Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

Just sending hugs and strength your way. Stay strong and take advice you are a strong women protecting her children, you are totally better off without that idiot don't give in to hi. Put him in the past but make him pay as he's responsible for all them kids and he can say whatever he says but pay he will have to.

For all we know, this guy may be busting a gut working long hours to keep his wife (does she work or is she a SAHM?), living in an overcrowded 2 bedroom house and said 3 children ago that he didn't want any more.

True, but then why not get the snip?

To be honest, the OP and her partner both sound pretty daft. Who but a multimillionaire can afford five (let alone six) kids these days? Frankly, OP, I would terminate but I would terminate for my own reasons not because of the guy. Your relationship is over anyway.

Just coming to update my thread.

So he's still out of the house but he's going on and on about how bad I am for 'kicking him out' and how this other woman is brilliant because she 'gave him a bed'
He said he's glad he's left me because he's not got peace of mind and he said he didn't tell me he was with the other woman Since I found out I was pregnant because and his response was ' why would I have told you when you would have kicked me out'

Anyway a whole new blow is that this Saturday it's my sons 3rd birthday. He said he's not going to come and see him till later in the evening because he going to his friends 50th birthday day out... but I don't believe him, I believe he's going out with the other woman for the day and just lying to curb his guilty conscience but who the hell would put a 50th before your sons 3rd birthday? I'm fuming.

I also have this high risk pregnancy ( I'm 26 weeks) so can't go far and I don't drive so I'm hoping my mum can come down and help out and we all go so where close by.

Do anyone have any ideas on simple and cheap things to do for a 3rd birthday. Could do with some ideas
Thanks

@inthedarkx I took mine to the local fire station once! They loved it, the firemen were great with them, long time ago though so check it's allowed. I gave a donation to the benevolent fund.

Failing that the local park and traditional games like pass the parcel.

No one needs to spend a lot on 3rd birthday party
.

Not RTFT in detail but it will be a much, much nicer day for all of you without his mind games. As boobird says, a 3rd borthday does not need to be anything fancy - in fact better if it isn't, as it can all get too much for them quite quickly at that age.

Fire station sounds like a terrific idea, and the older DCs would probably enjoy that too. Also somewhere like McDonalds would probably be greatly enjoyed by all and easy to do. I think they do special stuff for birthday kids, (though it's a good few years since I went to one so bit of a guess!)

For a third birthday if the weather is fine go to the park, perhaps one slightly further away with different equipment. Milkshakes in the cafe (or McDonald's) or a picnic if the weather plays ball. Don't overcompensate, up to 3 they don't even remember these things

I get that you want him to want to be there, but I think it's actually for the best that he doesn't come to the party. The atmosphere your kids have been living in lately is absolutely toxic and the sooner you set up access arrangements that keep the two of you at minimal contact, the better. For them, and you. It's dragged on far too long as it is.

My daughters 3rd birthday has just been and she was just made up for it to be "her" day.

It was raining so we cancelled plans to go out, had a "party" (basically ate rubbish food and played baby shark over and over) and did a cake.

She was absolutely made up.

You don't need him to come home, you're child will have a fantastic day cause he is surrounded by love x

Don't worry too much about the 3 year old - she will have a great time if you make a fuss of her (and sing happy birthday) without it costing money

• picnic in the park (or beach if close)
• bbq at home
• games party - play silly party games at home - pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, musical statues
• cinema or have a movie night at home with pizza, popcorn and sweets
• look out for any free local events
• treat out to lunch - Maccy Ds or Pizza hut

Am I legally allowed to cut Contact if he's being inconsistent? He was supposed to have my son at 10 today but then text me this morning saying I
He will be coming at 14:30 instead. So I've told him not to bother now. I'm sick of him giving me a time and changing it. It's not work related either as he's not at work today so it's more for his social life. So I told him not to bother, he says it's my fault if he doesn't see the kids and the kids will blame me but I don't care anymore
I have a life to live won't live it around him and his social life

You'll need an extremely good and honest reason why contact has stopped, I think you should
Offer once a week and if he cannot stick to that or is late or whatever then you give him
A written warning. Document everything and seek professional advise. Be one step ahead and note everything and all
Of his behaviour is a diary etc, notes and screen shots of bad behaviour will go against him

@inthedarkx

No you cannot.

You can only stop contact on cases of actual harm to the child e.g. violence.

Don’t stop ur child having a relationship with their father

Thank you @Mumma111 @sincethereis

I have never stopped contact. And never would. I've always been reasonable and accepted all his time changes. But it's happening to often and he always says if I don't accept it then the kids will resent me for them not seeing their dad but we have to fit our life and routine around his social life now and I can't make plans or rely on him for childcare. I just don't think it's fair and I'm finding it hard

It isn’t fair at all but at some point you’d likely have a contact order stating when he has contact etc.

As the resident parent, you have to make the children available to him but he doesn’t have to show up iyswim.

Another fault in the system

Sounds like you at giving him times and dates for him to see the dc, he's accepting these, and then changing it at short notice. That's no on! You are quite within your rights to refuse his request to change the times at short notice. Obviously if you were reusing to let him see the dc then you shouldn't do that.

The only consideration is, do YOU want to continue with the pregnancy or not. I mean you personally, not him. If you do this because of the pressure he has put you under, you will ALWAYS regret it.

492 comments @Pensy 492!!!!

The story has slightly progressed.

Sorry, didn’t read to end of thread before posting. Good luck with everything

Can't cope anymore 😢.

He's still taking the piss. Tells me a time he's coming then doesn't come until 2-3 hours after they stated time. So I'm just here waiting and it's really causing my mental health to deteriorate. I got some free legal advice and they said the only thing I can do is ask him to confirm the days he will have the kids in writing and insists he stick to it. If he doesn't I should cut contact and he will then have to take me to court to see them. I didn't want to do it to the kids cutting contact but I'll have no choice now because he makes plans with his gf and her kids and then just comes and sees our kids when it suits his new life. It's so unfair. I'm left to bring them up whilst he's having fun. I can't go anywhere or do anything because he's not consistent. In regards to money he has been giving me £100 a month for the last 2 months and although that's not enough for 5 kids and going to CSA would get me more he's stuck to it for 2 months so I'll see how that goes but I've had Enough. I can't move on with this behaviour. I'm seeing my DV support worker and she's offered one to one sessions with me so I'm hoping this will help 😢
I'm just so fed up

Record every time he changes plans.

Have you applied for money off him through child maintenance?

State his times for the kids and if he doesn’t show up don’t let him have them later be busy. Tell him it’ll be next time.

Keep a record of it all

I’d be doing the eow and one day a week if he can’t stick to it that’s his problem not yours

Block him on everything bar email so you have a record of him playing games. Be steadfast in this is your time slot and repeat.

Plus have you Done the freedom programme yet as you were months back.

Time to learn the grey rock technique and raise your bar ffs.

Plus CMS now not later

Are you keeping a diary of every threat, every nasty remark, his unreliability and him not turning up for his children? You need to keep a VERY detailed log of everything.

Also, how are you doing? Are you okay? How is your pregnancy going? I know you’ve a lot going on, but please try to enjoy your pregnancy. Don’t let him steal the joy from that, too. I think you’re doing absolutely incredible, you are beyond strong. Your children will be so very proud of you when they’re old enough to understand the struggles you faced. They’re going to be so proud of your strength and determination to be the best mother to them. Any woman he has will never replace you, you’re their mum and because of that the unconditional love they have for you cannot be altered by any other woman’s presence. Be kind to yourself, you are so bloody strong it’s inspiring.

Just updating my thread. 35 weeks and waters have gone, having tightenings, they concerned baby's movements slowed and heart rate is elevated 😢

R u in the hospital? Do you have support