Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

Oh, crowdo, you are sweet.

I don’t like porn because huge amounts of it is filmed abuse and it is very difficult to tell what is what is not the same as I don’t like sex/ don’t like women’s bodies/ don’t respect women’s sexuality or autonomy. But you must know that. Creating a straw man argument that it’s repressed prudes vs liberated sex pots plays into the hands of the people who benefit most from porn - men.

Literally no one on earth needs to watch people being filmed or photographed having sex and that material is mixed in with people being raped. They might like it and enjoy it, but they don’t need it. It’s such a silly argument. What did everyone do prior to the 2000s? Waste away in a sea of prudery and unexpelled sperm cos free porn wasn’t available online 24/7?

Why would sex be shameful?

Why would you assume we find sex shameful?

That's an awful big leap to not wanting women raped, coercived or treated like sex objects.

Yuck! The women here saying porn is okay. The women here also saying they are happy their men masturbate to some other naked woman on a screen. Yuck.
Not everyone likes or looks at porn. Your views in the world are pretty narrow if you think that “everyone” does.. And just because porn is available doesn’t mean it’s okay. I fear the day these same women start saying their men are watching porn with underaged kids and it is okay - that porn is out there btw and with people saying “everyone watches (general) porn” it won’t take much to persuade you lot that “everyone watches” it with the underaged ones. So sad.
Try and see what porn really is. It’s not just a tool to help you masturbate. Wake up and smell the coffee. These are real people being filmed and often with disturbing backgrounds. Wake up. You’re deceived because it’s not womens rights to be abused, oh sorry I mean, film porn with men. Actually yes it’s abuse. You masterbate to abuse, or you let your partners do so. As I first said, yuck!!

Cognitive disdonance again.

Dissonance*

It's just your attitude. I don't see you leaving your partner for drinking coffee from Starbucks. I don't see you beating yourself with sticks because your tshirt was manufactured by children in poverty. It's the sexual element that has got you riled up. It's in your interests to control the sexual availability of other females to your partner. Coffee and tshirts don't stir you the same.

You can't ban something because some parts of it are bad. If you are saying that some women are being exploited, you're also saying that some women are NOT being exploited. So there is a perfectly healthy market out there which some people like to enjoy in their spare time. I personally don't shame those people.

Neither myself or my DH frequent starbucks. We don't like coffee or drink that much tea. Or have money to do so.
I have bloody loads of clothes, all from the charity shop. I luffs the charity shop. All my dc's clothes are also charity shop. I then either give it to friends or send it back to charity shops. We haven't been on a plane for our summer hols since 2012. I bought a water filter and stopped buying water bottles, I've switched from hand wash bottles back to soap, I recycle or charity shop everything possible. I watch up cycle programes for ideas. Even my jewellery is charity shop.

Don't presume you know stuff. It is quite easy to care about more than one thing at a time. Or care more about one thing than another.
Trying to deflect aren't you? Still not ready to own it, are you?

What absolute stupidity and nonsense. We only care about this issue because it involves what my 11 year old calls S.E.X. ?
How about we care about this issue because it is affecting the lives of all women, women who are coerced in pornography and women who don’t use it. We care about this issue because we have daughters who will be dating boys watching stuff that was an extreme niche when I was a teenager, but is now normalised. We care about this because many of us will have sons who we want to grow up understanding intimacy, respect, love, care. We care about this because it harms women.
That does not mean that we don’t care about any other issue, that is a diversionary tactic, and the response of a child. Grow up. Look at this industry you are shoring up, at the women it spits out. Look at the life expectancy of women in porn ffs.
Show me a prostitute who had a happy, loving home life growing up, with supportive parents, and no experience of abuse, who has been well educated and can earn her living in another way, and I will show you a unicorn.

And on top of all that, you don't like porn? Surprising

My engagement ring and wedding ring are bespoke, using an old diamond necklace my husband bought me more than 10 years ago and the gold came from DM and DGM's wedding rings.
So didnt contribute anymore to the diamond trade either. See how it's done?
Empathy and knowledge and then you try your best...

I do actually know sex workers in real life who would be furious with your suggestion that they're being abused. They even go out and demonstrate publicly and to read poetry they've written condemning attitudes that simplify and infantilise them. But I'm sure you know more about their lives from Google than they do about their own.

No. I like sex.

It's a bit like trying to convince a foodie that they aren't really one because the don't like a doner khebab from a takeaway.

Logical fallacy again.

If you don’t shame people why are you wittering on about coffee and clothes? You are aware judgements around exploitation and abuse can be made you just don’t want it done about something you like. You’d think in these enlightened times, a new industry built on the back of extreme violence and exploitation of its ‘workforce’ couldn’t happen, but here we are.

Again. Not listening. I have admitted there are some who are fine. I'm quite furious with them though.
It's pretty despicable that they try to promote their industry as (insert whatever they see it as) when I've seen 8 year olds be sold/used as prostiutes to feed the family.

They can get to fuck with their 'poetry'.

You're conflating not listening with not agreeing with you.

“I do actually know sex workers in real life who would be furious with your suggestion that they're being abused.“

I don’t think they would be, actually. I think they would be pleased that there are people who are aware of the grim lives some of their peers live.

@BertrandRussell

No, I've just told you they would be furious. They write poetry specifically about their anger on the subject. I literally know these people.

No. No I'm not.

You said you know prostitutes who would be furious that I'd said they were abused. I have admitted more than once that I agree that some are not abused.

You however, have yet to admit that you do not care if women are abused. As long as there is wank material in the world.....

When they read this poetry, are they stood on the abused prostitutes backs?

Poetry. Lord above. I’ve heard it all now.

That's right, yeah. They write poetry. Some people really do feel that passionately about their own sexual autonomy.

Yeah......some real trail blazers there.

Pornhub has on average 92 million visitors per day.. just saying.

Don't throw away a marriage over porn. If you tell someone not to watch porn, you are effectively telling them what to do/controlling them. I think that's worse than watching porn.

No one is disputing that some women choose to work in the sex industry, quite clearly some do. But there are so many that are either coerced or have no choice. And a man going online to wank at porn is hardly going to be bothered whether the women he's watching are willing or not, is he?