My husband has just hit me

[namechange101145]

We had a big argument this afternoon, about a non issue, that escalated.
I went into our bedroom for some space, he followed me, I kept asking him to please just go away, he refused and kept shouting. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down and told me never to tell him to go away in his own home again.
I left to sort my horses out, returned an hour later.
Went into the kitchen and began making dinner, assuming he'd come in and apologise.
He came in screaming at me, calling me every name under the sun. He pretended he hadn't grabbed me and I was being a drama queen. I asked if he'd be ok if BIL did that to SIL (his sister)... "only if she deserved it, like you did."
I told him I was going, ran out to the kitchen to grab my coat and he grabbed me and shoved me. I fell against the fridge and hit my head, he was screaming and swearing at me and calling me a slag.
I ran and jumped into my car.
Currently said in my car by the beach.
I don't know what to do.
He's hit me before, twice, and received counselling for this.
My parents are currently on holiday. I'm 200 miles from my close friends/family.
I can't leave this area due to my horses.
I need to go home and get my stuff. I don't even have my purse.
I'm sat here crying and crying. I just don't know what to do or where to go.

*by random messages, I mean the endless group chats etc that I seem to be in, friends tagging me in stupid Facebook memes, texts about meeting up for dog walks on the weekend... just anything to remind me what my life should be, and what my life currently isn't....

Hi OP, just logged on and saw your post. So glad you are OK.

I know it is so hard for you - but you are strong and you can get through this. Keep in touch, we are all here for you on the forum and hopefully many IRL if they live near you. Any advice and hand hold you need, we are here.

Stay strong, hoping you have support IRL to help you through and don't worry if you feel low - that is normal and to be expected, hopefully someone will come along with experience of this to help you through.

Thoughts and prayers still with you.

Thinking of you OP

Best wishes,love.
Take care. Mx.

KOKO OP, really pleased to hear from you

💐 Take care.

Well done OP. One day at a time. Xx

I've followed this thread from the beginning.
You are doing so well. It will feel like a grieving process. There will be times when you want him back, that's completely normal.
Now is the time to be selfish and think of yourself. Switch off from those other people and group chats. You will find strength in those who love and care for you. And from us all here.
Cry, get angry, feel every emotion that comes with it.
What you've done is incredibly brave. You deserve a better life ... you got this..., even when you feel like you haven't xx

You are doing great OP.

One front in front of the other...

You are doing so well xx

You are stronger than you think OP. It's okay to be sad and upset, anyone would be. But you are a fighter, don't lose sight of that

You do whatever you need to OP - turning your phone off was a good strategy. He knows he's blown it. If he hadn't contacted you before the police saw him I think that's very telling too.

Glad to hear from you I've been following and thinking of you x

I'm glad he went without a fuss.
I'm sorry you're going through this. But what you're feeling is something every one I know who has been through similar feels. It is a sort of a grief. You've got the heartbreak of the end of your relationship, coupled with the violence. In my head there was a lot of WHY WHY WHY???

Good news is, that this too shall pass! I promise you that.

Did the police interview him yet do you know?

Try to keep yourself occupied and avoid overthinking. Your horses are probably a really good hobby to keep you occupied. The less you allow yourself to dwell, the less the pain will invade you.

It's just one day at a time, and day on day it will get easier.

Oh and just two other pieces of advice (unsolicited I know, and maybe not even relevant).
If you're listening to music, make sure it's upbeat and nothing maudlin.
If you drink, avoid it for a while as it will make you feel worse.

Horses will be moulting this time of the year so will appreciate a good groom!

How many people have you told in real life op?

As the sooner you stop keeping his secret the better it will be for you, your coming to terms with your new situation and your recovery.

I’m so sorry OP that you are going through this, but I’m so glad you have been strong enough to get yourself to the hospital, police and that he is gone. I’ve been through very similar and it took me almost dying to leave.

Have you told your family and friends what has been happening?

A bit at a time, I know it is tough, you will get through this. Be kind to yourself.

Good to hear that you're doing ok (as much as can be expected) op. Horses will be fantastic medicine at a time like this. When I'm down I miss mine dreadfully, nothing like the smell of a horse and a soft horsey muzzle to kiss to make you feel better. Keep smiling, your doing amazingly x

Thank you all so much
My horses have been the very best therapy in all of this. Unfortunately work has been unforeseeably busy so I've not had as much time to spend with them as I'd like. I've taken the dogs for a lovely long walk each morning & my best friend is coming to stay for the weekend.
DHs siblings (plus their OHs) & his parents know... SIL/BIL have both been in touch & are great. MIL sent me a really nasty text basically telling me it was my fault (one of the reasons I turned my phone off). I'm assuming H set her straight as I did receive an apology from her today.
H has admitted everything to the police. Arrested & released on bail. He's staying with PIL.
He has sent me a letter, apologising for everything - absolutely not asking for forgiveness - & showing empathy & understanding for how I've retaliated.
He doesn't know about the pregnancy yet.

You’re doing so well, you’re being so strong and you should be so proud of yourself.

Now you need to do what’s right for YOU. Forget MIL - it doesn’t matter what she thinks. Could you block her?

Keep going, you’re doing this and you’re doing it with elegance and dignity x

I'm so glad to hear you're safe. You're doing so well in a very hard situation. I hope your friend coming to stay at the weekend will give you support and help you stay as strong as you have been.
Are you planning on telling her you're pregnant? Can you trust her not to tell anyone at the moment so it doesn't get back to your husband?

Glad to read your update op and that you are safe. You have absolutely done the right thing here by telling everyone, do not protect him. Not one is to blame here except him, no alter what your MIL or anyone else might say.

Did he use the word retaliated OP?

@godowneasy I have already told her. She knew I was pregnant last time and knows about the miscarriage. I trust her with my life. Very, very lucky to have her.