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Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 12:23

Thank you everyone

I would keep this baby and be happy to keep this baby if I had his support, I didn't even consider a termination once until he told me to have one.

I understand it will be hard with 6 children in a lot of ways, that's all he's thinking about. I told him about the impact it will have on my mental health and that the procedure whisk be difficult for me being this far and he said he doesn't care, anything's better than another baby

I don't want to say to much but he left me for a few months last year because he wasn't happy and came back and asked to make a go of it. Now this

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 04/03/2019 12:23

I sadly think one of you will be ending the relationship soon. Such an emotive subject.

Your call here. Good luck Flowers

NabooThatsWho · 04/03/2019 12:24

Whether you have the abortion or not, it sounds like the relationship may come to end.

How do you feel about raising another child? The impact it will have on your current children?

Really think about what is best for you and your family. If you think you can manage going it alone, then let him leave.

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/03/2019 12:40

OP I would absolutely ditch the bastard and have that baby. Imagine saying he didn't care about your mental health and well-being? What an actual arsehole. Why do you want to stay with him? He's telling you who he is! Believe him!

LizB62A · 04/03/2019 12:42

If you don't have the abortion, he said he's going to leave.
If you DO have the abortion, could you stay with him? I doubt you'll forgive him for forcing you to have an abortion....

I think your relationship is probably over either way....

Eatmycheese · 04/03/2019 13:45

If you feel like you would like to keep this baby then whatever you do don’t have a termination, he sounds like a selfish, unreliable boy to be honest.
He’s gone before, he will go again if not now over this baby then again. If he left you with five children and you managed then be very proud of yourself and know that you can do it again. A new baby is hard work but they also bring a lot of joy and hope. This man doesn’t.

Why don’t you take charge of your future and do what you want?

Honestly, I would tell him to fuck off and never darken my door again with his wanton selfishness.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 14:21

I've now changed my consultation to a phone one for tomorrow then they will book me in for the treatment. Not sure how long it takes from a phone consult to actual treatment but I will have that space in between I suppose incase I change my mind. The prospect of coping with 6 kids alone scares me, although I know I'd cope and get by. The thought of a late abortion scares me. And I know I'll hate that man for the rest of my life from now on.

OP posts:
PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 14:29

What a total cunt he is. He's just looking for an excuse to leave again. He'll find another one after you have an abortion you don't want. Bet he expected you to be responsible for birth control, too. He's a twat. Do NOT have a termination you do not want.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/03/2019 14:36

Kick him out, and keep your baby OP, he left you before and you coped, you will cope again Flowers

FizzyGreenWater · 04/03/2019 15:11

What on earth?!

Don't have a termination. What on earth is the point of doing what you don't want to do, to keep happy a man you'll then hate and split with anyway?!

YOU will be the one living with the aftermath of this, because he won't care. And you'll hate him even more for that.

YOU will be the one taking main responsibility for five children anyway, because he's already shown he's the type to bail.

I'd rather have the 'extra thing' I cope with being the sixth baby rather than regret and hatred. Because you'll be doing it alone anyway!

The worst thing is, if you refuse and hold your ground, he'll stay anyway, you know that? He's already left and come back as the grass wasn't greener. If the grass isn't greener with 5 kids it won't be with a 6th. He's just trying to intimidate you into the abortion to make his life easier, but if you refuse, he'll still be there like a bad smell as you're still his best option.

Don't do it. Tell him to fuck off.

FizzyGreenWater · 04/03/2019 15:13

Or rather, laugh and tell him it's happening, he's got the same choice to stay or go that he had last year, you managed then, you'll manage now, he'd better watch that he makes the right decision this time because pretty soon the door will shut on his ass for good. Abortion? Fuck off. Take us or leave us but don't think you're calling the shots here with a family you've already walked out on once!

regularbutpanickingabit · 04/03/2019 15:21

OK, I seem to be the only one to ask this but are the reasons he wants you to abort because of tough but practical reasons or because he's an idiot?

Six children is a lot of kids and I imagine that will impact on space, cost of living, car space etc? If he is just unreliable and doesn't care about your mental health then that's one thing. But CAN you cope mentally and physically with another pregnancy and child? Not the infant years, I mean supporting another child with or without him?

Take the time to be honest with yourself about all the pros and cons of both sides of the decision. Take him out of the equation first. Then add him back in.

Don't make a knee-jerk decision either way or feel pressured either way. Just be realistic and honest.

HappyJustToBe · 04/03/2019 15:23

It's not just a choice between terminate and continue your relationship or have him leave you and continue with the pregnancy.

There is a third choice of abortion and leaving him. You sound like you would be better off without him whatever your decision with your pregnancy.

HoustonBess · 04/03/2019 15:26

I think you need to decide if you want to bring up six kids without him or five kids without him, to be honest. I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who treated me like that.

As to whether to continue the pregnancy, that's your decision. Take his lack of support into account but it's up to you.

Didiusfalco · 04/03/2019 15:29

Honestly, don’t have an abortion for him. If he’s that ready to walk out on you, he will walk on you for some other reason down the line even if you go through with this.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 15:30

@regularbutpanickingabit all the reasons for abortion he has is due to practical reasons and we wouldn't be able to do certain things with another baby. He doesn't care about how I feel or the procedure I will have to go through as long as he doesn't have to deal with another baby.

OP posts:
Flamingosnbears · 04/03/2019 15:34

He needs a reality check op it takes two at the end of the day. You do what feels right to you and your body you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Perfectlyimperfectineveryway · 04/03/2019 15:38

Oh my god please please please ignore what he is saying he is abusing you by saying this. You can do this on your own if you need too you know you can. Don't let him push you into anything it's your choice.

CaseofEllen · 04/03/2019 15:41

OP if YOU want an abortion then fine, have one but don't be pressured into it by him! At the end of the day it sounds like you won't be with him (happily at least) anymore.

It takes two to make a baby, you'd think after 5 he'd know this already! But sounds like he needs reminding.

Good luck to you OP x

Rtmhwales · 04/03/2019 16:21

No matter what you decide, I think you should tell him he needs to get a vasectomy.

I can see both your sides, though, honestly. I assume with five DC already, you're a SAHM and he's the one working? If I'm wrong, it's less understandable but I can imagine it's stressful having another mouth to feed, a body to clothe, etc.

Everyone can say "if he didn't want another baby, don't have sex" and while I agree in the sense they should've used condoms or had a more permanent type of birth control, people are flawed. It happens. Very rarely do posters harp on the mother of an accidental pregnancy if she's decided after the fact she wants it. It's okay for either party to not want an additional child.

However, it sounds like he was going to be out either way. So like someone else said, maybe you'll just have to resign yourself to being a single mum with five kids, or one with six kids.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 16:31

I was thinking to go pay for a scan, not an abortion one, I mean like a dating scan before I consider any abortion procedure. Not sure whether that will make it worse or better for me ?

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 16:37

To be honest what makes it worse is how cold and unsupportive he is. He shouted at me how much suffering we would endure and all this, proper snapping at me even When I suggest we sit down and talk about it before making any big decisions. He doesn't want to hear it.

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 04/03/2019 16:40

The only time he can demand an abortion is when he is pregnant

100000% your decision
However if you choose the baby over him I reckon you’ll look back in a few years and know you made the right decision

Good luck op

TildaTurnip · 04/03/2019 16:43

He has no right to tell you what to do. If you do not want to do it and then do it, you will be dealing with a lot of emotion and 5 children on your own anyway. There is no way I could stay with a man like this.

ABC1234DEF · 04/03/2019 16:44

What's your current situation? Housing, work etc. 6 children is a lot and a significant cost (eg would you need a bigger house? A new car? A seater car wouldn't be any good to get everyone in any more with a 6th child), I think a lot of people would be thrown by an unplanned 6th baby, particularly if they're the one picking up the majority of the financial burden. What was the contraception situation between the two of you? Had you ever discussed a vasectomy? (ie were his feelings about not wanting another child discussed at any time?)

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