Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@crackofdoom I was just saying the same thing yesterday.

At first I had loads of matches and started conversations, decent but nothing great. But it was something.

Now it's dead, literally nothing, I get about 16 people on the swipe list a day and then it's nothing.

I feel like I've completed tinder and bumble.

I had been doing really well though 30...then it all went pfft :(.

I don't know if there's any point in going on Tinder instead...I have a terrible feeling I might see the same faces.

What sites have you been using? (again to 30, just pressed send too soon).

What are we going to do then lifegoes? Delete accounts and then restart?

But it's so weird- I mean, it could just be coincidence, but most of these blokes are ones I haven't seen before- they don't seem significantly different from the ones who were matching with me but now aren't.

Could it be some kind of algorhythmickle thing??

Thanks for the info on Fab. What pics do you all use?

I have only been OLD for a month and already fed up. Only looking for a FWB but all my irons have gone cold and I am getting no new matches on tinder or bumble. First few weeks were dead good fun but I am obviously an not attractive enough for a 2nd date and a crap shag to boot 🤷‍♀️

Crack I have considered it, but I'm wondering if I should come off until Friday. Then update photos. See if that helps.

Its happened on both tinder and bumble for me.

I keep trying FAB, but I'm not sure I can be bothered to sift through all the cock pictures. 😂😂

I've tweaked my bumble and I'm now getting better matches if not more of them.

And my friend has a potential person from fab with a social meeting tentatively arranged, no obligation. Depending on how the proper date that will precede it goes. Some of them are horrors but some not.

I've found my thread at last 😂

I matched with a guy online a few months ago. We were chatting for a few weeks, all very civilised, not the smut talk that I was use to getting, so I was interested in him. We were texting daily and speaking on the phone before our first dinner date, which went really well.
He was very keen to see him again so we went out for a drink a few days later and i invited him to stay over as he lived some distance away and I was hoping for a little action (some of our message had got a little smitten so he knew I was up for it 🤦‍♀️) Anyway, nothing happened, no touching or anything ! He said it was the beer 🤔 but then the morning after, nothing again ! (I am a little shy to instigate so require someone with confidence to get me going)
He stayed for hours and we watched tv and held hands 😳 Were both in our 40's and I've not been in a relationship for some years so all felt a little strange.
He texted after he left saying that he really liked me and was excited to see me again. I opened up about my sexual frustration and he said we would do something about that next time we see each other.
I went to his a few days later, had dinner, went for a drink then watched a movie ! I had to suggest going to bed so we did.

Such a disappointment, which resulted in him telling me her can't finish or stay hard and never has been able to.
I was in shock as I'd never been in this situation before. He had been making flirty promises on texts and had even said he'd had hookups 🤷‍♀️ I did wonder if it was me but then thought no.
A few friends said I should give him another go but then one said I should bin him off, so I did 😔 I've felt terrible ever since as I really liked his personality and banter and his interest in me.
I've messaged him to say I was a little hasty and that I owed him dinner but he's not interested and seems to be busy when I suggest a date. I'm interested to know whether you thought I did the right thing ?
Apologies for the long text and more info available on request 😊

War how did you tweak it?

I just can't seem to even get anyone to swipe right on

@LMNOhh it depends on what you want in life. He's already said he struggles with keeping it up and you've already felt bad about that. If you want a sexual relationship can he give you that?

I'd be inclined to say you did the right thing, if he doesn't suit what you want. Then why settle?

I've just gone and had a Google about Bumble and Tinder droughts....

OK, so if lots of people swipe left on you you start getting edged to the back of a virtual pile.....That's a bit tricky if, like me, you have a deliberately Marmitey bio, to put off people you really don't have anything in common with. It's almost as if you should cultivate quite a bland and broadly attractive profile, just so that lots of people swipe right on you.

But, to be fair, I only have 2 photos on my profile, and none of them full length, so I guess the first thing to do is to get some more photos done. Then maybe close the profile down and re open.

I also learnt that, when you first join, you get edged to the front of the pile for a while, no matter what your "ranking", so you do get seen more at first.

God, the jumping through of hoops, bloody hell!

I redid the blank text section to add more stuff, funny stuff that does a better job of communicating my twisted sense of humour. It was a bit bland before. It's a bit more marmite now so should sieve out the people who won't like me more effectively

WarisPeace I strongly believe in quality over quantity

X post about a marmite profile

Crack 👀 sounds as we need to push our profile to the front of the list.

War I forgot about all of that. I'm going to have a look now

ItsAMiracle2015 ;
I think we're all after the same guy 😂

I've only got 2 pics too and both face or face and upper body only, because I am top heavy and don't want to be swiped for the bosom tbh.
I prefer that to be a pleasant surprise upon meeting

@crackofdoom
Tried pof, tinder and fab.
Don't use fab if looking for an R.
Tinder was ok, pof, loads and loads of messages. You have to weed out the time wasters, those only after one thing and those that are married but i think there is a much bigger selection on there.

@lifegoes
Well we never got chance to have the embarrassing conversation into the finer details of things but I figured if he hadn't sorted help already then I'm flogging a dead horse 😏 I have wondered whether I could have been the ONE to fix him but I'll never know. The holding hands and tv watching was a little frustrating for me though, as my love of all things xxx has only just been restored after years of nothing !
I suppose I felt a very let down by his empty promises of showing me a good time 😔
If he'd had been honest with me before then maybe we could have talked.

Right war and crack I've updated my profile. Added a new picture, I've got 6 on bumble. But I've added a few things to my info and those questions 🤞🏼

Interested to see how that works, life. It'll probably take me a while to get round to rejigging mine.

It's only natural to think you could be the one to change him @LMNOhh but do you really want to waste your time trying, for an uncertainty and then In that time constantly doubting yourself.

You did the right thing

thank u, next ha

I wonder if simply rotating sites/ apps works?

Also one picture is really groomed but not much makeup because I only wear a bit, the other is kind of tatty /end of the day with fluffy hair, so managing expectations a bit. Don't want to be a horrible shock IRL.

For those of us experiencing a Tinder/Bumble drought, I came across this article recently.
The general gist was that you need to delete your profile and start again frequently because new users are at the top of the pile.

www.quora.com/Is-it-natural-that-I-dont-get-almost-any-matches-on-Tinder-I-dont-think-I-am-very-ugly