Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

So I've got a 'date' with my long term FB tonight.

I feel so sick when I think about it....but not sure why.

I went into it knowing I only wanted FB but we have grown closer and I think he likes me a lot, last year was all about the sex after a 17yr marriage but this year I decided I actually wanted to do things such as meals out, cinema etc plus the sex so this is my suggestion but I'm so nervous.

Lots of things really - what if someone I know sees us and tells my ex (he is not coping well with our marriage ending), this all seems a bit serious, what if he doesn't like me after we've been out, what if he expects more.....

I don't actually know what I want, last year I was adamant I never wanted a relationship again after being hurt but I seem to veer between wanting one and then not wanting one as I have no trust and I worry that could cause issues.

Or am I just over thinking things?

What happened with Mr Rugby shit?

This thread moves so quickly I’ve totally lost track of everyone’s irons and plans!

Thanks for all the replies. And thank you for last night.

I'd never touch wine ever again dude if that's how your going to be. Honest is what I am.... You bought that to a new level. Maybe try again sober.

Good luck to all the dates... something I have noticed (Because I am not looking) things slow down with dates for the women on here... could it be down to pay day. Because myself and my husband were always skint but then I'm a cheap dat with a bag of chips and sparkling water

Just an outsider looking in.... I could be off the mark but we were always planning this and that and then the girls would need new shoes or summer uniform and we just laughed it's another home made aldi nacho date.

Men especially hate to be skint and wouldn't not admit to having money for a date even if it is a split.

Love I think shit is right, however uncomfortable the chat will be, MrSA isn't giving you what you want, and your needs are important too. When he says he enjoys the chat and conversation, why don't you say you do too, but you're not completely happy as you'd like to actually go out! Are you meeting at his? Could you meet out somewhere? Buy cinema tickets or book a restaurant?

Enjoys the sex and conversation that should say!

stealth yeah for me personally I don't get it at all. I mean if you wanna do a one night stand and you know it won't go further...its something you need to handle properly. Particularly if the other person follows up. Doing a slow fade or ghost after that is the worst. To my mind as well....women feel particularly vulnerable after sex. It's bollocks to disregard that. But....in saying that I still take from this that it's not about what you did or didn't do. It just wasn't right for whatever reason. Someone else's shabby communication skills aren't my problem to deal with

Lifegoes re your message back from Mr FaF in response to your photo - I think he's saying he regrets having fallen asleep before seeing it, so would have liked to have had a sext chat about it. Is that what is putting you off? Sorry if I'm being thick.

Full and frank exchanges of views like last night's/this morning's are brilliant, gave us all food for thought I'm sure. At least Suburban didn't invite any of us onto his yacht.

I’ve just caught up with the thread.

Jeez SurburbanTwist you are the definition of every type of man I would avoid online. There’s honesty and then there’s basically you who is ensuring everyone knows what an actual shit you are. Like it’s some sort of achievement remaining monogonous after six months - you sound like you want a pat on the back for it. I agree with every other poster who has said they’d rather have a man like richdeniro than an absolute unpleasant misogynistic idiot like yourself. And you knew what you were doing on here last night, there’s a way to come across and get across what you’re trying to say without sounding the way you did. It was actually rude.

Anyway Rich, how are you getting on with Hinge? It’s one app I’ve never used so I’m interested to know if it actually works. Obviously being in London you’ll get way more reaction than us folk in other cities do! And good luck to everyone who is having dates this weekend, there’s a lot of positivity on here recently and that’s good to see!

Lifegoes I agree with Cassettes - he wished he'd been awake to chat to you! That's a good thing!!

I'm wondering how to tell Mr Sailor I'm not feeling it - hate this bit 😞

supercali77 yeah I haven't had sex with anyone apart from exh in years. I can imagine if I slept with a guy and then he ghosted me I would assume I was terrible in bed or it was my post baby body. Fortunately if that happens you guys will tell me the guy was the shit but I can't talk to people in real life about this.

Batshitand shit - all you can be is kind, clear and honest about why you are calling time. Don't let it be a discussion. You've made your decision and he has to respect that, but you have to be respectful of his feelings too. Send a thoughtful and carefully crafted message and give him the right of reply (PLEASE no blocking after sending the message).

Just a moment of reflection as I look back at my dating life. And yes monogomy for 6 months isn't an achievement, but I am 100% serious when I say I was always looking for a GF and someone to be serious with.

Given the choice I'd have liked to have met her a month or two into my dating adventure. I really mean that.
Met her after 18 months, and while I liked the multiple date and crazy ons scene, it wasn't what I wanted.

I'm sure some won't believe it , but that is my reality

Cassettes & batshit actually I agree with you. I didn't see the response as that. I was oh ok still no comment on the photo. But he's been very chatty this morning. Considering he's on holiday. I guess that's a good thing.

My counsellor (abusive marriage, hideous divorce, need the support) would say it's enough to say that it isn't working for you, without spelling it out.

I think I may have to phone Mr Sailor as he is unaware that anything is wrong, and it would be cruel to have him looking forward to a date and then drop it on him and leave ...

Batshit and shit. Again I agree with cassettes. (I swear we could be the same people)

I'm situations like this, I think how I would want to be told. Honesty but nothing harsh.

I'm sorry to hear you have multiple issues going on shit. You could allude to those in your farewell but don't go into detail.

Afternoon All

Good luck with those convos batshit and shit.

My MrRY has only recently left! We had a great night and morning and he ticked all the boxes in that respect! He is nice looking, fit and has a sexy Southern Irish accent. Convo was good, never got stuck for something to talk about. Nice guy. He's looking for a relationship. We left it that we'd catch up next week as he's working later today and has his son Sunday. Not sure what I think yet.
Think I've taken an 'enthusiasm holiday' after MrBE love bombing sex fiend.
MrMusic went out with his sister last night but msg late to ask if he could crash here. I ignored. He's got his kids this w/e.

So, looks like it's a meal for one and Netflix for me tonight!

Look forward to hearing about everyone's dates later.

I understand that completely shit It's a good sign that you aren't willing to settle.