Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

“Sex is not a commodity that women give up to men, it's something they seek out and enjoy.“

But this thread is not about sex. It’s about porn.

@BertrandRussell

I care about all women. Why wouldn't I?

My point is that just pretending porn doesn't exist or shouldn't exist doesn't solve anything. It does exist. There is a market for it. There always will be. Because people find it exciting. And there are huge - huge - amounts of pornographic images and videos out there made by consenting adults who are well paid. There is tons and tons of amateur porn out there. It's all over instagram. It's even on Facebook. Those women have nothing to be ashamed about and they're not all mentally ill. It's weird that people need to automatically think that.

Indeed crowdo

Making and sharing sexual images, by women, is very common. And enjoyable. And not a sign of a deficit of either morals or self esteem.

And which amateur porn videos are not revenge porn?

I've read threads on here where wives have found out their husbands have uploaded pics and videos.

“Those women have nothing to be ashamed about and they're not all mentally ill. It's weird that people need to automatically think that.”
People don’t think that.

And you obviously don’t care about all women.

Oh come off it. Every piece of amateur porn is actually revenge porn? Nonsense.

The 'happy hooker' trope.

We consent, we enjoy it, everyone else can fuck off.

Crowdo. How can you tell which women in porn are freely and enthusiastically consenting and which aren’t?

I watch porn, not habitually but I do like to now and again. There are far better sites than porn hub though! It’s easy to imagine him coming home from work and catching me at it. He’d probably take advantage of the situation if he saw me midst excitement with the toys out though lol.

My husband masturbates, not very often, but porn isn’t his thing at all. He doesn’t need it to sort himself out.

We both talk about it.

If either of us felt the need to lie about it I’d find that weird and I’d be upset if he was telling me one thing but doing another. We joke about it all the time.

We have a great sex life.

Each to their own but I think it depends how often he’s doing it, how it’s making you feel, if it’s a substitute for a great sex life, and I don’t understand why he would lie about it.
For example I’d be mad if my hubby was masturbating to porn but then telling me he was too tired for sex or the performance was lacklustre.

It seems you’re unhappy for more reasons than just that though!!!

Well, yeah. If people consent and you don't like it, you really can just keep your beak out.

I'm not aware i said 'every'

I said 'and which amateur videos are not revenge porn'?

The inference being, that you can't tell.

Crowdo-how can you tell which women are giving free and enthusiastic consent and which aren’t?

You can tell which is not revenge porn. You can go on someone's instagram page and then link to their private paid service, for example.

@BertrandRussell

We already went through this yesterday.

So there are no prostitutes/pimps on instragram?

A quick google tells me there is.......

A quick Google? And you think that makes you an expert?

You can't tell. EVER.

Even those that say they love it, admit when they leave that they say that......because.....they HAVE to.

I admit there are some that consent, love it, feel 'empowered'.

You need to admit, that there is abuse, rape etc and you don't care. Own it.

“BertrandRussell

We already went through this yesterday.”

Did we? What I remember from yesterday was you saying that it didn’t matter about women being exploited because people like to wank. Which was grim but honest. But then today you say you care about all women. Which means you must care about the women exploited in the porn industry. Which is why I asked how you can tell which women are freely and ebthusiastically consenting and which aren’t. A question to which you are avoiding giving a straight answer.

Not an expert. But not gullible and naive that no instragram page is controlled by prostitutes or porn producers.

You're mid 30s ffs!!

*Pimps not prostitutes

I think that all women deserve love and respect regardless of their sexual choices. I can even have sex with a woman and respect her afterwards. And I expect the same from any partner. I expect the same of all men who are watching porn.

Of course there is a moral issue, but there are many moral issues in the modern world. It doesn't mean that abstinence is the answer.

Money talks. That's the answer.

We could try bringing males up to see females as fully functioning human beings with feelings, rather than wank fodder......but it appears we can't even teach some women that.......

I refuse to acknowledge this moral issue....because there are many moral issues.....

Clear reasoning, well rationalised.

Yep. You can’t tell the difference. But you love and respect the women who are being raped for your pleasure.

Incidentally- if you think the consequence of not using porn is abstinence then may I suggest some sort of therapy?

Except that's not what I said. I'm saying you're a hypocrite. You engage in behaviour every day that is exploitative of other human beings or that is contributing to unpleasant and immoral industries. But you like this particular issue because it's related to sex and because you personally relate sex with shame.