Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

Hi OP. Just popping in to let you know how this situation goes! I was in this position, however was 7 weeks instead. Didn’t want to terminate, but my dp was adamant about it. I cried constantly, he didn’t care. I went to bpas twice before deciding to go through with it, but was told I couldn’t go the medical route due to my asthma, and would also have to do surgical with no anaesthetic, no blockers, nothing. I had the procedure with nothing but gas and air. I could see it happening in the mirrored lights above me. I remember being in agony and screaming for them to stop, that I didn’t want this to happen, etc. Nothing more heartbreaking than realising you’re too late. My dp turned so kind after, felt like a different person. Promised to marry me, etc. A month later he cheated on me and ghosted me.

I have never regretted anything more. Please please please do not make this choice for a man. They are not worth it. I now have diagnosed PTSD, I have panic attacks when going for gynae check ups, I have huge anxiety about possible infertility etc. It is a traumatic experience and if you don’t want to do it do not let anyone put you in that situation.

Hope you’re okay x

Simple questions - How did you cope with 5 alone?
How did you manage when you were pregnant before or the dc were babies? Was he hands on and or did you do most alone?
Can you financially cope with 6 or 5 alone? Either outcome you or he may decide to break up.
You mental health is very important, but you have to also consider how having a new born and 5 dc with affect that too, plus the mh of the dc.

I may get a lot of backlash for this but I really don't think we have a full enough picture to be able to support you either way?
In his defence making and raising a baby is a two way thing and why should he have to support another child if you both agreed you wouldn't have any more? Does he financially support the whole family already? Was he expecting you to go back to work to support your existing children and now this has thrown this out the window?
Maybe he is under a lot of pressure financially already supporting a large family? Maybe he was looking forward to moving away from the sleepless nights and nappies stage and now he's got to do it all again?

Thanks everyone

@LineEyesForever 😢 I'm so sorry you went through that.. it's awful 😢 disgusting man!!! I really hope and wish you well. These men don't seem to care what they do.

Any man who thinks it's OK to pressure and blackmail his wife isn't worth a damn. He's a complete and utter bastard who hasn't a clue of the possible consequences of having a termination so late. But that's OK because he doesn't have to go through with it!

Listen, he's fucked off before and now I suspect he's looking for a plausible excuse to fuck off again without having to be the bad guy to everyone outside your marriage.

Raising six kids isn't a million miles away from raising five, it really, really isn't.

And just think on this: the amount of child-support he's going to have to pay you would likely be crippling. Serves the bastard right!

If you're worried about your safety with this man and the safety of your children, then you should contact Women's Aid without delay.

As above please contact women's aid if you are concerned for your safety.
And contact your GP ASAP for antenatal support. There are a lot of people who can and will help you.

As I said on your other thread tell him to go fuck himself.

You can't rely on him anyway, he's already run out on you once.

Thanks everyone
I really want to keep it. He said I'm stupid and that he would have nothing to do with the baby or support the baby if I keep it but it's something I will have to live with. He said I will have to explain to the baby when it's older why it doesn't have a dad. Even if it came to it that I couldn't cope ( which I know I can) then there is also adoption. But my mind won't allow me to go onto an operating table and have a 13-14 week old featus torn from me. Obviously if there was medical problems that would affect the baby at birth I would but I've not stopped thinking about it and don't think I could live with it. I feel sorry for the baby just thinking of it and then for it to be dumped like rubbish I can't deal with that

Why it won't have a dad is easy because he is too selfish to step up and be one.

His choice to leave or have nothing to do with this child is 100% down to him not you.

Good for you OP, get rid of this man, you'll feel a whole ton better

I have to ask, did you intend to get pregnant this time, and did you discuss it with him? While I agree that he can't disown it, I can also see his frustration if he thinks you made the decision to get pregnant either deliberately or 'by accident'.

I'm a great believer in shared responsibility for families, which doesn't seem to be happening here.

Explain why there’s no dad?!! Hope he thinks about that for a minute... oh your dad refused to stick around because I didn’t abort you/ your baby sister. Nice look , dad, way to impress the kids.

Does he really want you to explain why there's no dad? He sounds as thick as pig shit.

You’ve been asked about the contraception situation 5 times and ignored it. Did you tell him you were on the pill? Have you ever had a “let’s have a sixth baby” discussion or a “what would happen if?” discussion. It is your body and clearly the father of your child has no choice (apparently) in whether you keep the baby that you both made but he might as well go. You know you’ll be a single mother, he had five babies with you already - let him go and get on with it. He can send the child maintenance and you can have your sixth baby. You have your choice; keep your baby and be a perfectly happy single mum. I don’t see what else there is to say?

Awww , 52faster, aren't you adorable?

You will be so much better off without him. He's 'telling' you this and that. Soon, his word won't count and you'll be free to think and do what you like.

Don't have sex with him when he's the ex (many of us do/did ) so he can't start another baby with you.

He a actually sounds like a twat.

What age are the other kids ?

Sorry if this has been said already but if he didn't want anymore children, why in heavens name didn't he have a vasectomy?? You both do realise this could happen again and again don't you? You are clearly very fertile. He needs to take responsibility rather than just dumping his seed in you and then demanding that you go through with abortions.

And he can't 'disown' anyone. He will be financially responsible regardless of what he thinks.

tell him it will be a shame to tell the child it's dad didn't want anything to do with him/her, but it's a conversation you know you'll have to have sooner or later.
You'll be better off without him, I bet he doesn't even go though, he sounds all hot air.

I didn't tell him I was on the pill and lie, I wasn't on the pill, I can't take the pill because I have SVT to do with my heart and last time I was on the pill some years ago it aggravated it so was too scared to take anymore hormonal contraceptives.

Regardless of the way I got pregnant he doesn't deserve sympathy. He left me, started a new relationship that didn't work out and came back to me. I took him back so my kids could have a proper family and he said he didn't want to be away from me in the end.

I’m so glad you have decided to keep your baby! So many babies struggle to reach the stage your baby has clung onto life for. That little one is yours and a part of you, all they need is you, you are clearly already an amazing Mummy! Tell your ‘h’ to fuck off with his emotional manipulation! Your baby will thank you for giving them life, it will reflect badly only on your ex!

I am wondering if perhaps his head has been turned elsewhere and he sees your pregnancy as a barrier to leaving, as he will look like a total wanker for leaving you, pregnant with his five children to look after. Well he is a total wanker and I would let your family and his know the reason that you are splitting!

Cross posted yes it seems I may be right.

What ages are the other kids? Why dont you drive? What are his practical objections? What will the impact on the other kids really be?

Clearly your choice, your body etc but your choice or language is very emotive.