Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

4

Sassandfaff1- Winner of the thread.

But I don't expect it will make the slightest difference to the pro porners here, it suits them to pretend this isn't how women are treated in porn, even mainstream. Once they are enjoying what they are watching and get to orgasm who cares right?

On the porn issue more generally, it does nithing for me as a woman the acting is often laughable too. But trafficking is prevailant in nail bars, car washes and other areas in life. It doesn’t mean this covers everyone working in these fields.

There are also big name, highly paid porn stars out there. There are also couples who make and post their own porn for fun.

I have been in friendships with partners who have used porn. It has not bothered me.

If it was having a detriment on my own sex life, my home relationship and other things that were damaging to a happy house that would be another matter.

StarlightLady Can you not read? Those Are the big highly paid pornstars telling how it is in the screen shots Sassandfaff1 provided.

The naivety in incredible🙄

It’s not just the porn though, is it? It’s the “repeated” denials, the lying about using it, not taking responsibility for his own actions, making you feel like you’re in the wrong, etc. this sort of behaviour in a relationship- no matter what the issue - just ends up eroding trust and respect between partners, as you’ve said the “rot” has set in. So no you’re not unreasonable to end it, why would you stay?

“Because people want to have a wank, that's why. Because people like looking at tits while they do it. You can't stop every person on the planet from wanting to do that.“

No I can’t. I can’t stop people being arseholes. But I can try not be an arsehole myself, and not want arseholes in my life. Not using porn has to be one of the simplest ways to live more ethically- it doesn’t cost you anything not to use porn. It’s not like giving up dairy products or cheap clothes or IPhones or remembering your keep cup or metal straw.

'Because why run the risk of using a terrified unconsenting exploited woman as wank fodder?'

'Because people want to have a wank, that's why.'

Oh well that's fine then.

Isn’t it strange how pornhub and wanking began at exactly the same time? It must have been some sort of evolutionary quirk, I suppose. Nobody masturbated for hundreds and thousands of years, then all of a sudden.....

I've read a lot of stuff over the years, watched a lot of documentaries etc. Off the top of my head;

66% of all porn stars have herpes
An extremely high percentage of all women who enter the porn industry, only do 1 film.
They fill in a form at the beginning on what is acceptable and what is not. They are told they need to tick as much as possible, or they won't get work.
They are told they are doing x y shoot today. They do it and they are then told you need to do z. If they won't d it, they are told they won't get paid for x and y.
The vast majority are high on drugs or drunk to be able to face the scenes.
The porn industry hires a doctor specifically to sew up anal tears on set.
The average life expectancy for the women in porn is late 30s.
Typical causes of death are; drug overdose, alcohol abuse, suicide, murdered by boyfriend/pimp, AIDS.
A lot supplement their wages with prostitution as it's less harmful, they get treated better etc.
Past backgrounds of the women, usually include child hood sexual abuse or rape and physical abuse and neglect.
I've seen leaked videos where women are crying and pleading with the men to stop.
The most searched word in porn is 'teen'.
88% of all mainstream porn links are violent, or degrading.
Research shows men typically watch the women's face more than body parts. (Coupled with the 88% stat, they are not watching for her pleasure)
Hardly any porn star is on a contract. That is a myth. Jenna James got one and the 1st thing she did was specify 'women only' ....funny that.

I could go on and on.

But, you know.......enjoy your wank.

"All men watch porn"

Fight the new drug website was founded by a man, for men who want to stop watching porn.

Also have a look at the 'no fap' reddit threads. Thousands of men trying (snd succeeding to give up porn)

Porn was the most cited reason for divorce in the USA a couple of years ago (might still be) and the age that erectile dysfunction used to present itself was 50s.....men in the 20s 30s and 40s are now experiencing ED.

Funny that “all men watch porn” appears to be an acceptable generalisation, but “all men are bastards” is a feminist slur!

@BertrandRussell Yes, that's so true.

I know a lot of men who would be really offended to be told that 'all men watch porn.'

@Sassandfaff1 excellent post! I think it's true to say that most of these women wouldn't be doing it if they weren't desperate. I know that that's true for a lot of Central Asian women. (The charity I'm involved in supports women from that part of the world.) Many of these women and girls can't go back to their villages because they've been shamed for being rape/child sexual abuse victims.

It has nothing to do with whether all men watch porn. It's about to what extent you pressure other human beings to live according to your standards. A comparative example could be a vegan trying to shame their partner into not eating meat. The vegan can say whatever they like about the meat industry. They can even choose not to date meat eaters. But preaching and shaming is poor behaviour.

I could not be wIth a man I knew watched porn. For all the reasons so clearly posted here by Sass, Bertrand etc.
I could not love or respect a man who wanted to watch images of women being abused.

I am more than happy to shame the wankers fuelling this ghastly industry, which destroys lives and bodies, and is damaging young boys’ expectations of what a sexual relationship is.
Shame is underrated , frankly.

“t has nothing to do with whether all men watch porn. It's about to what extent you pressure other human beings to live according to your standards.“
Blimey. So not wanting women to be trafficked and exploited and raped so that men can watch and wank is some sort of impossibly high moral standard?

If the issue of consent is the issue, would you have less issue with a man having a wank along with a woman online who is doing it because she wants to? Unpaid, by choice for her own sexual enjoyment.

“If the issue of consent is the issue, would you have less issue with a man having a wank along with a woman online who is doing it because she wants to? Unpaid, by choice for her own sexual enjoyment.”
Is this something that actually happens?

What kind of woman would do that though?
I'm guessing one with low self worth and self esteem.
Who would bend over and expose their genitals as wank fodder, that has had a nice normal childhood and has high self esteem?
The question should really be, why is this necessary? Why do men think porn is a right? Why do they see it as a 'normal' past time?
I think men who wank over porn are sad. Losers. Pathetic. Weak. So the woman consenting would make no difference to my view on him.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a vacuum either. If you believe that women truly consenting would make everything ok, then you havent grasped onto the fact that women in the sex industry have an impact on how ALL women are treated.
The founded of Fight the new drug, describes how everywhere he went, he would look at women's faces, breasts, legs and bum and grade her on her fuckability.
One book i read called porn uncensored or something like that, tells the men's stories. One man got all sleazy with his nuece, another describes how he became de sensitised to even the extreme porn and moved onto children being raped videos.

Head out the sand everybody.

Again, another mention of paedophilia.

Yes, in this day and age, it is hugely prevalent for women to make and market their own pornographic images. And, shockingly, some women do actually enjoy their own sexuality and want to share it, without being abused. It might amaze you, but not everyone is as uptight as you.

Anyway OP.

I'm sorry you are in this position. You have set your boundaries, which you are entitlef to do. He was/is quite free to leave and not agree to those boundaries. But he has chosen to lie and say he agrees with them and then crap all over them.
I believe that if people don't see anything wrong with porn, they think you are controlling or overracting etc, and they then give themselves permission to do it behind your back. (Cognitive dissonance)
I think the only way to get him to stop is to actually change is mindset. Easier said than done. It's easier and quicker to leave.
Good luck.

Quite right crowdo. I've been clutching my pearls this whole time.

Waiting for the word 'empowering' .........in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

It's sad that you think the only consequence of a woman taking her clothes off is that she'll lose her power and autonomy. I think that says something about your attitude to women's sexuality that you would be wise to examine.

Lol uptight

What's next on the script

By the way if I was a vegan and my partner told me they were vegan but I kept finding them woofing down steaks I would dumo them obviously

Because their values do not align with mine and also because they were lying to me about something they knew was important to me.

Op is not looking to ban all men from wanking :D she is saying she has had enough of him lying and all the other stuff, and she is probably going to dump him. That is her right. Obviously.

I'm sad that you think women have power and autonomy if they take their clothes off, for men to wank over.

If it's so powerful why does Bill Gates not do it? Elon Musk? Jeff whatever his name is from Amazon?
Women's sexuality doesn't start and end with the validation if the male gaze.

Christ these supposed rebuttals are fucking tragic.