Do you think this is normal for a family in a rural region in the 90s?

[Moralitym1n1]

(it has actually continued into the '00s as well)

• females (not sure about males) don't have sex before marriage

• females (as above not sure about males) have a curfew while single and while dating. (Weekend curfew later than weekday one).

• all live at home until married

• if females (no idea about males) go on trip with boyfriend before married, separate rooms and chaperon eg brother goes on trip as well (shares room with bf)

• all females except one becomes house wife after marriage (the one exception actually works in same place as husband)

• large families (4 min.) after marriage

• regular church attendance

• (before marriage) females encouraged to participate in beauty pageants and similar 'lovely girl' competitions

• no artificial contraception (except barrier methods at risky times alongside NFP)

• no separate socialising from partner (both males and females)

• almost exclusively family socialising (both)

• discouragement from drinking alcohol (both but females more than males)

• both males and females strongly encouraged to study and work close to home (as above only one female cont'd to work after marriage.

I don't think this was average/normal in the 90s but am being told it was.

My DM sister and brother ran houses like that, they were competitive with piousness trying to be more Holy.

Nail on head.

Some of the family members seemed to compete in piousness and for parental approval.

Sounds normal for a devoutly religious family.

Normal for them maybe. Not average behaviour, religious, cultural?

Lucky escape

Eh "child A was at sleep-over on Fri night" ..

"You let child A go to sleepovers?! I'd never let my children do that, you never know who could be in and around that house, you just don't!".

(sorry that was referring to the piousness/respectability competition).

Are we talking US Bible Belt, or sects such as the Plymouth Brethren in the U.K.?

If not, then IMO def. not the norm for the vast majority now.

Lucky escape

I think so.

I'm now embarrassed by how long I stayed in the relationship, and feel I was so naive but didn't see it at the time.

He does not attend church and did not initially come across as religious or conservative and I feel like I was so slow in getting a handle on everything.

Are we talking US Bible Belt, or sects such as the Plymouth Brethren in the U.K.?

Catholic family in rural-ish area near border between Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland.

Even if it was normal (and I don't agree that it was). It wasn't consistent with your morals and choices.

You don't need permission to think differently.

Whatever went on, you are not to blame.

I take it this is not central Scotland you are talking about...

I take it this is not central Scotland you are talking about..

No - are some people like that in central Scotland

Nope, not even a little bit normal.

I grew up in a rural area of Ireland in the 1990s, Catholic family and schools, and not one person I know lived like that.

I knew some people at school who actively wanted to live close to home, marry locally, and pop out children... and they did just that. But all the other stuff about curfews, chaperones, beauty contests, no alcohol, etc... not on your life. Bet his family is considered weird by the neighbours

I'm a Catholic with an Irish born mum. She was born in a rural area in the 30s. Not saying she didn't have to put up with a lot of this when she was younger but it bears no relationship to the experience of my Irish family later. Sounds a bit cult-y.

*Even if it was normal (and I don't agree that it was). It wasn't consistent with your morals and choices.

You don't need permission to think differently. flowers

Whatever went on, you are not to blame.*

Thank you.

I suppose people like that are so utterly intrinsically convinced that their morals are the right ones and that yours are inferior, that even a feisty person like myself can question things.

This sounds very much like a church community in south west England that supported an abusive coercive controller who tried to separate my 18 YO DD from us and get her married within a few months. He almost succeeded.

The abuse was extreme and of various types. She's aware that the abuse and coercive control is enabled considered normal by that community and she feels awful that she managed to walk away but the other women she got to know there can't do the same.

I grew up in the West Country in the 90s, and only the Plymouth Brethren lived like that.

No, I mean my first thought was one of those cliche horror movies where a city couple's car breaks down while driving through a rural area and the seemingly 'nice' family that takes them in for the night ends up horribly murdering one or both of them for some obscure cultish religious reason.

Sounds a little like some irish traveller families I've come across through work (but I freely admit I don't know them well enough to really say).

But OP it doesn't matter if it was or was not normal for this person, it was NOT 'normal' for you.

Quite the opposite for every single statement in the original OP & I turned out fine! Was a teenager in the late 80s in a rural area for context.

Assuming you are talking about rural Donegal, this doesn't sound that uncommon to me. The only thing that is less familiar to me is the lovely girls competition, although, I have vague memories of this in Butlins maybe? I'm in my early 30's so was a child in the 90's but I wouldn't find much else of the above that surprising really (even though I wasn't raised like this).

@Goldmandra

Fk that's horrendous, so glad your dad managed to get out.

I do now increasingly think they are cultish.

There have been two failed/broken engagements in the family and, while I heard all the things that were bad and wrong about the ex fiances, I have a feeling there's more to it than that, I suspect they and their families realised what they were getting into.

*dd

Assuming you are talking about rural Donegal

Yes.

The only thing that is less familiar to me is the lovely girls competition

I wax referring to the jokey father Ted beauty pageant, which they called the Lovely Girl competition - but they are essentially a beauty/personality/'niceness' competition and are still happening even now in some areas - they're sponsored by a bar or by some town committee and she'll be Miss 'town name' or Miss 'bar/business name'.