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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
Vanillelle · 06/08/2019 06:43

God OP, your ex is so awful. I'm so sorry you have to deal with him.

But CONGRATULATIONS on your baby! Lovely news - hope you and she are enjoying some newborn cuddles now Thanks

beenwhereyouare · 06/08/2019 07:08

Congratulations! 💜

MamaOfBothTeams · 06/08/2019 07:45

Congratulations op Thanks

Weenurse · 06/08/2019 14:18

Congratulations 💐

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 06/08/2019 14:57

Congratulations Mama! I am so glad you had your sister with you!
Nova -Belle is such a beautiful name! Congratulations on your beautiful little Princess- welcome to the world Nova-Belle! Wishing your Princess a lifetime of love, laughter and good health!

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 07/08/2019 05:45

Congratulations. What a beautiful name for a baby girl.

GertrudeCB · 07/08/2019 06:17

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your beautiful baby girl Flowers

BlueEyedBengal · 20/08/2019 19:11

Just looked and see your little blessing has arrived wish you and yours a great future and she's so lucky she's yours as you fort for her and put her first. Thats a sign of a mama bear and no one loves and protects like a mama bear does. Wonderful name you have given her to.BearThanks

beenwhereyouare · 20/08/2019 19:56

@inthedarkx

How are you and Nova-belle? Just wanted to make sure you and all the children are all doing well. Xx

purplebutterfly90 · 20/08/2019 21:19

Congratulations OP! You are such a strong women. I've read the whole thread and you have done tremendously well. Sending love to you and your littles one!Thanks

WhoKnewBeefStew · 22/08/2019 19:46

Congratulations Flowers

MulticolourMophead · 22/08/2019 20:46

Congratulations! Thanks

Original poster
inthedarkx · 30/10/2019 17:00

Hiya everyone.

So I thought things were going ok, and that I was finally moving on. Me and And him agreed that he would give me £100 a month as well as him buying the kids coats and shoes that they need which isn't perfect but I agreed and I decided to tighten my finances instead of fighting for more from him. Then because he said he couldn't have the kids for set days o said ok pick two days every week where you see them and then stick to it but if my life changes then I can't guarantee I can stick to his arrangement for ever. Things were ok until the other day he text me saying ' i have been thinking a lot and if you wasn't so aggressive I would have given you a chance in the future'
By aggressive he means me standing up for myself he calls it aggression.

The he goes on to say that he will buy a house and i will live in it with the kids and I will pay him rent and that it will be better for me and the kids to live in a nice house

I told him sorry that's never going to happen and that I will never live in his house when we are not a couple anymore.
He said it doesn't matter and i can still live on his house for a better life even though he's got a gf it shouldn't matter and that he will never get back with me coz look at the state of me !!
( not that I care)

So I said no sorry

Then the other day he told me he will stop giving me the £100 a month and 'help when he can' because he's saving to buy a house and if I ask money from him then that means I'm spoiling his plans like I 'always do'
I've told him ok, I will now expect set days for the kids now and I won't be lenient with him. Things were ok and I was trying to move on until he does this.
I thought things were finally ok.

I really want to move because I'm scared that when he gets his house he will force me to move in it by using the kids and guilt tripping me. The council won't help me because he's not physically abusive
So that's me back to square one!!

OP posts:
pointythings · 30/10/2019 17:14

If he stops giving you money you involve the CMS. You have nothing to lose with this man. He doesn't care for you or for his children. You need to stop thinking of him as someone you can trust - he isn't.

In terms of moving on, you need to move on emotionally and that means detaching from him. It isn't going to be easy, but it will give you the strength you need to build your new life with your children.

I'm sorry he is staying so true to form. Flowers

Interestedwoman · 30/10/2019 17:15

I'm a newish Mumsnetter and so this is the first time I've seen the thread. Belated congratulations! Well done for not letting him make you have a termination. He can't make you move, either. xx

Drabarni · 30/10/2019 17:22

Congratulations, so glad for you.
Just ignore him for now, get a claim in for cms and court for access, he'll only mess you around.

nomoreclue · 30/10/2019 17:29

Why aren’t you claiming CMS? If he’s got enough money to save for a house then he’s got enough
money to pay for his kids. Go through CMS and stop talking to him!

Wheat2Harvest · 30/10/2019 17:35

Does his attitude reflect the situation re contraception? For example (not saying this is your situation), if a woman wanted another baby and told her husband she was using contraception and wasn't then of course he is likely to be angry, especially if a couple are already struggling to make ends meet.

I accept that you don't want to go into details but I do wonder what the details are.

0SometimesIWonder · 30/10/2019 17:42

Op why are you being so nice to him ?
Go straight to CMS and make him support his children. You owe him nothing. You owe your kids a decent, warm home and food in their bellies.

FabbyChix · 30/10/2019 17:43

Use the csa why are you letting him away with this shit he is abusing you and you aren’t even together

Uponreflection · 30/10/2019 17:45

What does he earn? Surely he should be giving you more than £100pm for six children?

Quartz2208 · 30/10/2019 17:46

Claim Cms and go via court

readitandwept · 30/10/2019 17:48

£100 a month for SIX kids?!

This guy's on a whole other planet. Have you any idea what he earns? (I've read the thread when i started. Maybe this was covered already).

Please, please get on to the CMS and get this idiot dealt with.

Bellringer · 30/10/2019 18:10

Bin him off
Then decide what is good for you and your existing children
Don't be bullied

Bellringer · 30/10/2019 18:15

X post with your update. Congratulations. Just concentrate on you and dc. He has been emotionally and financially abusing you. Get advice, women's aid, solicitor and leave him behind. Good luck