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Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
DPotter · 04/03/2019 16:50

Sounds like he has said some stuff that can't be un-said and consequently you have lost all trust in him. I really feel for you - your potential loosing 2 relationships - your marriage and your unborn child.

I'm so sorry but I think you have to assume that whatever you decide to do regarding the pregnancy, your relationship with him is unlikely to survive.

I get this feeling from your posts that you're not really in the right frame of mind to make the decision to abort. Certainly I would feel less likely to abort if I had seen the pregnancy on a scan, as it would bring the whole situation literally right before your eyes.
At the end of the day - it is totally you're decision. I wouldn't judge you either way, but don't count on him being there for much longer to help you with 5, even if you have the abortion. Worth asking him how he is going to face his family and friends when they find out the reason he is leaving you is that you have refused to abort his child.

Happynow001 · 04/03/2019 16:51

Hi OP. I'm unsure if you've given this information and I've missed it but:

A. What ages are yo children?
B. Do you work outside the home or are you a SAHM?
C. Have you spoken to anyone or researched how you'd cope financially he left? Eg CAB (Citizens Advice) or the Online benefits calculators (including child maintenance from him) entitledto.co.uk and the child maintenance calculator on www.gov.uk

Getting information about how you'd cope without him if or when that happens will bring some clarity around what your options are.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/03/2019 16:54

OP why is this HIS decision ?

Nesssie · 04/03/2019 16:59

Either -
Keep baby and leave him.
Have a termination and leave him.

Whatever you choose, leave him. 6 kids is a lot and he's allowed to have reservations but giving you an ultimatum is out of line.

Hazlenutpie · 04/03/2019 17:11

How heartbreaking for you OP. Only have a termination if that's what you think is best for YOU.

I agree that you have two choices. Keep your baby and end your relationship, or have a termination and end your relationship.

I'm so sorry you're going through this dreadful time. Flowers

Dirtybadger · 04/03/2019 17:17

I work for a charity who provide abortions. I don't know which provider you're going with but you probably won't go from a phone consultation to treatment as you'll be having a surgical termination. It's likely you'll have a scan appointment in between.

In any case as part of the legal process you will be asked if you are sure of your decision and your reasons for termination. If you aren't sure, and your reason is coersion then they (quite rightly) Can't complete your consultation.

It's likely whoever is providing you with the termination offer free counselling services as most of the main providers do. You don't have to go ahead with the treatment to get it free. Or to have an appointment booked. And they often can do it over the phone. Perhaps it might help. You can talk about things not directly related to the decision (ie wider relationship issues).

Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 17:25

@Dirtybadger I was told the medical procedure was available for my stage of pregnancy. I going to be going with Marie stopes

OP posts:
ReallyReallyNo · 04/03/2019 17:25

Tell him to fuck off and leave then nasty little bully that he is. Yes it will be hard with six on your own but you’ll get in to routine and will manage as you get in to the swing of it.
If you terminate you will regret it for the rest of your life and will end up leaving him anyway and left with 5, one more won’t make a difference after you’re through the first few months.
How old are your children? Do you have family who will be supportive?

Dirtybadger · 04/03/2019 17:31

Marie Stopes cut off for medical is 9+3 and they definitely do surgical treatment only after a separate scan appointment on a different day. I know this is all somewhat besides the point, but just so you are aware.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 04/03/2019 17:32

I do think the practical reasons need looking into.
It's ridiculously naive to think that raising 6 children is going to be easy.

What's your housing like?
What's your income?
What are the ages of the other children?

I don't think he is automatically a bad person for saying he doesn't want this to happen.
You want him to consider your MH for getting rid. But what about his if it stays?

Original poster
inthedarkx · 04/03/2019 17:34

@Dirtybadger I assumed I could have the late medical. I really really don't want surgery. That terrifies me !!!
I even called several times and checked

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 04/03/2019 17:37

Well he’d have to have them 50/50 and you’d get some free time to rest and catch up on house work

Camellia5 · 04/03/2019 17:37

He sounds like the type of man who will just up and leave you someday anyway OP, regardless of you terminating this pregnancy or not.

If you do go ahead with the abortion, you're looking at being a single mum of 5 anyway. I hope he knows that? Your relationship is finished now anyway.
He is not a supportive, loving husband.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 04/03/2019 17:39

@GreenTulips No he wouldn't. He's not obliged to take them at all.
That would be the ultimate twatish thing to do but OP could be left completely alone with all the children all the time.

Biancadelrioisback · 04/03/2019 17:49

If you already hate him and will leave him, why let him dictate your abortion? The way I see it

A) you have an abortion, your relationship breaks down, you leave him, you resent him, you hate yourself and always feel regret

B) you don't have an abortion, your relationship breaks down, he leaves you, you resent him for forcing the ultimatum, you have a baby whom you love.

How old are your other kids btw? You'll already have all the baby stuff and clothes?

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/03/2019 17:53

The fact he said what he said and the light switch has gone off. I doubt you are going to go back to playing happy families so as someone said upthread your choices are

Dump him and terminate
Or
Dump him and have the baby

ReaganSomerset · 04/03/2019 17:55

It sounds to me, from what you're saying, like for you the relationship is over anyway. So make your decision based on the idea of being a single parent to five vs six.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 04/03/2019 17:56

Do you want this baby?

Can you cope with another baby? Mentally,physically and financially?

Don't make a decision because he's being a dick..either to abort or keep. Think about what you want and can realistically manage.

If it were me,I'd probably abort and dump him.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/03/2019 17:57

Your relationship is dead now anyway. I can’t think how you would still be able to love this man.

Now decide if you would like this baby.

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 17:59

Well he’d have to have them 50/50 and you’d get some free time to rest and catch up on house work

No, he doesn't have to have them at all and this type of man won't.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 04/03/2019 18:00

Unless YOU want a termination you will be making a big mistake to go through with it. Trust me this will not end well if you feel pressured into a decision. Millions of people are single parents and manage very well. He is a cruel man to try and force your hand here.💐

poppingoff · 04/03/2019 18:10

If you keep the baby and he leaves, what do you think his relationship will be with the baby?

Would he maintain contact with them all, or just the first five?

woollyheart · 04/03/2019 18:13

Has he ever said before that he didn't want the family to get any bigger?

It is perfectly acceptable for him to say 6 children is enough. But before he starts talking about abortions he should be looking at having a vasectomy.

ABC1234DEF · 04/03/2019 18:52

No, he doesn't have to have them at all and this type of man won't

I think this is a little harsh, we only have what the OP has said, to go on.

OP hasn't given any details about previous discussions, contraception, housing or financial situation despite being asked several times. For all we know, this guy may be busting a gut working long hours to keep his wife (does she work or is she a SAHM?), living in an overcrowded 2 bedroom house and said 3 children ago that he didn't want any more. Equally the reverse could be true, we don't know, so we can't really lambast him just yet.

wheresthehope · 04/03/2019 19:23

OP your DH is on his way out of this relationship ...it is only a matter of time. Don't let him bully you!
You could always look to place your baby up for adoption if you thought that was an option.

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