Do you think this is normal for a family in a rural region in the 90s?

[Moralitym1n1]

(it has actually continued into the '00s as well)

• females (not sure about males) don't have sex before marriage

• females (as above not sure about males) have a curfew while single and while dating. (Weekend curfew later than weekday one).

• all live at home until married

• if females (no idea about males) go on trip with boyfriend before married, separate rooms and chaperon eg brother goes on trip as well (shares room with bf)

• all females except one becomes house wife after marriage (the one exception actually works in same place as husband)

• large families (4 min.) after marriage

• regular church attendance

• (before marriage) females encouraged to participate in beauty pageants and similar 'lovely girl' competitions

• no artificial contraception (except barrier methods at risky times alongside NFP)

• no separate socialising from partner (both males and females)

• almost exclusively family socialising (both)

• discouragement from drinking alcohol (both but females more than males)

• both males and females strongly encouraged to study and work close to home (as above only one female cont'd to work after marriage.

I don't think this was average/normal in the 90s but am being told it was.

I was going to say rural Ireland as soon as I read the post. From friends’ experiences I do think not uncommon.
I immediately thought of a specific area in Donegal when I read the OP's posts.

@choli - which area out if interest?

The area where they recently set fire to a hotel intended to house refugees.

Yes.

What a small world.

(Incidentally same thing happened in county Leitrim, which I discovered googling it).

I hadn't seen that in the news.

I was right?!
I'm not from there but spent some time there back in the 80s. A rather insular place.

If part of the name sounds French, yes.

I had no idea what I was getting into!

I'd say you had a lucky escape😉

Maybe in some places but not in this country AFAIK.

@choli

I'm just glad I'm not dealing with the repeated stress of arguing about some of these things & feeling like someone can't accept you as you are.

Suppose it could be argued I couldn't accept him as he is; but I honestly thought his views and 'rules,' were unreasonable and not normal, part the reason for this thread.

Wow! I just identified it! I’ve been there, stayed for one night, thought it was charming on fleeting impressions.

I’ve been thinking so much of what you’ve said and I think my mother has definitely internalised a lot of the ‘perfect lawyer barbie’ ideal. She’d love nothing more than for me to be a wife and mother who maybe had a nice job as a secretary to some super local man.

It's funny that with only County Donegal, and near the border to identify it, a MN poster has identified the exact (small) place ... It certainly is a small world.

I suppose these views/this behaviour is common in various places though.

It certainly is charming (if a little but run down) in terms of location etc.

It's all a bit 1950s.

It's the check box ticking for a 'correct' life.

(I suppose, though I do think they pick on women more, there is pressure on men to be (heterosexual) family men too. Just seems like all the control esp around sex is focused on women).

Interesting that the place that is very unwelcoming of refugees is also the place that oppresses women.

She’d love nothing more than for me to be a wife and mother who maybe had a nice job as a secretary to some super local man.
A vet or a solicitor. Vets are gods in that sort of place

Sorry, meant to say secretary to a vet of course. Don't get above yourself and want to be a vet yourself.

Oh she'd be allowed to train to be a vet (cause it's important to show she's smart/career Barbie, she's higher status that way) but then expected to give it up if she had kids 😉.

Maybe not, as I said there is one member of the female family who has the privilege if working outside the home (but in a traditionally female profession in a small organisation where her husband also works).

The man I was in a relationship with suggested I start a small studio/office for my profession in one of his outhouses if we married, moved into together etc. At the time I thought it was very encouraging and positive, looking back I have to wonder if part of it was so he could keep an eye on me, have influence over who I worked with and I wouldn't be off in sone office 40mins away fraternising with who knows who at lunchtime, after work etc.

Also makes it harder to split (if your workplace is your partner's property), everything seems to be very enmeshed like that in those families; in one way it's support & investment, in another there's possibly a control aspect to it.

Well he would need to be able to see who you are talking to, and preferably hear what you are saying. Have to keep tabs on outsiders like you.
God knows what you might inadvertently reveal about the highly respected family.

I live near Bristol and our village has a large and growing community of Plymouth brethren who still live like this

They take places at the village school until ks2 then withdraw them and educate them in their own schools which is causing a lot of local issues. They don't speak to non brethren or support village facilities.

Can't believe it goes on today

I live near Bristol and our village has a large and growing community of Plymouth brethren who still live like this

I didn't know that but from a google, I know the school you mean.
It's perhaps better than the families from another minority community who tend to withdraw them from school altogether when they are high school age but that's not saying much really is it?

omg in many ways it IS my life - had a mega-prestigious career, in agreement with my DH I gave it up because i wanted to work on starting a business, but mum and dad etc refuse to believe i am or should be doing it (the business thing) and keep referring to me as a 'full time mum' and disapproving because i have childcare and saying things like 'you should be fulfilled in being a mother'. Sister has given up 'career' and is part time PA to local Important Man. We have about five degrees between us.

What's worst is i keep feeling like I'm being sucked into the 1950s and sort of being affected by that mindset! Aargh, help me be free!

oh my god this is all hitting a bit close to the bone, i'm SOOOOO glad you started this thread, food for thought!