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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

999 replies

lifegoes · 03/03/2019 10:16

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/03/2019 17:39

30something I would go to the police. I'd also report him to the dating site. I think women need to be proactive about stopping some stroppy entitled man trying to frighten them Angry

Manhattan I'm in a similar situation and will only know if I shag him 😂

MehIAmKnackered · 04/03/2019 17:41

30something that is a bit scary indeed. I think a call to police might be in order to get their view? If nothing else for peace if mind.

And I get the sexually intimidating thing- Mr Welsh was a bit like this and we sort of flirted round the edges of our mutual BDSM interests but it didn't really develop. And now won't I don't think because of his drug use, it means he's not as present as I need and I don't really want to have those sort of encounters "alone".

Totally get the attraction of it though! Smokin hot.

Too Old agree with others that he was probably testing the waters! Obvs not too old Grin

Original poster
lifegoes · 04/03/2019 17:43

Also is your number connected to any social media?

As you can search your contacts in Instagram and Facebook.

It's awful that there are such nutcase out there. Hope you are ok 30something

OP posts:
30somethingandsingle · 04/03/2019 17:43

I have reported the message to the site (he had blocked me anyway so hopefully this is the end of it)
I was having a bloody good time 'shopping' too Sad

ItsAMiracle2015 · 04/03/2019 17:44

@30somethingandsingle I'd be reporting him to the police if it were me 🤷

30somethingandsingle · 04/03/2019 17:48

@ItsAMiracle2015 I'm a bit reluctant to at this point for a few reasons but I will speak to my friend this evening who is in the police, see what she thinks.

CassettesAreCool · 04/03/2019 17:51

30something that's a really good idea. She might be able to shed some light on general ways to stay safe OLD which I'm sure we'd all like to hear.

To regain your enjoyment of the OLD process, perhaps get an unregistered 'burner' phone just for OLD?

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/03/2019 17:59

You can remove your details from 192 as well - I think you have to print off a form and post it to them.

Tillyscoutsmum · 04/03/2019 18:31

@30somethingandsingle That's slightly terrifying. What an utter prick 😡

I agree with the lasting too long thing. Apart from potential friction burns and severe boredom, I get paranoid I'm not doing it for them. Long sessions with lots of foreplay are great but once we're dtd, I reckon I've got a 25 min max threshold (not that I've had a timer on or anything 😂)

So. Mr lovely but slightly short wants to meet again. On Thursday. At his house 🤦‍♀️ I could happily have sex with him (soon) and obviously need to know we're compatible before wasting too much time but I can't help thinking a second date, after just drink dare, isn't sending out the right signals for me. I am ultimately after a long term relationship and our conversations (and his profile) have all been on that basis 😬 Saying I'm not ready yet is fine isn't it? Presumably if he takes exception to it, then I'll know we're not on the same page. I also have the added complication of having an enormous, very attractive, infected cyst on my coxis currently 🤦‍♀️😂 So would like to get that sorted (or at least forewarn him) before I get my kit off 🙄

ManhattanRun · 04/03/2019 18:37

BatShit you are the 2nd person to say that now so off to shag I go.... 😂

richdeniro · 04/03/2019 18:42

@30somethingandsingle I would definitely advise you to report, it's an offence relating to malicious communications to threaten someone online.

Not sure what your local police force is but the met website in London allows you to report it online.

unique1986 · 04/03/2019 18:43

Love
You need to meet in public places not at your house.
Meet in another town if need be.
Limit the dates to a few hours.

ItsAMiracle2015 · 04/03/2019 18:46

@Tillyscoutsmum I wouldn't meet at his house for a second date so I think you're perfectly fine saying you don't feel comfortable yet.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/03/2019 18:46

Tilly that's lazy of him - even if you did want to stay at his, you should go out first!

unique1986 · 04/03/2019 18:52

I've met someone a few times but no kiss yet.
I did initially say friends only after he was unreliable for few weeks.
Now we are talking more and I want commitment.
There is distance no can't see it ending well.
But should I just try to make a relationship happen for the short term?

Original poster
lifegoes · 04/03/2019 18:58

I'm starting to get really sick of married men hitting on my through social media.

In the last 6 months I've had my ex (who I didn't know was married do it)

An old friend through Instagram - asked how his wife was. Didn't message again

Now tonight on Facebook and old friend- keeps messaging me all friendly. Asked for a meet up, told him of course. He should bring his wife and newborn baby. He replied, I thought it would be nice to catch up us two, plus you know we'd have a better time. I told him "I think it would be nice if you respected your wife and didn't message me"

How hard is it to just find a single man, that's sexy, funny, loyal, has morals, driven, assertive and tall 🙄

OP posts:
richdeniro · 04/03/2019 19:04

How hard is it to just find a single man, that's sexy, funny, loyal, has morals, driven, assertive and tall

Don't give up @life. We are out there Halo

I don't know how those guys being in relationships have the front to do it, taking away the lack of integrity that they have do they not even worry about their partners finding out? I can't even multi-date when doing OLD and immediately come off it completely once I get past a second date.

Original poster
lifegoes · 04/03/2019 19:10

Arghhh I know there are good men out there rich

Just infuriates me more since my ex, that these men think it's acceptable.

I'm with you there, on messaging multiple people. I have done it recently on OLD. But once we started to meet up, I'd lose my way and end up repeating myself to the same person. Or get their names mixed up 😂😂

OP posts:
30somethingandsingle · 04/03/2019 19:11

Thanks for the advice everyone. Now I've got over the shock of what I read (and had a glass of wine!) I feel better.
Plus Mr S is being a very good distraction tonight Grin looking forward to Friday

Bluezoo123 · 04/03/2019 19:26

user he bought you a bike?!how long have you known him
manhattan I’d dtd then you’ll know for sure whether the chemistry’s there
30 that sounds petrifying!

ItsAMiracle2015 · 04/03/2019 19:48

@lifegoes

How hard is it to just find a single man, that's sexy, funny, loyal, has morals, driven, assertive and tall

If you find any could you ask if they have any friends?

crackofdoom · 04/03/2019 19:53

Hello again peeps.

I am officially pissed off!

After a good start on Bumble, I feel like I've become some kind of a pariah. When I started, about 3 months ago, I'd get loads of matches with the blokes I was swiping right on- there were always new matches to start conversations with. Over the last couple of weeks, though, all I can hear is tumbleweed.

Don't think I've had any new matches for at least a week- and I think I have almost exclusively been swiping on "new" people. And even the one iron I have been chatting to has gone quiet since I tried to firm up actually meeting up with him this morning.

Is this just coincidence, do you think, or has anyone else experienced this kind of significant drop off with Bumble?

30somethingandsingle · 04/03/2019 19:59

@crackofdoom before I realised all I wanted was a Fb I tried Bumble... I'm not amazing looking but I'm not a minger but literally it was silent, I messaged loads of matches and only one replied...once and that was it. I thought it was useless compared to other sites.

Original poster
lifegoes · 04/03/2019 20:01

Miracle if being the word. At the moment all I'm getting are married men. 😫

OP posts:
user1466783975 · 04/03/2019 20:02

CokoKoko he bought me one off ebay and travelled quite far to pick it up. I met him eleven days ago :/
It's all been to intense for me with about 6 dates. I felt suffocated. I think if he said lets cool it to once a week and if he packed in the sexual hinting I would be happy to date. But I was staying over this Friday( to dtd)and it all got a bit too much. Am popping over tomorrow and will have a chat. I think it's probably more me than him actually,i always pick fault when someone is super keen :(

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