Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Ahh so lovely JeSuis 😊

I’d cancel @BatshitCrazyWoman. He’s not given any consideration to you, but made sure he’s got plenty of time to get ready and do bloody housework. His priorities are shit.

@JeSuisPrest I’m glad it’s all still going well after 4 months. The holiday sounds hectic but fun. Like @wishywashy6 it’s been 8 months for MrSlightlyGinger and me and it’s so great. We are looking at booking a summer holiday for our gang of children aged between 2 and 19 (at that point - although my 19 year old probably will decline the offer) and also one for just us while our exes have the kids.

But lifegoes he just wants to fuck your. Therefore his sinister stalking is totally acceptable.... What a total weirdo. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

batshit I think I’d give this one up now. He’s being infuriatingly uncommunicative and inconsiderate. I’d focus your efforts on your weekend away.

tooold is the date a defence mechanism as you are worried Mr Music is going to hurt you? If you are at introducing to the kids stage you should feel more relaxed I think?

Nice positive updates from crustacean and jesuispriest. I think we could do with some top tips in spotting a decent iron!!

wishywashy I also want to know the origins of your username now!

I’ve been ghosted by Mr Artist after his abandoning act last night. I thought he might at least have apologised once he’d sobered up. So 2 ghostings in a week after 2 dates. This is a new record for me...

MisterT373 I have got a sausage dog (a miniature, re-homed him last summer) and I can highly recommend them. He is called - mood depending - "The Sausage", "You Little Bugger" or "Mummy's Lovely Boy" and is the light of my life (after my son). I think the prospect of dying alone but for my sausage is not so scary.

Great update jesuis
wishy I’m also interested as to the origins of your name...

Nice positive updates from crustacean and jesuispriest. I think we could do with some top tips in spotting a decent iron!!

Honestly, I think I was really lucky. Nothing more useful than that. To be honest, as irons go he probably wasn’t that promising (lots of things on most people’s ‘no’ factors: no written profile, snowsports photos, he’s short, small children, ongoing divorce, had a complicated living situation - now resolved). But he’s good looking and when he messaged I just found myself thinking, ‘this one might be great’. So I guess maybe it was just a willingness to give something a go.

For logistical reasons we had to message for 2-3 weeks before we managed to meet, which was not ideal. But the messaging was lovely. And I found that I didn’t really want to talk to anyone else. When we finally did manage to organise a date I remember thinking to myself, if there’s chemistry and he’s like he is on messages in real life I’ll probably fall in love with him. And I was right. There was chemistry. He’s really good looking and totally lovely.

He’s obviously not perfect (neither am I) but we really work together. Everything is a good fit for us.

So maybe there’s something in the photos only profiles - although only if they aren’t a collection of gym selfies, lying in bed topless shots and posing with fish. Obviously. 😂

Actually reading it back, I’m pretty sure you’d all have told me that he was one of those looking for an affair types so commonly found on OLD. And one with wee kids at that. So I’d have been advised to run. 😆

Luckily he wasn’t lying about anything. I guess I was really bloody lucky.

Hey everyone. I'm in a quandry. Mr old iron came round to mine for 7th date. I cooked dinner (he cooked last time). We started off as a hook up...i didn't expect it to go anywhere but it has been doing. But the sexual chem has always been off the charts. Anyway. He came round and I made a dish with a ton of chilli and garlic. Hands covered in it. I know. Beginners mistake. Anyway....hed already said he couldn't stay due to having to mark papers the next day. So we're chatting and getting on. He kissed me twice and the first time mentioned that my lips were boiling hot (the chilli). Time went on chatting and before I knew it it was nearly 1 and he had to go. So no sex....i can live without it in not a total nympho haha. But it seemed weird he didn't push it further. As he left he asked if we could go out for dinner on Monday. I said yes. Then he texted this morning to say...sorry he was a bit knackered last night but he likes my mind. I'm totally baffled if that's a coded message for something. Or what. Men...can you weigh in?

Oh god 😂 ok well - no judgement this stems back to my wild youth - my nickname irl to my close friends is FiveGuys ...... I'll leave it at that 🙈

Re the meeting a good iron I agree with @Crustaceans. On paper I actually didn't think I'd go for Mr24 - he has no kids (I have 2) he's 10 years younger than me and only had a couple of photos on his profile which in all honesty I didn't really fancy him from. Saying that, all that the chatting was nice with him-he had me laughing early on and there was no innuendo, no sex chat and no cringey chat up lines. Again just like crustaceans we couldn't actually meet until about 4 weeks (my fault) after he initiated contacted but the chatting flowed so easily and well with him I remember just thinking even if I've made a new mate out of this (really wasn't sure if I'd fancy him IRL!) then that's cool too. Even though physically i didn't think he was my type from his pics I too found that once we got chatting I really wasn't bothered about talking to anyone else - I forced myself to keep chatting with other irons but in all honesty I felt a little buzz when I saw it was his name popping up and usually a 'oh fuck off' if it was anyone else 😆
Luckily for him (and me I suppose!) as soon as I met him for our first date I instantly fancied him and there was great chemistry from the start. He's fantastic with my children and they adore him and while I'm sure we may encounter hurdles along the way I too feel like we're just a really good fit for each other. It feels like we're a team 🤷🏼‍♀️
I know it sounds really cliche but I feel like I just 'knew'. It was just easy with him and has been since the start.

So many lovely updates. It's lovely to read them as it gives myself faith.

Batshit I do agree with notcool he's not being very considerate. It feels like you are doing all the work

Notcool it's quite nice to think how desperately someone wants me 😂😂😂

I moved my limit down to 30 and there's lots more men out there. But my word they can't hold a conversation

Sorry for length of post!

Thanks to everyone for your opinion on my date with Mr No Eye Contact.
I've decided to meet him again. I agree that he was probably very nervous. And he did look a lot better than most of my dates. So maybe he might be able to relax more if we meet again.

Whoever asked about his messaging style - there's no flirting or banter at all. But he can communicate quite well. Maybe he's better at texting than talking!

Does anyone else find themselves investing in certain Irons when they haven't even met yet. Or am I just strange???

This is the first one I've thought ohhhhh yes please. But as Mr FIt as Fuck has gone away I'm finding myself thinking about him more and desperate to text him

Cali I'm unsure what the problem is? Sorry.

You had told him he couldn't stay, he might not want to have sex and run. He might also think you couldn't have sex. You've had a lovely evening.

I see his text as saying, he loves your mind and really enjoys talking to you.

I think that's a great outcome

Cali-I’m with lifegoes I think everything went fine. He likes you or wouldn’t have messaged?!?

Well Mr Sailor still hasn't listened to my message from 10 hours ago - so still doesn't know I've said I can't make it tonight due to timings.

Will catch up on the thread in a minute but need some opinions!

I was seeing a man last year and running into this year. In mid January he ghosted me. Today at traffic lights we pulled up next to each other! I was a passenger with my dad on car test drive so very awkward but I waved at my ex and he waved back. Left me feeling all weird. I’ve got the offer of a second date with someone this evening but I feel all strange now. Should I force myself to go or is that not fair on my date when my head is elsewhere? There’s no possibility of me wanting anything to do with the ghoster but seeing him has affected me.

Have you sent him a voice note via WhatsApp and has he been online batshit?

Regardless I wouldn't worry, it's not your fault if he doesn't know, you've done all you can

Sorry if you said already

MIA go on your date. You will regret it if you don't.

Go on your date MIA

Yes a voice message on WhatsApp, I can see it was received - two blue ticks. But he hasn't listened to it - you can tell if they are unlistened to because the microphone bit is blue once they have. I find it hard to listen to them at work too but I needed to get into the office so I didn't have time to type it all out - quicker to speak!

MIA12 go on your date so that we have an interesting date update

Should have clarified. He told me at the start of the date that he couldn't stay due to having to mark papers. But either way. I'm over thinking. Yer right...its a nice message. We have another date planned.

Notcool Can’t believe you’ve had a date abandon you for a lift home. Appalling. What’s wrong with some of these men?

MyOld I think your date was just nervous. I wouldn’t rule him out yet, I'm glad you’re going to try a second date and see how it goes. I have to force myself to make eye contact with a date when I really fancy them. So it might mean he’s really attracted to you and a bit flustered!

Jesus Christ lifegoes you’ve dodged a bullet there! Hope he doesn’t find any other way to hassle you now. ‘Please I just want to fuck you’ yes I’m sure he must have women falling at his feet with that line.

Batshit Don’t worry, it’s his own lookout if he doesn’t bother to check his messages for 10 hours.

Def go on your date MIA don’t let that idiot take anything else from you.

supercali it all sounds nice. You cooked, ate, chatted, kissed and are seeing each other again. Winning!

batshit I’d be so frustrated. I hope you are just getting on with your own plans now. You told him the score early this morning.

so I just spent some time reading this thread with some good lols, and thus had to join and post. Might be interesting, might not !

So me , early 40s guy who was married (now not) and had a crazy couple of years on the OLD world. These are my thoughts.

So main sites I ever used were Bumble , Tinder , Hinge and Fab.... all have pro's and cons with lots of cross over.
Fab seems to be a hot topic so what advice can I give? For guys , its super hard work , really hard to even start chats etc.
I would rate myself as decent looking and in shape , but lots of guys are ripped etc and as mentioned the ladies are totally in control. I had a decent amount of success met plenty of woman for FB style antics with few horror stories to repeat.
Woman I met had varying degrees of cynicism, lots of married guys and liars. But it will deliver on the filth front.

Bumble and Tinder very samey, its a numbers game, match , chat , meet as quickly as possible and see what happens.
I was also totally open to wanting something long term. but happy to have fun and see where that leads.
I dated a lot , london based so simple .. maybe 2 or 3 dates a weeks for months on end. Lots of sex , many second dates, and a couple that went a few months. Basically if you look ok, are eloquent and can banter on whatsapp, its really not too tricky.
From reading this thread and what I heard, lots of very ordinary and weird guys out there.

Ultimately I have met someone (Bumble) who ticked all my boxes. Once we met and clicked , I was done ( only 6 months) I've been faithful and can see a future.
Sane , hot, solvent with a twist of kink.. its out there people . Keep the faith :)