cope with it lately though.

I've dipped my toe in dating but I'm not ready and have concluded that I can't do the physical without the emotional connection. So no no strings fun sadly but I'm hoping I'll meet someone else when the time is right.

This thread has been invaluable and thank you to everyone who carried me along and supported me through the many tough times. It helped to know that you were thinking of me I'm sure tough days will still crop up, but onwards and upwards for now!

Oh @Misty9, you are a total inspiration!! Hearing that you may have turned a corner is wonderful! Yes there's likely to be bad days occasionally but I reckon you're over the worst now. I'm so happy for you!!

I'm moving out tomorrow and after a couple of difficult weeks I'm starting to feel ok about it. Actually, not ok, strong! It's helped that soon to be ex H is being an arse about things and it's making me feel more determined that I made the right decision. My kids seem to be ok and although I'm expecting fall out I'm hoping I will be able to manage this. So, onwards and upwards, no turning back!

Great to hear so much positivity! I'm still temporarily separated from DP and I'm feeling pretty good with things. Wondering what my next step is, but I don't feel half as panicked or anxious as I did before. So that's got to be a good thing right?

Hi all - how is everyone getting on?

As I predicted, my high didn't last long...but I've moved on in the grief cycle I think and am now sad and accepting. The summer holidays starting has thrown things up in the air a bit as it highlights just how different things are now. We're forced to spend more time in the house that still doesn't feel like home, we'd normally be going abroad and having short breaks - and I'm going to a caravan park with the kids for a long weekend - and I feel very alone being a single parent with no one to pick up the slack. But also a fraud as I've only got them half the time I've also taken on too much work wise so am heading for a crash again...

But, the kids are definitely adjusting, my two lives are feeling a bit more integrated, I'm still enjoying my new found freedom and socialising, and things are civil with my ex.

So, mixed as always with me!

How's everyone else doing though?