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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
LoveCatzzz · 05/05/2019 22:04

Jesus, ow must be fucking nuts getting involved with this twat. This is like something out of Jezza, I feel very sorry for all the kids involved Sad

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 06/05/2019 16:25

Stop talking to the OW - it won’t do you any good.
Stop talking to your “D”H - he’s abusive and an idiot.
Stop giving them both headspace.
Start divorce proceedings and focus on your children and your new life.

Good luck Flowers

blubblubblub · 07/05/2019 09:15

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Original poster
inthedarkx · 07/05/2019 09:16

@blubblubblub what is it about this that sounds a bit weird out of interest?

I know this isn't a normal situation but this is the situation I'm in.

OP posts:
Strawberry2017 · 07/05/2019 10:00

You need to stop letting him make all the decisions and take back control of your life.
If he won't leave then you need to. Even if it means staying with family.
Let him take everything, it's all about him having control, there are plenty of charity shops that do second hand furniture. You tell people what's going on. I bet you have more friends wiling to help then you think.
You have the power to make changes. You just have to find the strength to do so! X

blubblubblub · 07/05/2019 13:25

Is there really an OW or is it just DH playing mind games? The story doesn't ring true.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 07/05/2019 13:58

@blubblubblub yes there is another woman, I've spoken to her

OP posts:
Dullardmullard · 07/05/2019 14:30

Well, block her on everything. Stop giving them headspace ffs.

have you done the freedom programme as you said you where?

have you left yet and gone to the family? You need to do this for your mental health and your children. They will think that all this drama is normal behaviour when adults themselves.

in fact, what would you say to your daughter if this was happening to her?

springydaff · 07/05/2019 15:20

God, he really is revolting isn't he.

So glad your health is selling down. Have you managed to get to the Freedom Programme?

PLEASE call police on 101 and tell them what's happening. You need it on record what he is threatening.

I hope you get your lovely new life soon and he falls off a cliff Congratulations on your new baby 💐

Oohgossip · 07/05/2019 16:23

Have you done the freedom programme you said you were starting?

blubblubblub · 07/05/2019 23:31

You need to stop engaging with them and get legal advice. Have you spoken to housing yet? You seem to be sitting back waiting for their next move. You're not to blame for their behaviour, but you can control your own.

RedWineAllMine · 07/05/2019 23:56

I don't think you're mentally prepared for an abortion - as you don't really want one, it's because of him why you are going ahead with it. This will have emotional consequences.
Because of this you're relationship will probably break down, and once it does I think you will regret having the abortion.
What a Bastard. Doesn't care about your feelings/emotions - he wouldn't because he isn't the one who has to go through with it. Sorry but I think he's disgusting.
I hope you choose what you want to do in the end.

RedWineAllMine · 08/05/2019 00:00

Sorry just read the update - didn't realise this was from March!
I'm so happy to hear that you're keeping your baby!
Hope you have a great pregnancy Smile

Rainbowknickers · 09/05/2019 18:10

I’ve been here and ended up with 6 (8 if you count my fellas two) my ex told me to get rid or he’d leave me-so I told him to go and got on with it I’ve never regretted it-life is busy full on and noisy it’s hard work but it’s full of love and laughter you won’t regret having another one (not read the full thread-but claim what you can off him-sod the other woman and try to enjoy your pregnancy-it won’t be easy-but I promise it’ll be worth it)

Mumma111 · 09/05/2019 19:20

Don't do it. You'll regret this for the rest of your life and he sounds like a prick anyway

MummyParanoia101 · 09/05/2019 22:55

@inthedarkx Yes you can report emotional abuse to the Police!!!!!

Singlenotsingle · 09/05/2019 23:01

Emotional abuse is a crime since middle of last year

Original poster
inthedarkx · 23/05/2019 13:22

So he's gone...( back to the other woman and her kids might I ask)

All came to a head last night.

We had an argument, he texted me after work saying 'going for a beer' didn't even come to help with the kids

But for the last 2-3 weeks he's been going out telling me he's doing this and that and not returning till 1-2AM!!! And his excuse was 'your not my mum' 'I'm not with you'
I got sick of being treated like a hotel and maid so he left and I texted him saying when does he want to pick up his clothes and he responded 'whatever, leave me alone'
So I thought ok then. Then he turns up at 1am ringing that door bell and this is an old bell in this house so it's loud, he knows it would wake the kids but he carried on ringing one after the other. I switched bell off on the electric board so he couldn't ring it anymore! Then he tried pushing door but gave up and text me saying he's going to Tesco to buy a blanket to sleep in the car but I know full well the other woman will take him in with wide open arms.

I just got sick of being treated like nothing. I still washed his clothes, gave him food, he disrespected me.
Now he's the victim because I 'kicked him out'
Now I'm worried about the aftermath. And I know he will be spiteful with contact and everything.
I'm scared he will pick the kids up before me and take them ( he drives I don't)
He's asking to pick up his stuff can't face him

OP posts:
Epona1 · 23/05/2019 14:38

And make sure you keep him out.

You can bag up and leave his clothes somewhere, or get a friend/ family to be with you when he turns up at the house to collect them.

I would also suggest a solicitor pronto and get an agreement in place for the children re.visitation, access. CMS online for maintenance

MummyParanoia101 · 24/05/2019 05:28

Ok op you need to call NCDV they will pay for a solicitor for you (abuse creates a gateway to legal aid) and will have you in court within 48 hrs without his knowledge and will obtain an order preventing him from removing the kids from your care.
In the meantime, instruct the school/nursery not to allow him to take the kids. They have to follow your wishes.
The court can also award you an occupational order if his name is on the mortgage/lease, preventing him from accessing the house for 30 days, enabling you breathing space to make arrangements etc

TougheningUp · 24/05/2019 10:42

The court can also award you an occupational order if his name is on the mortgage/lease, preventing him from accessing the house for 30 days, enabling you breathing space to make arrangements etc

I'm not a lawyer but I think you can get occupation orders for up to a year where there's abuse. It's on the NCDV website.

Dullardmullard · 24/05/2019 12:12

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Seniorschoolmum · 24/05/2019 14:14

No advice Op, just wishing you and the children well. Brew

Oohgossip · 27/05/2019 23:57

How’s the freedom programme going?

C0untDucku1a · 28/05/2019 00:25

My god just taken half an hour to read all this. What a mess. Change the locks.

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