Unplanned second pregnancy, don't know how or if to tell Dp.

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Names changed as a few people in real life know my user name.

We have one Dc who's only 5 months. I'm ebf and not had a period yet and I've found out today I'm pregnant. I'm devastated, really not ready for another baby and I can't believe it, we've been using condoms every time we've had sex and with a tiny baby it's not like it's been often.

I've told Dp I'm not feeling too well so I'm hiding upstairs. I'm really not sure how he'll take it and I'm not sure what I even want to do, so don't know if I should say anything yet.
We've discussed having another in a very general way and he didn't seem overly bothered for another really and neither was I. Honestly I imagined us probably only having one, maybe two but definitely not this close.

I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess just because I can't talk to anyone in real life and I'm just trying to think things through and stop myself from crying.

You need to talk to him, there's no 'if'. Whatever you decide to do, it will be a decision that needs to be made together. I'm sure you know this.
It must be a massive shock op, I feel for you. Open up to your dp - don't shoulder this all by yourself

The only thing is - if you decide you are going to have an abortion do you think your partner would be upset/angry if you told him, he got excited then you terminated the pregnancy anyway?
Only you know what he's like.
Having said that secrets can also destroy a relationship. The truth normally comes out in the end.
I hope everything works out for you and your family.

Talk to him and see what he says, you both need to discuss this and see if it’s what you want. Hope it goes well and good luck!

I think you do need to decide what you want to do.

Is your relationship good? You come across as being scared to tell him..... or is it just the shock?

I'm not scared of him. But I've honestly no clue what he'd think of it or what he'd want to do.
I'll tell him, when I've got more of a idea. So then I can say, I'm pregnant and keeping it or I'm pregnant but I've booked an abortion.

Only I've no clue which side I'm even leaning to right now.

I feel sick thinking about either option if I'm honest. The thought of another baby makes me feel sick the thought of an abortion does too.

Tell him. And then talk to him about it. You aren't responsible on your own - you both made this baby.

Congratulations, by the way (That doesn't mean I think you have to be over the moon - you're allowed to feel whatever you want about the pregnancy!)

But don't try and shoulder this on your own. If he's a decent man he should be willing to share this with you.

@NotReadyForThisX2 I think its wrong for you to wait then TELL him what YOU want, talk to him your a partnership lean on each other and decide together.

Great @HJWT can we decide for him to be pregnant, give birth and breast feed the baby.

I need a idea about what I want to do. I'm not ready to tell him yet.

But why not? Surely you should be sharing this?

My issues aren't practical. I've gone through those, it's the first thing I did. We can afford it, we've got room (three bed house), we've got support from family.

I don't know if I'm ready! Physically, Mentally, emotionally, for another baby. I'm still breastfeeding and I'm still adjusting to being a mum to one. Nothing Dp could say will make my own feelings any clearer.

Posted before I finished:

I don't think knowing what he's prefer me to do, (as much as he might say it's up to me and he'll support me) will help me decide what I want.

Almost exactly this happened to me, my first was 6 months when I found out I was pregnant again. I was ebf and hadn't had a period either - first's birth was traumatic so we'd only had sex 4 times and I was pregnant.
Won't lie, I cried for weeks. I told him immediately not really sure where it'd go but he surprised me by hugging me and said if I wanted to continue the pregnancy we'd absolutely make it work if not he'd also support me.
Baby 2 is 1 in a few weeks and it's been amazing. The first three months were tough but we got through it, my second is much more easy going and slept early on I think because she had to fit in around a very demanding young toddler so just had to get on with it.
I wouldn't change it for the world, especially now they're playing together and love each other.
It's entirely down to you, do whatever you feel is best for you. Good luck

This is your life's partner, the baby is his and you are not discussing it with him. That is totally wrong. You must talk with him right now so you can both support each other. This is not a true partnership at all. You really need to rethink this.

@NotReadyForThisX2 how would you feel if your partner couldn't cope with the fact you kept this from him, flip it around and understand how you would feel if it was kept from you.

She found out today

Bit harsh.

OP take some time to let it sink in. Tell him when you're ready. I don't think many people would hold it against their partner for not telling them immediately. He will understand your conflict if he is a good guy.

Completely normal to want your own time to process this, it's come as a shock.... my dc is 3 and I'd be in a tizz if I found out I was pregnant again let alone had he still been 5 months old

Thank you @Dirtybadger and @Rojelio** .

I'll tell him, I just need to think about what I want before I hear what he wants. I'm sure he'll be supportive, but I'm guessing he'll lean one way or the other and right now I've no idea which I'd even prefer.
I'm going to get one of those tests tomorrow that tell you the weeks, so at least I'll have a better idea of how far I am.

Did you go back to work in between @hiphopapotamuses?

It also happened to me. Dd was 6 months old. We had sex once that month. I was absolutely gutted, I had only just got used to being a Mother and most certainly was nowhere even remotely near wanted another. I rang my dh and told him there was no way I could go through pregnancy again so soon and that I would have a termination.

Once the shock had settled I realised I did want another at some point and couldn't go through with an abortion. Timing was not great but here I was, pregnant. I spent 8 months in denial, just going through the motions of pregnancy. Ds was placed in my arms and I loved him straight away.

Can't say it was easy but then having a second is always tricky, leave it too long you've got to go back to the sleepless nights etc. They are now 14 & 15, I didn't have anymore dc so our family was complete very quickly. Needless to say I wouldn't change them for the world. They are amazing kids.

Don't rush, let it settle into your head op then make a decision.

@NotReadyForThisX2
Yep I went back, I actually shared parental leave with my partner so I went back after 6 months and worked up to 38 weeks. They were ok about it but my career did stall a bit. Just getting it back on track now

Tbh I'm with you OP. I'd decide what I wanted to do and then tell my OH.

That age gap isn't something I could have managed.

I'm taking a year off so I wouldn't even get back (or barely) before I was going off again. I'm not sure where that leaves me job wise, I doubt I'd get paid mat leave but would they have to keep a job open for me?

I don't think I can do it, I don't think I want to.

I understand you're in shock but I think you need to tell your partner. It's wrong to only tell him once you've made your mind up. This is his baby too. You run the risk of him no being able to get over you keeping it from him.

I had a scare recently (as in last week!) and was feeling exactly the same - really could not have another but also could not abort. That would have been a third though so a bit different.

Do remember that you'll have probably another eight months being a mother to one and if you have them this close together your first won't really remember a time when your second wasn't there so less room for jealously maybe?

I think there's pros and cons.