Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I've had my first rejection on Fab. Chat was going well. He asked if we could meet. Then when I sent a face pic, he changed his mind, saying I wasn't his type. Oh well. Next!

lifegoes it's not just the mum tum that can be tucked into pants but I wonder if younger guys could cope with the stretch marks! I have looked into laser treatment on them but don't know a reputable place to do it. And I wonder if younger guys look at more porn and have higher expectations. Stbex didn't (we shared phones, iPads and computers so I know).

I’m 47 and put my ranges as 37+. I didn’t like that on Tinder it went up to 54 then 55+ - I was happy to date up to about 57 but there’s no setting for that so I was getting guys in their 60s and 70s coming up in my feed!

At least on Bumble it was a little more restrictive, I think I put up to 57 on there.

My FWB (Mr Mystery) is 56 and seems a lot younger, he’s very fit and active but not in a “constantly mountain biking and at the gym” kind of way. I do wonder how all these Action Men have time for dating!

I had a date with a 38 year old, but found that a few men I’d chatted to in their late 30s/early 40s wanted kids which wasn’t an option for me. I felt like telling them they’d left it a bit late!

Batshit I wonder if your guy has performance anxiety. Or maybe he’s trying very hard to be gentlemanly. My guy from last weekend wasn’t very forthcoming at inviting me over, it was last on his list of options! I said that sounded great as we could relax and chat more easily than in a pub or restaurant, and that a takeaway and a movie sounded great. We did actually DTD but had already had some pretty steamy snogs on previous dates so I knew at least he might be interested. Your guy sounds rather hands off which doesn’t help you know if he fancies you, does it?

Exactly Sidge - it's putting me off him because I feel unattractive and like he doesn't like me. Or he's passive, which is a turn off. We haven't had any steamy anything!!

I'm 56 and so in the Tinder dead zone.

On Fabs I shaved a few years so that I would fall under 50 and so be in the acceptable age range. That said I've had dalliances in clubs with ladies whose age range I was way over and didn't tick any of their boxes.

As for performance issues I used to be pretty good (not blowing my own trumpet). After a hell of a dry spell I'm terrified that should the chance arise I'd get it wrong - so lost confidence. I can understand guys who don't make a move as we are tarred with the " he only wants sex" brush . I never discuss sex or sexting with women I have met- they have all been the ones who instigated the discussion.

myold - that's brutal!

Ive set age at 10 years younger & 5 years older on fab, but I'm only interested in younger. There was a bit of a lull in messages, so I put up a profile pic (not of my face) & tadaah..... Loads of messages. I'm amazed at how many put up pics of their faces.

I'd planned on meeting up with one for coffee tomorrow, but he's just told me he's married. So it's another no thanks from me...

Comedy- wow. That’s so bad. Was it fab as guess it’s normal for swinging. You just wanting fwb? Guess least you know. Think fab more honest

Yes, ccgirr it's fab so I suppose it's to be expected. He's now messaging that he can do just friends . Another married one apologised for misleading me, but said if I change my mind I know where to find him

I'm looking for fwb & boggling at the 'fab'd' photos. Mr35 looks like a potential. Haven't asked him if he's married yet.

Good for you MisterT. Guys who bring up sexting or are crude are such a turn off for me. Cheeky banter and innuendo are good.

The other day I had a message "I'm going to ram my 9 incher down your throat. Think you can take it?" Minus the question mark and accurate spelling of course.

I mean who can resist such charm from a complete stranger off the internet?? 😎

If someone comes up on “people you may know” on Fb does that mean they have looked at your profile? A old FWB popped up on my Fb so I’m wondering if he has been looking. It’s someone I met on a site similar to FAB and I really liked him but he was a bit of a live wire and only wanted FWB as he was moving away, seems he has now moved back.

Love no, it can be friends In common or you've had their phone number before/still

We have no friends in comin and his numbers not on my phone (as far as I know), haven’t had contact with him for a year, maybe longer.

Urghhh I'm debating on sending a sexy'ish photo to mr FIT.

He flew out yesterday, he sent me a nice topless one before he went. I'm not going that far. We haven't met yet. I was thinking a nice underwear one.

But I'm thinking am I being too much and should just wait until I hear from him.

I feel I'm investing in him and I shouldn't be

Late night lurker here... my husband died a shitty horrible death 74 days ago. My life is shit. Half of me is missing.
In the late nights where all 3 of my children have been struggling I turned to browsing here.

I just honestly wanted to say thank you for the thread. Your stories and relationship and banter have kept me going. Never thought it would be this thread. I may be 35 and that but I have had my love of my life and yes it's still way too early but I can say I will never have another relationship but seriously when it gets to 3am and I'm howling like a banshee you ladies and gents have kept me going I particularly laughed out loud today when shit asked for names of your ladies and have enjoyed seeing you all knowing your own worth.

Our relationship was not perfect because we were not but we just fit together. Mainly because he was so 10 years older but looked 5 years younger than me I had the best of both worlds...

Keep it up and good luck and cheers for the entertainment xx

Warrior Sorry for your loss. Mumsnet has got me through tough times especially late at night x

So sorry for your loss warrior

warrior I am so very sorry.

Hugs Warrior. So sorry you have lost such a deep love.

So sorry to hear of your loss warrior x

@StealthNinjaMum my 26 year old has more stretch marks than me! 😂
I think honestly it's about confidence. I can give any porn star a run for their money in between the sheets
His view on porn is that it's not real but ok as a fantasy, like a Disney movie but more naked - which I kind of agree with!
I've watched plenty and don't think there's anything that could shock me, but just because I've seen it doesn't mean I actually want or expect 4 cocks in my face all at the same time 🤷🏼‍♀️ although there are some people on this thread who know my nickname and the story behind it

I think any 'normal' person, young or old, can appreciate the difference between reality and fantasy without it affecting their real life relationships

Warrior princess, have a massive hug xx

Has anybody noticed that chatting to lots of randoms on OLD has made them a little, er, bolder in real life?!

Today is my birthday, so I have received all the usual messages via Facebook, and have fallen into a conversation with someone I see at most once a year, at international meetups of our shared profession. God I fancy him . I don't think I'd have had the nerve to pursue a slightly more indepth convo if I hadn't had to constantly initiate things on Bumble. I've never got signals of anything more than "friendly" in RL though, and there is the tiny inconvenience of him living on the totally opposite side of Europe......

This, in a nutshell, was why I felt I had to take up OLD - to pull me out of torrid, unachievable fantasies about men who live in Athens. It was a case of "swipe or burn"!

(although, in other birthday chat, I have just ultra, ultra- casually asked a single male acquaintance who lives about 10 miles away whether he's coming to my birthday drinks tomorrow ).

Aww Warrior I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm glad we've cheered you up. Our relationship was not perfect because we were not but we just fit together. Thank you for sharing that, it's lovely. x

Aw....poor old Mr Indie, if only I could loan him a bit of subcutaneous fat....I've got plenty to spare

Mr Athens has just suggested meeting up to do a workshop in New York.

(lays head on table and weeps real tears).