Unplanned second pregnancy, don't know how or if to tell Dp.

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Names changed as a few people in real life know my user name.

We have one Dc who's only 5 months. I'm ebf and not had a period yet and I've found out today I'm pregnant. I'm devastated, really not ready for another baby and I can't believe it, we've been using condoms every time we've had sex and with a tiny baby it's not like it's been often.

I've told Dp I'm not feeling too well so I'm hiding upstairs. I'm really not sure how he'll take it and I'm not sure what I even want to do, so don't know if I should say anything yet.
We've discussed having another in a very general way and he didn't seem overly bothered for another really and neither was I. Honestly I imagined us probably only having one, maybe two but definitely not this close.

I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess just because I can't talk to anyone in real life and I'm just trying to think things through and stop myself from crying.

@NotReadyForThisX2 so pleased you've both come to a decision. I know what a shock it is, but it's completely doable and there are a lot of positives to having a small age gap. Just give yourself some time to get your head around it. And congratulations!

Mine are 13 months apart. It was a shock to say the least.

It was hard for the later stage of pregnancy and the logistics were difficult sometimes in the early months but they’re really close now and days out are much easier with 2 the same age. Holidays are. I’ve because they have each other. I actually read a book whilst they played the year they were 5 and 6 😂

Thank you @funnystory. I just can't got through with a termination. I feel guilty thinking about and don't think I'd cope with that guilt after.

Dp seems quite happy and I'm sure I'll get there. You don't regret the babies you have, my grandma said that when I was pregnant with Ds.
My boss isn't going to be impressed though

Dsis found out she was pregnant when her baby was 3 months old. She was I'm shock and gutted at the time.

It was hard when they were young...childcare was expensive and it impacted on her career, but the DC have a great relationship and 18 years on it's a non issue.

She's never regretted it for a minute.

If you have support you'll be fine.

I must confess I did feel sorry for her at the time with 2 little ones and would make a quick exit when they both cried...but in fairness, I had my own baby as well.

Time flies and before you know it, they'll both be in school.🙂

I imagine I'll feel very sorry for myself at times @SandyY2K.
But one has been a lot easier than I imagined, so maybe two will be too. I don't have a career that's going to be hugely effected by the break. Can also work part time without a huge effect on progression too.

This will definitely be it though! He's not coming near me until there's no chance of anymore baby making.

Can also work part time without a huge effect on progression too

Yes, employers can be very flexible these days. I worked part time while my DC were in primary school. It meant I could always attend special assemblies and things during the day.

He's not coming near me until there's no chance of anymore baby making.

Well that would be right now then and for the remainder of your pregnancy,so i would make the most of it

He actually mentioned that @Smotheroffive. Well 'oh, we don't have to use condoms anymore now do we'

Can take quite a few months from referral to vasectomy (If going NHS, sometimes decent wait for private ones too) by the way OP so it might actually be a good idea to sort sooner rather than later. Especially as whilst it is less likely, lots of women still get pregnant quite quickly after birth (including those breastfeeding).

Good luck OP

He wouldn't want to do it until after the baby is born, incase something goes wrong @Dirtybadger.
That sounds a bit horrible I know, but I get what he means.

I think in reality I'll go on the mini pill straight after this baby and we'll use condoms until he gets it done and he's had the all clear from the samples.

He could go ahead with the snip and be all done by the time you give birth.

Fair enough. He could plan it for after the birth. I mean if he waits to look into it until baby is born if his doctor is anything like around here it could be 4 weeks for an appointment, followered by a 2-6 month wait (I think some areas are worse than this) for the actual snip.

I understand he's probably not super motivated right at this moment. Or probably at any moment....

He is looking into it to be fair @Dirtybadger. But then I'm not sure if that's just his initial panic because we're going through this.

Yes quite a lot of things to be practically sorting at once without this.
Best of luck and health.

After our 'surprise', we were advised to leave a vasectomy until the new baby was 12 months old - which we did, but by then DH was hammering on the door of the clinic!

Hope you have a good pregnancy.

Op, I'm so glad you've come to a decision. I didn't want to say too much earlier in the thread.

I have a year and ten days between my two. They have just had their birthdays and at one and two are absolutely cracking. Every morning I shut myself in the kitchen for ten minutes with the stair gate and tidy up. We're really in the swing of things. They are also both starting to sleep through now when my friends are only just thinking about pregnancy now.

When ds2 was born, DH took over ds1 night wakes. It's worked brilliantly and we've now switched children to night weaned ds2.

Divide and conquer is the way.

What area do you live?

Feel free to pm if you fancy a chat

Thank you @Prusik. I may end up messaging you a list of questions. We're in West Yorkshire.

Still just trying to get my head round it. I've read that second pregnancies so soon can be a risk, which got me a little worried. I've started taking some pregnancy vitamins and I'm hoping that with youth and general good health, diet, fitness etc on my side, I should be ok.
Phoned for a gp appointment and the earliest I can get is in 2 weeks. Going to see if I can book a private early scan but a lot say they can't scan under 6 weeks, but I don't know if I am or not.

I should probably just try relax and see what the doctor says in a few weeks. I can't be much more than the three weeks, I'm sure (hopefully) and waiting isn't going to change anything.

Dp sent me a link to this earlier saying 'they do it in 0-6 mths, so we can't be the only ones'.

No, you're definitely not alone I know of friends that have two within the same year.

I didn't ever realise it was a concern though
That is worth looking into to make sure you'll both be ok.

Your DP sounds like a good guy!

There's links increased chance of low birth weight and premature birth @Smotheroffive. But then like Dp says that will account for families without maybe the best prenatal care/diet etc. Risk of anaemia too as apparently iron levels can be low.
Dp took my phone away so I'd stop worrying myself 😂

He's pretty great @Happynow001. A bit braggy that he's got some kind of super sperm or something. But he's great!

@NotReadyForThisX2 do you need to have a GP appointment? In my area you book in directly with the midwife.
The '3+' on a clear blue test means you're 5+ weeks pregnant, so if you booked a private scan for next week, they'd be able to do it. That would give you a better idea of your dates as well! I'm sure the NHS would offer you a dating scan before 12 weeks though, given that you've not had a period to go by, they wouldn't want to book your 12 week one in for the wrong time.
Good luck!

Dp sent me a link to this earlier saying 'they do it in 0-6 mths, so we can't be the only ones

That's brilliant! Love it!

You'll be fine, mine are close in age it's great!

The one and only time Dh and I decided to dtd after having ds1, I fell pregnant. It's bloody terrifying. You know what though, my boys have been in bed since 12.30 and it's now 14.44. there are advantages, I promise you. A two year old will be a lot more jealous than a one year old.

My second was born at 37 weeks and has had zero health problems. There are always statistics