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Original poster

What to do when another woman is making a play for your DP?

193 replies

ANN00 · 07/03/2019 20:43

My DP has acquired a female fan. She has always been overly friendly with him but appears to be ramping things up.

She has asked him to help her assemble a bed and he has agreed to help her. Apparently she then said to him that it’s great to have a friend with benefits (meaning his furniture assembly skills).

I’ve just told him to be careful and have an excuse ready in case she makes a move. He doesn’t seem bothered but I’ve been thinking about this tonight and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with him helping her out.

Tell me I’m being silly and should just get a handle on my jealousy. Smile

OP posts:
Babygrey7 · 07/03/2019 22:11

She likes him

And he is flattered by it (and you made it even more exciting for him by warning him)

I'd ask him to stop it now, after this bed thing, as it is not really necessary for him to be HER white knight....

Just tell him it's enough now, and considering the fact she fancies him and has pinched his bum,,not appropriate

This is all so predictable, tell the man to stop being so bloody naive/stop lapping up the attention

Also ask him, would he do this for 6ft4 17 stone Wayne in accounts, and if not why not

Takeapolaroid · 07/03/2019 22:42

Get him to tell her you will be coming along. She will probably cancel.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/03/2019 23:05

He can use the van, drop it off and leave. She can find another mug to put it together for her if she can’t manage by herself.

But I’d be saying he should cancel. If he needs to be needed I’m sure you can draft a quick list of stuff he can do at home so he can white knight to his hearts content.

DBML · 07/03/2019 23:10

I’ve put a bed together by myself before Hmm I was a 21 year old; 5’4”; 8.5st; girl at the time.

NobodysChild · 07/03/2019 23:14

This woman is playing 'damsel in distress' and has her eye on your fella. Why does your partner keep running around after her? Is he enjoying the chase? Tell him, you have concerns and if he's not careful she could make his work life a nightmare and wreck his home life too. He doesn't know what she is capable of in terms of 'crying wolf' if she doesn't get what she wants. He needs to give her a very wide berth and concentrate on his relationship with you.

Teaandcrisps · 07/03/2019 23:16

Red flag to me. He only has time to drop off the bed in said van - she can make it herself. And your DH can shut down the flirtations.

BertrandRussell · 07/03/2019 23:17

If she makes a plat and he goes for it, then dump. Life’s too short.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/03/2019 23:18

The problem with my DP is that he has ‘white knight’ syndrome. Particularly when it comes to women.

She isn't your problem, he is.

elephantoverthehill · 07/03/2019 23:22

If he is falling for it, let him and move on. Otherwise you will be endlessly traipsing after your 'knight' and have no life of your own.

MsDogLady · 07/03/2019 23:47

I would not be playing the cool wife here. You are underreacting.

How would DH feel if a man pawed your bum and then you headed to his house to play a cozy game of Bed Assembly?

It is telling that he agreed to this. He knows the score. FWB innuendo indeed.

She may be chasing, but he is absolutely reciprocating. Enjoying the ego-boost. He should have already shut her down...but he hasn’t.

Have him cancel or go with him. Who cares what she thinks.

Really, Ann, you need to read him the Riot Act.

MsDogLady · 07/03/2019 23:48

DP not DH

icouldwriteabook · 07/03/2019 23:54

I think the only person here with a ‘problem’ Is you, OP.

You’re too soft. Pretty much end of

My DP would Absolutely catergorically not be helping any woman who felt his arse, regularly messages him and turns up at his parents house for ‘help’ amongst probably many things you missed out.
He wouldn’t even want to Confused

You need a backbone, or a new DP

watchoutnow · 08/03/2019 00:11

I would really not allow this to continue. When I was going through Divorce I had a number of married guys try to help me out with jobs at home. I was very shocked and saddened to realise there were so many married men who would try it! Obviously I rejected their "offers". Put your foot down.

cindersrella · 08/03/2019 00:25

I am not massively over jealous or possessive however... if this was my 'friend' being like this with my husband I wouldn't be impressed at all. In fact I'd tell him he wasn't going to sort the bed out and she would have to either get someone else or do it herself with another friend.
Or I would insist on going too. If her behaviour continues I'd have it out with her

Myheartbelongsto · 08/03/2019 00:31

I would tell her to fuck right off.

I did this last year.

What a bitch, get rid.

Butterymuffin · 08/03/2019 01:01

What everyone else has said. He's the problem. Hope you went along.

Rumbletum2 · 08/03/2019 01:30

Over my rotting corpse would my DH be trotting off to help this cheeky mare!

He needs to back right away even if he’s worried about seeming rude.

I’d show her bloody rude!

MsDogLady · 08/03/2019 01:37

Ann, she has already made a physical play for him, as well as pursuing him in other inappropriate ways. Don’t you realize that they both are anticipating this cozy set-up at hers? He would not be going otherwise, out of respect for you and your relationship.

She touched him intimately, Ann. In not drawing a line, he is giving her the go-ahead. You really don’t know how he approaches her at work, do you?

Original poster
ANN00 · 08/03/2019 05:27

The problem is I’m doubting myself. Some PP’s have said that they wouldn’t have a problem and I either trust him or I don’t.

I do trust him 100% but this trust is starting to waver.

I have spoken to him and he’s accepted that it is a bit odd and has said he will just drop the bed off and leave.

Thanks for your advice. Smile

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 08/03/2019 06:18

Glad your DP has taken on board your feelings.

DH and I went through similar years ago before he was DH. He has a very open plan workspace and he's a bit of an agony aunt and everyone ends up talking to him at work and one woman started going in daily and then several times a day. I didn't bat an eye lid at first but then he'd mention things about their conversations (like she was having problems with her boyfriend) and I started to think that she was getting over invested. Then started texting him quite a bit (she had his number because earlier in the year a few of them had to meet up to get into work when it snowed). I was vaguely aware of the texts which seemed innocent yet somehow intrusive, I suppose the frequency ramped up. One day she sent a "morning what are you up to today? X" text and that was when DH and I had a serious chat. Like I say he was Mr agony aunt and very nieve but once he saw it from my point of view he made it clear that he wasn't interested. I was right because when he stopped responding and started being less friendly at work, she told him she had feelings. That definitely ended any friendship.

You do have to trust your feelings and be open about them. A good partner will listen and take them on board.

Singyourlife100 · 08/03/2019 07:17

He seems to be enjoying telling you all these things. I have a feeling it is to keep you on your toes and feel like he will always have somewhere else to go if you step out of line! I’d be questioning his behaviour.

Petalflowers · 08/03/2019 07:21

Well done you.

You could easily going in the van also.

ToeToToe · 08/03/2019 07:27

Yeah, it's inappropriate isn't it - in view of her stalky behaviour.

She really has nobody else to 'help' her with the bed? - pull the other one. No other friends, or family members...? More like she's trying to engineer a situation with her, you DP and a nice new bed Grin

Glad he's seen sense OP - many an affair has started this way. This attention can be very flattering.

And you're not acting jealous - you're just not being a doormat.

Whoops75 · 08/03/2019 07:33

Agree with this, you are being played.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 08/03/2019 07:37

Well done Ann. I'd be tempted to go in the van too.

Your DP also needs to stop the cost texts and back away. She's making a play and he's doing nothing to discourage her so far.