Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to do when another woman is making a play for your DP?

193 replies

ANN00 · 07/03/2019 20:43

My DP has acquired a female fan. She has always been overly friendly with him but appears to be ramping things up.

She has asked him to help her assemble a bed and he has agreed to help her. Apparently she then said to him that it’s great to have a friend with benefits (meaning his furniture assembly skills).

I’ve just told him to be careful and have an excuse ready in case she makes a move. He doesn’t seem bothered but I’ve been thinking about this tonight and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with him helping her out.

Tell me I’m being silly and should just get a handle on my jealousy. Smile

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 09/03/2019 14:58

"She shouldn't be asking him; he's not her family member of partner"

I completely agree that she shouldn't be groping him, but completely disagree that only family members can help with DIY. I live far away from my family, what can I do but ask friends and friendly colleagues?

juliej00ls · 09/03/2019 15:10

Your partner is testing you..., she pinched my bum..., she said this .... I’m over to help her do this. Tell him to grow up you’ve all left school a long time ago and if he keeps encouraging this ridiculous flirtation to try and provoke a reaction he may well find he doesn’t like the outcome. You can’t stop him but likewise he needs to be reminded he won’t be able to stop your reaction either.

Imacliche · 09/03/2019 15:17

Smile and wave, as I know my partner 100% and know it would never be reciprocated.

Also keep a beady eye on her, as if its taken too far its out and out pure disrespect if nothing else.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 09/03/2019 15:22

The problem with my DP is that he has ‘white knight’ syndrome. Particularly when it comes to women

Unless you make your DP come on board that the only “Knight” he should be is yours you’re gonna be perpetually fighting this battle as white knights live for the adoration of other women and fuck what you feel about it.

Original poster
ANN00 · 09/03/2019 16:08

morality she lives in the same village as my partner’s parents. They have a big house with lots of outbuildings and my DP and his brother often spend time pottering in the garages at the weekend.

To be fair, she hasn’t turned up since.

OP posts:
FookMeFookYou · 09/03/2019 16:22

I get that she needs a van, but she needs him to assemble the bed too? It's a bed Hmm Personally I wouldn't like it (I trust my DH 100%) but then I've had women overstep the mark before (my DH was oblivious) and whilst pregnant. I only had to bear my teeth once lol 😁 and she got the msg. We pick up on things they don't but then if you've not met the woman or been around her to see whether she's flirty or just using a poor choice of words then leave him to his white knight shenanigans

Moralitym1n1 · 09/03/2019 16:24

I see, still kind of necky turning up there at all ( I suppose less do if she knows his parents) but overall I stand by my view above.

She groped him, the fwb comment is flirtatious/suggestive, the regular messaging and the repeated requests for help - all together is just too much and like you I think she's after him.

He needs to nip it in the bud, unfortunately being nice of encouraging her in the context above.

Moralitym1n1 · 09/03/2019 16:25

*less so

Moralitym1n1 · 09/03/2019 16:27

what can I do but ask friends and friendly colleagues?

Pay someone?

But my point wasn't isolated, it was in the context of her other behaviour. Which you know, but ignored - again, as you did with the acquaintance comment. I've seen you do this in other threads to other posters as well, you seem to be on here to nitpick and argue for the sake of arguing.

SmallFastPenguin · 09/03/2019 16:29

Tell him she's welcome to him and pack him a small bag ready.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 09/03/2019 16:30

Did the bed get delivered ANN00? Did he help with assembly?

Moralitym1n1 · 09/03/2019 16:31

My attached male work colleague has delivered loft insulation for me (was getting some himself) but it was a one off, I don't message him outside work, I don't make flirtatious comments about him being my Feb, but above all I haven't felt his arse up while on a night out.

Moralitym1n1 · 09/03/2019 16:33

*fwb

Moralitym1n1 · 09/03/2019 16:41

(have also met and socialised with his partner several times).

Original poster
ANN00 · 09/03/2019 16:54

He is picking it up on Monday after work. I’m actually tempted to just let him get on with it. He has just asked me if I thought she fancied him.

If he’s so stupid, then he deserves what he gets and I deserve better treatment.

Again, thanks for the advice everyone. I think I’m going to have a bath, watch a film and have lots of wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
ANN00 · 09/03/2019 16:55

Which suggests to me that PPs were right- he is enjoying the attention.

OP posts:
Cailindeas35 · 09/03/2019 17:07

You have a husband problem, mine would not do this. It is disrespectful to me and to him. It's not about trust or control it's about respect. Plus he should not be encouraging her or leading her on. I would expect my dp to quash this and he would expect me to do the same.
I would be furious at him not her. She's just a saddo.

MsDogLady · 09/03/2019 18:32

What did you say when he asked you that?

So you’re sending him right into her arms? You’ll never really know what happened during their alone-time.

Original poster
ANN00 · 09/03/2019 18:34

I just said I didn’t know, as I don’t know her but that I wasn’t comfortable with the situation.

I probably will still go along but I’m worried about our relationship if he thinks this is acceptable behaviour.

OP posts:
Hanab · 09/03/2019 19:09

Tell him straight up that you do not like the attention she is showing and the fact that he ia enjoying it. Ask him how would he feel if the situation was reversed ..
you can ask him to do the bare minimum for her and to kindly dissuade her advances.

If he cherishes you he will step back and put an end to this.

If not .. then lady you have a decision to make thay may not be easy. The situation can escalate and you will always be wondering if he has allowed it to go further ..

I would tell them both together that her behaviout is inappropriate and his enjoyment of it is disrespectful. If he wants to pursue her make the decision to part. Living with the constant what if .. etc is going to eat at you ..

MsDogLady · 09/03/2019 20:00

Amen, Hanab

Original poster
ANN00 · 11/03/2019 16:14

So, it’s happening tonight. His colleague has now asked him to move another bed 20 miles away to another family member. My DP is not happy about this at all.

I’ve had a very big talk with him and he now understands why I have a problem with this. He asked me what I wanted him to do and agreed with my suggestion of being busy the next time she asks him for help.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
DBML · 11/03/2019 16:26

I think you can safely tell him that she doesn’t fancy him lol! She’s just been charming into becoming her personal handyman. Gosh, some men are fools.

Walkmehome · 11/03/2019 17:57

More fool him if he does that then.

DuchessOfPhysics · 11/03/2019 18:01

Wow, she's given him a second job as well as the assembly?!?!

I agree, she doesn't fancy him because if she did she wouldn't want to take the fucking biscuit. She wants a handyman.