What to do when another woman is making a play for your DP?

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My DP has acquired a female fan. She has always been overly friendly with him but appears to be ramping things up.

She has asked him to help her assemble a bed and he has agreed to help her. Apparently she then said to him that it’s great to have a friend with benefits (meaning his furniture assembly skills).

I’ve just told him to be careful and have an excuse ready in case she makes a move. He doesn’t seem bothered but I’ve been thinking about this tonight and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with him helping her out.

Tell me I’m being silly and should just get a handle on my jealousy.

"Sorry but who can't assemble their own bed (unless she's not able-bodied) confused"

I can't assembly furniture. For one, I don't have the skills and secondly, for big things like a bed, I think you'd need help. I got a male friend to help me and another male friend with my bookcase.

"This isn't something I'd ever ask a colleague to do for me."

Depends if the colleague is also a friend, doesn't it? Just a colleague, no, but a friend from work, yes. I went to Ikea with a friend from work because she had a car.

"If I needed help and had no family members to ask, I'd find a handyman and pay.

I certainly wouldn't ask a married man for help...and I wouldn't want to ask a single man either , in case he got the wrong message and thought I fancied him."

I find it really strange that you couldn't ask a friend, but I suppose this could be a class thing. I remember the MN thread where most people were saying they wouldn't ask friends to help with a move, but would pay removal companies instead. People on a lower income have no choice but to rely on friends sometimes.

I heard this conversation at lunchtime only yesterday. (The gist not verbatim if course) Lovely middle class Home Counties market town , group of VERY glam 'ladies who lunch'.
Loudest one to one of the group;
"How's it going with Mark"
Others join in " whose Mark"
(LO) "His the gorgeous MARRIED (emphasised) tech guy who is fitting out the stuff in Nics new games room. she has him in her sights"
(Nic) "He's NOT married. I would NEVER go after a married man, he lives with some woman, they aren't married on even engaged. He told me she was his 'alright for now' girlfriend . That he won't marry till he meets the one. I'm fine with that. He hasn't made any commitment, so in my eyes he is a free agent ! "

Just letting you know OP. There ARE women who think like this..

but more worrying there are men who are disloyal enough to discuss their relationships in these terms with someone they are working for - if given encouragement and there's a chance of a shag ! .

Now your DH has said yes, it’s really up to him to invite you along and enthuse to the woman that 3 pairs of hands are better than two so isn’t it great you that it can now be done quicker and easier.

So he said he will just drop the bed off and leave...
£5 says he will call you and say she couldn't do it on her own and he was already there so decided to help.

I would still go along if I were you.

I think he will feel awkward to drop the bed off and leave especially if he has already agreed to it.

^^ Arrange drop off time for 11.30. Go with him, drop her off, leave for pre-arranged lunch/shopping/visit parents/friends/coupley type stuff.

That naughty women. I think your problem is your DP. How do you know he didn’t offer to help? He could always not reply to her texts - I think he enjoys the attention. That is the issue - he enjoys it.

• sorry, drop bed off.

She’s groped his arse, turned up at his family’s home....

There’s trust and there’s being a pushover. I would have put a stop to it when she fondled him.

Some guys are actually nice. My DP would do it in a heartbeat.
I saw an accident on the piste a few days ago. I was a way away, waiting for DP to join me for our picnic lunch and was thinking what to do when I see DP stop & assist. The only one who did. He helped keep them calm till the pisteurs arrived, put up the crossed skis so others would avoid and was generally lovely.
It's not a DP problem, it's a scheming woman problem. Be pleased he is kind, but make sure you are 'kind as a team' . Must be so difficult for her being on her own an all and not able to do the simplest things...... maybe the B&Q book of DIY as a secret Santa present next year

Trust how you feel, and yes tell your DP if he loves you he won't go.
We know someone like this, she has systematically worked her way through the group, trying it in with All the men, but none of them knew till she moved away, there was a meet up and a comment was made by one of the men, and the truth tumbled out.

He seems to be enjoying telling you all these things. I have a feeling it is to keep you on your toes and feel like he will always have somewhere else to go if you step out of line

Your dh isn’t a white knight he’s manipulating you imo

Helping a colleague - fine.

Helping a colleague who has felt his bum, texts him constantly and who turned up at his parents house (WTF??!) He's should have cut her off once she started inappropriately touching him!

You have a DP problem.

Assisting at a potentially serious ski accident does not compare to this situation.

What's the first thing you do, after you put a bed together? Jump on it, to see how comfy it is.

Years ago, I asked a guy to help me to put up my new bed. After it was up, we shagged on it. Both single at the time, so no issues there. But come on...the innuendo is obvious!

He's being spectacularly stupid if he helps her with this. She's already made her intent obvious, with the texting and the feeling of his bum. If she does make a play for him in the bedroom, and he rejects her, she could turn really nasty and tell a completely different story to colleagues or HR. And if he said that he had never encouraged her, the stock reply would be "You were alone in her bedroom, clearly something has been going on between you".

And you might think that no woman would be that nasty? I've seen it happen twice.

Oh, and I just remembered about when my Ex best friend was single, she kept asking the married neighbour to help her with "jobs". Even stupid stuff, like putting up a picture (can't everyone manage that?). Turns out they were shagging every time.

Anyway, your question was, what would I do? My 20 year old self, would have done nothing, except hand wring and worry. Now (at 49), I'd contact her directly, and tell her to back the Fuck off. I just wouldn't stand for this absolute piss take. No way.

Go in the van with him.Her face when she sees you,will tell you everything you need to know.

Assisting at a potentially serious ski accident does not compare to this situation.

Absolutely. Any decent human being helps out, if able, at an accident. Only an idiot, or one who's had his head turned, or who likes keeping his wife on her toes with anecdotes of how desperately this woman is into him, will offer to transport and put together a bed for someone who has touched him intimately, hit him with a barrage of texts, and showed up at his parents.

Though honestly, this whole situation sounds like something out of a Carry On film. She's not exactly subtle in her techniques, is she?

I'd be concerned that she's the bunny-boiler type if she's already turning up at your DP's parents' house, OP. I think this should be pointed out to your DP (who should have steered very clear of her after the bum-feeling episode. Or should even have reported her. Would a man get away, now, with feeling a female colleague's bum on a night out?) I suspect she's manipulative at best and possibly something much worse. You and he need to stay away from her, other than in his professional capacity. If he can't see this, he's a fool.

@AnyFucker I was just trying to say he is always the first to help anyone in need. Approximately 100 people of all abilities in groups, singles, skied straight past. There are the helpful who automatically assist or offer and the ones who don't.
Some people are like that and that can make them vulnerable as niceness is their default setting.

You go with him and he makes a very unsubtle comment about how you are such a great team together then you kill her with kindness and offer to set her up with one of you single friends.

We had a neighbour who started asking DH to help her out with diy stuff. He did a couple of things then told me he was getting freaked out by her. She wanted his number to call him directly etc. He's too nice for his own good - never sees any bad in people, but she was making him uneasy. I told her he wouldn't be helping her out, that he was too busy at home, and that she wasn't to call around to him. People might call me controlling but he wanted me to.

A colleague who needs some help, fine. Someone who felt his bum and is making a play for him, not fine. I would go with him, just to discourage her from asking again (if she fancies him but you keep coming too, she'll soon stop asking for 'help'). If she genuinely just needs help, she'll continue asking the same way.

I agree that the expectation after putting together a new bed would be that you’d test it out. It’s a weird thing to do with a colleague.

But, like others, I don’t think I’d see it as my role to ‘do something’ in relation to it. Well, beyond looking incredulously at my partner and asking if he thought building a bed with another woman (especially one who’d felt his bum) was in any way appropriate.

Actually I have been in pretty much this situation with my shitty ex. But I didn’t care that he wanted to help a colleague build her bed. I think I was hoping he was having an exit strategy affair. But if I’d actually wanted to be with him, I’d have been really put out.

The problem is that he is encouraging (or possibly) driving this thing. He should (without any reminding or intervention) realise where the acceptable boundaries are. Any fool can see a mile off that building a bed with a woman who has already come on to you is not appropriate (unless you’re both single and you want it to go somewhere).

The fact that you think you might be being silly and irrationally jealous is weird. There’s no need to even pretend to be cool about this.

How would you react if the roles were reversed? I bet you’d have quickly distanced yourself from a male colleague who’d behaved in this way. I can’t imagine you’d have said: ‘oh yes. I’ll help you build your new bed’.

Geez... I would be totally angry if my DH did something like this. Everyone (?) knows that if a man makes furniture with a woman it's because he's intending to share it with her!... or maybe I have been watching too much TV... but I'll bet that what she's going for, whether he's aware or not!