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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
Dragonlight · 28/04/2019 13:03

Op please get in touch with a DV service, they can help and support you. Police too if he's threatening you.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 28/04/2019 13:09

I think I'll call the non emergency police number for advice. He's using every tactic he can to stay living in this house. Don't want him. He said to me 'let's see how well you bring up the kids full time, I'll hardly be around and they'll get primark trainers'
He's using every tactic in the book. I'm not interested.

OP posts:
user1498854363 · 28/04/2019 13:17

Op, just wanted to say please speak to DV advisors, women’s Aid, your Mum, housing, legal advice. Get advice and help. That shows you are able to take care of your kids. Everyone needs help at some point.
You have done nothing wrong.
Sending 💐💐

GoJetterGirl · 28/04/2019 14:03

I'll hardly be around and they'll get primark trainers

Wtf? No child I know ever died of neglect from wearing Primarni.... 😂

Tell him to Fuck off to the far side of fuck, you can forcefully evict him, if you don’t feel safe (key phrase there OP) the pice can help you get an emergency restraining order so he can’t remain living in the property, he can go shack up with his fancy woman, if he tries to take stuff from the house, it will be views by SS as depriving the children of basic needs (kitchen to be able to eat etc)

Call them now OP, show them you’re being proactive in protecting yourself and your DC

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/04/2019 17:44

I'll hardly be around and they'll get primark trainers

Nothing wrong with Primark trainers.

Seems like a great idea.

Singlenotsingle · 29/04/2019 12:21

It's criminal damage to rip your kitchen out, whether the house is rented or you're buying it. Tell him if he comes to do damage and remove furniture, you'll call the police.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 29/04/2019 20:39

Thanks everyone. I got a call from children's services today by phone call. I explained the situation and they said they are happy with what I've said and can see I'm a good mum and reassured that I've never had social service involvement before but they said I need to ring the police if he tries to do anything threatening.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 29/04/2019 21:29

I'll hardly be around and they'll get primark trainers

Win/win then 🤷🏻‍♀️

thequeenoftarts · 30/04/2019 00:12

I'll hardly be around and they'll get primark trainers

Is that a promise or a threat ffs, best thing you will ever do is pack his bags, change the locks and fuck him off to hell and high waters.
You have proof saying he is going, he cant take any of the marital assets from the family home before a divorce.

As for changing the locks, you lost your keys and had to get the locks changed. I know its underhand BUT he is a head wrecker and nasty

Original poster
inthedarkx · 02/05/2019 10:09

I'm so depressed today. She told me a lot of things that have upset me. How they were planning a family together, to get a mortgage and the likes. Yet he came back living with us pretending all this time. Once was with me, next he wasn't, her still living under This roof and taking her kids on holidays whilst I was left with his kids. Is it fair for me to say that leaving your wife and 5 kids for a woman you met in tinder is so wrong ? He's making it out like I deserved it or that it's justified!
She's so much about how much he 'wanted her' a lot of it is very painful to see, but I need to get over it.

Just hope this pregnancy Goes well, I will have regular scans now but I'm anxious to get through every week possible

OP posts:
Thatdilemma · 02/05/2019 10:58

Look op.
I've just read all of this thread in one go. Nothing I've read would make me stay with this loser even if I had had an abortion and decided it was the best thing to do.

He's now being even more abusive, he's planning on staying as long as possible to punish you.
He can't stay there. Emotional abuse is now a crime in the way physical abuse is. He needs to be removed from the house even if that means with the police.
He can't just empty the house and tbh any man that would do that meaning the kids he so called does love suffer or pay no money so they suffer is not a man who really loves the existing kids.

Kids don't give a shit about Primark trainers. Most of DDs friends wear tons of Primark, why? Because they've realised that they can buy ten outfits for the price of a top and jeans at somewhere like Hollister. Besides I've just picked up designer trainers in the clearance at TK Max for £6!

Dullardmullard · 02/05/2019 12:43

Are you still with him as in he’s still in the house.

You need to block the OW now for your mental health and disengage from your STBEXH.

Stop giving them head space ffs

SandyY2K · 02/05/2019 13:05

When you have your baby and things have settled down...when you're seperated and away from this useless man, do consider reading some self help material if you get the time, which I know will not be easy as a single parent of 6 kids.

I would have suggested therapy, but I realise that may be even more difficult for you, both financially and time wise.

You're beaten down with such low self worth and low value of yourself.

You need to find out why that is. Nasty people like your H, continue to be nasty because they see a weakness in the person they mistreat.

Figure out your weaknesses and don't allow him or any other man to treat you like crap. Tbh your H sounds mentally unstable.

foreverhanging · 02/05/2019 13:36

'See ya later mate were off to primark to get some lovely trainers'

What an actual knob head.

foreverhanging · 02/05/2019 13:36

We're*

DulciUke · 02/05/2019 16:02

Hi OP. You really, really need to stop talking to that goady other woman. If you do get in that situation again, tell her that he's threatened to drop/ignore his current children, he's a terrible father and that she's welcome to him. Also, he'll be ignoring her kids in a few years when he's moved on to someone else.

SaskiaRembrandt · 02/05/2019 16:26

I'm so depressed today. She told me a lot of things that have upset me. How they were planning a family together, to get a mortgage and the likes. Yet he came back living with us pretending all this time.

Yes, and it won't be long before he does the same to her. Trust me, OP, he absolutely will. Once she's pregnant the whole cycle will repeat. He'll find yet another woman to spin a sob story to, and the now OW will find herself in the same position you are now. Don't let what she is saying get you down, feel sorry for her because you now have a way out, for her it is all just starting.

SaskiaRembrandt · 02/05/2019 16:28

And if he is still threatening to empty to house call the police, he can't leave your children without furniture and fixtures.

PaddyMcGintysGoatee · 02/05/2019 18:50

OP, I’ve RTFT and I’m horrified by your husband’s behaviour. I hope you get rid of him soon and settle down to a nice life with your kids.

I hope your pregnancy is going well 💐

Original poster
inthedarkx · 05/05/2019 11:26

Thanks everyone

I know now he was using me all along.
I'm upset because this woman had taken pictures of my son on her phone whilst on a day out with my husband and my son ( I didn't even know about this day out)
She sent me these pictures when I confronted her about what she said about me
Am I entitled to be upset that she took pictures of my son on HER phone. She didn't even know my son, she met him once.

OP posts:
poppingoff · 05/05/2019 11:33

If you're upset, you're upset. You don't need anyone's permission to be, and I completely understand why you are.

But you are focusing on irrelevant details here. What are you actually doing about separating your life from this guy? Time is ticking on and this must be extremely confusing for children.

SandyY2K · 05/05/2019 17:49

Of course you can be upset....but be upset with him...he's brought an OW into your lives.

Grumpelstilskin · 05/05/2019 18:35

Block the OW, you need to focus on yourself and your kids. She sounds toxic too and seems to relish in hurting you more with details. She should be auditionning on some daytime crap TV show. Her motives for 'sharing' all of these horrendous details are not noble or innocent. Apparently, she actually wants this guy and is trying to hurt you in the process. Leave him to her. He seems to want both women fighting over him. Establish some firm boundaries, I would change all locks, add safe bolts and call the police if he does try to enter. You got plenty of abusive messages and what very much amounts to threats, so you can show the police. No need to try to play nice'! Time to really put yourself first. Take back control!

Original poster
inthedarkx · 05/05/2019 19:26

Thanks everyone

Does anyone know if you can actually report emotional abuse to the police? I don't think he should get away with this. He was even trying to get me to buy a house with him. It didn't work out of course but all this abuse has tortured me mentally. Why should he get away with this!!!

OP posts:
Dullardmullard · 05/05/2019 20:21

Re read your thread back and disengage from them both.

Is this messages she sending or actually phoning if latter tell her once you see this as harassment and you will Phone the police.

If house in both names leave the key in the locks at all time.

If he kicks off just phone the police every time

Time to get angry at him and only him. This is his doing.

Phone woman aid and ask their advice too.

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