Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@richdeniro I'm interested to hear your response to my predicament earlier. (Even tho I sent the picture)

I want a guy who naturally excites me and who I get on well with on an intellectual level. Quite often those two don't come together, for me, yet. I think when two people meet, they should bring out the best in each other. People are complex. There are so many different 'sides'. I don't want to settle this time round. I've been married 3 times.

lifegoes I don’t see much honesty. He has already back-pedalled on ghosting. He knew exactly what he was saying but was pulled up and it became phasing out...

He is my nightmare type too and I’m about as far from “coy” and a “prude” as it gets.

Yes , it's all a lie...no honesty at all.

Clarity on ghosting was given. I really don't care if you believe it or not. Just thought I'd add to the discussion.

I'm a great first date.

And @rich, sounds like a plan. Quality over quantity works too. Hinge seemed decent, never really used that much

TOOOLD. I'm with you there. I don't want to settle. I want that fire, that throw down. That intelligent conversation. But also the joking side. That natural flow of things. Where you don't doubt anything or each other.

Are we asking too much?! No.

Mulie
the honesty from how HE sees it. It's not reality but it's how he sees it.

Oh ok lifegoes I think I get you now. I hope so at least 🙂

How is it not reality?? It's my take on reality, but surely is.

I might be your nightmare , but not for a lot of others

@life It would all depend on the context and how initial chats had been going. I'm no prude and am not judgemental at all when it comes to sending pics although I might think they are just looking for validation/sex or something but again it would all depend on how any chatting or dates had gone. I'm not the type by any stretch of the imagination who would send a dickpic though.

Of course if we'd been on a ton of dates and were exclusive or I felt we were heading that way then I would think it was great.

Surburban no you are the nightmare for all those you left behind.

See at the start you seem ideal, but then true colours show.

This is the worst you could do to a lot of women. Tonight you have said it's a game. A game of the chase.

But see, a lot of women don't like being discarded after sex. ESPECIALLY if the original trust was built on building a bond on the *3 date sex rule.

It actually makes some women question why were they not good enough.

If you state at the start this is sex only ONS. FB different story. But you didn't

See @richdeniro i needed you in my life earlier. He came back to me, he told me to keep in contact whilst he's away. He sent a topless shot.

So tonight out the blue I've sent a legs picture whilst he's away. That's not bad is it.
See I don't want him to be a FWB. So playing this one different.

I'm a great first date.

Ah that's my problem @Surburban, in recent years I struggled with this and so many women put so much emphasis on that first date - chemistry/spark.

Up until last year I was terrible at first dates - the nerves and overthinking alway got to me, 10 times worse if I realised I really liked them and my people pleasing side would come out which I know is a turn off. Of course I've had those dates where you both end up having too much to drink and end up in bed with them but they were the exception. However recently I know I am getting a lot better having done a lot of work on my confidence and self-esteem.

Yes , very true I suppose .

Can I blame someone? My absent father ? The controlling mother? The cold ex?

Blaming is the modem way . I need an intervention.
Or less wine , always blame wine

@life No that sounds completely fine, just keep them very few and far between if it's this early on and nothing too revealing especially if you are looking for more. Having met on a dating app makes this a little trickier as he'll assume you're talking to other guys (especially if you use whatsapp a lot with that wretched 'online' status) so you don't want him to think that you send these pics to others so easily.

@Rich... it's tricky, I'm naturally shy and just had to work at it.
I just ended up being a flirt and not over thinking it.
There are so many singles about, and lots of fuckwit blokes ( yes I know you think I am) you just need to work your particular assets and have confidence.

You will find the one that you think is amazing and her thinking the same

Thank you @richdeniro that makes sense. Tbf he's hardly online. He has been back on bumble as it clocked his location. So I'm taking faith in the hardly on WhatsApp.

Just chiming in from my work trip to say I totally agree with you @lifegoes on @suburbantwist's approach. I'm sure you are a nice guy on many levels suburban but nice guys can also treat women badly and I have to say you are my worst nightmare too! If you make it clear you are after a ONS or just some fun then fine, but if you are making it a game/enjoying busting someone's boundaries with your charm only to disappear once you've done that then I'm sure you have caused some serious hurt. And dating is real life, the action of dating doesn't suddenly absolve you of treating people decently. In my opinion that is what is so deeply wrong with the way dating has become and the way, in particular, some guys see it as a kind of license to treat women as disposable (some women too, but more guys). Yes, consenting adults etc but if you're not being honest then they don't totally know what they are consenting to, do they?

A guy who is really good to women treats ALL women well, not just the ones he thinks are "worth it". Otherwise there is a bit of misogyny there, yes.

Bit of an update on my situation - have been talking to Mr NM again after he got in touch, which I realise is probably playing with fire as he has given no indication yet that his attitude to monogamy has changed. Still got other irons though so maybe it's not so bad to keep chatting to him for now? We are both away at the moment and if when we are back it just goes on as is though without him coming good in any way I think I'll just leave it.

Glad to hear some lovely updates from Crustacean etc tonight, rather miss not being able to check in so much - sorry for not responding to more posters, thread has moved quickly!

@suburbantwist I suppose there's someone for everyone. From your posts, you're just the type of guy that bored the fuck out of me, sorry!

Please use full usernames when @ someone in this thread. I'm getting loads of notifications that arent for me because you're using shortened versions of user names

I don't want to turn off notifications.

It's always these threads. Stop being so lazy and use the full username, or stop using the @

THANK YOU

Random, but a lot of guys on fab who are in their 50s seem to have a 'massage table that is waiting'

@IWantMyHatBack I've searched all the way through this thread and I can't find one mention or @ to your name.

Got a response to my photo this morning

"what a time to fall asleep"

Can't be dealing with that response. So I'll just carry on finding Mr Right

@lifegoes

It's not my current username, it's an old one. I'm frequently getting notifications from these threads because of the use of shortened versions of usernames.

just use the full names please

@IWantMyHatBack it's very rare anyone uses @ in here. But just calm, it's not the end of the world. I'm sure there's more important things in the world you can get stressed at.

If it's rare then why am I getting email notifications to an old username that you've @'ed on this thread?

Was just highlighting a problem that's easily rectified, that's all. No need to instruct me to' just calm'.