My husband has just hit me

[namechange101145]

We had a big argument this afternoon, about a non issue, that escalated.
I went into our bedroom for some space, he followed me, I kept asking him to please just go away, he refused and kept shouting. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down and told me never to tell him to go away in his own home again.
I left to sort my horses out, returned an hour later.
Went into the kitchen and began making dinner, assuming he'd come in and apologise.
He came in screaming at me, calling me every name under the sun. He pretended he hadn't grabbed me and I was being a drama queen. I asked if he'd be ok if BIL did that to SIL (his sister)... "only if she deserved it, like you did."
I told him I was going, ran out to the kitchen to grab my coat and he grabbed me and shoved me. I fell against the fridge and hit my head, he was screaming and swearing at me and calling me a slag.
I ran and jumped into my car.
Currently said in my car by the beach.
I don't know what to do.
He's hit me before, twice, and received counselling for this.
My parents are currently on holiday. I'm 200 miles from my close friends/family.
I can't leave this area due to my horses.
I need to go home and get my stuff. I don't even have my purse.
I'm sat here crying and crying. I just don't know what to do or where to go.

@namechange
Thank Goodness for best friends at times like this eh!
Take care.

you are doing really well, keep on going.

You're doing great op! So proud of you xxx

You're doing so well, OP! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Keep doing what you're doing. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

You didn't retaliate

Someone acting to protect themselves from the risk of being attacked and getting their injuries treated is not 'retaliating'.

I suggest you point that out to him and suggest that he takes care to think about the language he uses as you go forward in this.

As for your MIL, it's tempting to see where he may have got the idea that nothing he does is really his fault and he's not answerable for his own temper.

I assume he means that going to the police is OPs retaliation.

However it may be worth a reply that you never in any way shape or form physically retaliated at the time and that going to the police is NOT retaliation. It is a consequence for his actions.

You have your horses, dogs and a good support network plus the new life growing within you. Take strength from them.

Good news that he has admitted it. That saves you the horror of a court case (although, vaguely I recall one of my worse ones was going to court, not sure why, can't remember whether he admitted/denied, maybe it was to up the charges or something - it's all a haze).

Do not reply or engage with him at all.
You do not need to.justify.

"It may be worth a reply"

No just don't.
Do not engage.

Ask a solicitor before you send any kind of reply...or better just say nothing.

Later if you have the baby and he goes to court for access you can get advice.
For now you do not need to be in any contact at all except any practicalities if you need to retrieve belongings.

His letter was likely on advice of a solicitor to try to mitigate so do not reply or respond without legal advice.
Do not engage

OP, you are doing all the right things, and being busy at work is an investment in you, and your future.

Keep a screenshot of the message your MIL sent, and save it.

Keep the letter your H sent. And a copy.

I agree, 'retaliate' is not remotely the right word to describe the way in which you have protected yourself.

But no way should you contact him or reply, and certainly don't give him a handy guide to how to say the right things!

Don't engage.

And don't expect his contrite tone to last. He will quickly become angry and aggressive again when he realises you are not going to submit to his control again. Sweet talking and contrition is the well known part of the script of an abuser. He knows he has to keep up a good appearance - hence his telling his mother to apologise. Her first text speaks volumes. And will be based on what he first told her. The latest is cosmetic.

I'm glad your friend is coming for the weekend.

As others have said, you didn't "retaliate" you "responded" in a completely appropriate way

Yes to everything hotpot has said. Please, do NOT engage with him at all, just dont contact him.

So glad he went peacefully, but appreciate it must still very very raw and you must be in turmoil at the moment.

Very glad your friend is coming for the weekend too.

Do NOT reply to the letter but do keep it (and screenshot the vile MIL msg and subsequent apology).

Go and hug your horses as much as possible.

Apologies, "retaliate" is a word I used, not him... react would have probably been better. I just used it to describe my actions since what happened, happened.

I haven't responded to his letter, or to MIL.

I'm not angry. I'm just numb. That's literally the only way I can describe how I feel.

Is there anyone is real life you can reach out to before the weekend?

I know said work had been busy but could you take a day off and just spend time with your horses?

These are quite extreme circumstances; it's not like you're after a sickie.

Oh god, how could MIL say being hit is your fault?! That's awful.

JFC with a completely fair and balanced MIL like that it’s clear the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Oh god, how could MIL say being hit is your fault?! That's awful.

Mine did the same. It’s because their baby boys can do no wrong even when being violent, aggressive bullies. They’d do well to reflect on what they’ve brought up.

Oh god... totally outing but my ex-MIL told me the reason my ex abused me was because he was frightened I was going to die because I was so overweight. Why do some MIL’s behave so disgustingly.

I was significantly thinner than her at the time!

Op so pleased to hear you are safe, although horrified by your MIL...

Just adding my support Op-you're doing great. Don't trust your own feelings & lean on your BF, that's what she's there for.

Really pleased that you have your BF coming to stay, just what you need